The perhaps most unusual part in all of this is that she didn't only leave me, but our D7 and S4. She was only coming by once a week, and before she left she saw them for maybe 20 minutes a day. She told me she didn't love anything, including them, and being around them was painful. She also said she resented them because she couldn't end her life for fear of how it would impact theirs.
Of course, this all predates the guy...I assume he helped her feel something.
But starting with Halloween she has been coming around more. LAst night she told me she wants to see the kids as much as possible. What I don't know is if this is a reaction to potentially losing me (and thereby the kids) and she is really "coming out of her fog" as she puts it, or if she is just trying to keep me on the line. She does seem a bit more like her old self.
So it bothered you before that she didn't want to see the kids and now it's bothering you that she does? It really does sound like you are using them as a weapon. If she goes to court you are in for a rude awakening.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
It is not in your interest to keep the children from their mother. No matter what your views.
And like J2 I do think there is control in this. You may be best with making a voluntary arrangement with her rather than have the court impose one. They may decide you leave the MH.
You can have an appropriate schedule and calender. Do this online to cut arguments.
I think you need L advice asap.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
It is not in your interest to keep the children from their mother. No matter what your views.
And like J2 I do think there is control in this. You may be best with making a voluntary arrangement with her rather than have the court impose one. They may decide you leave the MH.
You can have an appropriate schedule and calender. Do this online to cut arguments.
I think you need L advice asap.
V
To be clear, I have met with a Lawyer. I have established Primary custodial parent status with the school, daycare, guidance counselor, coaches, etc. The Lawyer didn't seem concerned about me retaining full custody.
And we have a schedule. She can visit or we can meet at a place of her choosing on MWF after 530 (and I have asked she arrive before 630 if possible). Considering how this all went down, I consider that offer generous. Once she proves reliable, I would be willing to discuss unsupervised visits. Originally, I proposed that she read the state guidance on shared parenting (like I had) and she blew me off. Said it didn't sound fair that the kids would have different visitation based on their age. Then she disappeared for a few days and I discovered her PA.
Maybe that sounds harsh...but even HER family supports this course of action. She went weeks with minimal contact. And before that, we are talking 30-40 minutes of time and zero actual childcare responsibilities. Our kids are confused. She has yet to address any of this with them. She comes over and acts as if nothing has happened. She is in denial.
Im sorry if I seem angry. I am not a vindictive person. But I AM fiercly protective of my children and always have been. It is my job to protect them, and their mom is unstable right now. I want her to be in their lives, and it doesn't need to be on my terms...but if I dont trust her to have their best interests in mind, I cant really see myself allowing them to go with her unsupervised unless I have a court order telling me I have to.
How old is your wife? I'm surprised she's tolerating your supervised visits... usually a court order is needed for the supervised visits, not the other way around.
I think you're using the kids to punish her for cheating on you. And that's sad.
Originally Posted By: miky152
considering I just caught her with OM she claimed didn't exist, I think I was being nice letting her see the kids at all
Originally Posted By: miky152
Considering how this all went down, I consider that offer generous.
If you're planning to pursue full physical custody, I think you should get started on that and make it legally necessary for supervised visitation. You should then be able to have someone else be the supervisor so that you can do other things during this time.
Yesterday was pretty rough in the morning. Had a bunch of pity parties and was blaming myself a lot for the situation I find myself in.
But I sucked it up in time for when the WW came over to visit the kids. I was nice but not too nice, generally avoided fights, didn't talk about the R, etc...Had a little hiccup when she offered to come over and take care of the animals while I was out of town with the kids, as she no longer has a key and I am not thrilled about having her in the house. I acted hesitant about the offer and she was offended. I did my best to avoid conflict and tried to diffuse it later.
After she left I got a flurry of texts that I didn't respond to, then she asked if my daughter was asleep, to which I finally responded. A few more non-deescript texts and I wound up sending the last one...crap. Oh well, will not dwell on it. I need to get better at responding only to questions and not statements.
Update: As I was typing this, she just offered again to take care of the animals. She added that she would stay downstairs and not bring anyone over to the house, "if that was my concern" I feel like telling her thanks but no thanks and that I have someone else who will do it (even though I don't). Quite frankly I don't want her help.
Update: As I was typing this, she just offered again to take care of the animals. She added that she would stay downstairs and not bring anyone over to the house, "if that was my concern" I feel like telling her thanks but no thanks and that I have someone else who will do it (even though I don't). Quite frankly I don't want her help.
miky152,
I'm sorry yesterday was rough. I hope today is better for you.
I think you're doing the right thing with regards to getting someone else to take care of the animals. The WW will use anything to keep you on the hook.
I second what doodler said. Hang in there miky, we all have our ups and downs, just try to keep in mind that they will pass.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
she texted back "you aren't even going to explain that to me?"
I'm thinking I just let it go and don't even respond, vs. sending a rude comment or actually explaining. I know it's minor, but I feel like I am in a weird spot right now where I need to break away from my codependency and ever decision is important.
