You know that old saw, 'How can I miss you if you won't go away?'
I'm not advocating geographic cures, just to be clear. I'm saying getting out of your comfort zone a bit is good for you.
The book sounds interesting. I will check it out. I'm all about the mindset these days, as that's about the only thing anyone has any control over. My goal is unfailing politeness and cheerfulness to the best of my ability.
Have you ever been to Chicago before? I have a friend who is from there. He recommends Wrigleyville or Millennium Park. If you prefer museums, the Science and Industry museum is allegedly "fing awesome"... next to Soldier Field Bears Stadium which is also next to Millennium Park.
Hope you have time to do one thing that gets you out of your comfort zone. Carpe Diem!
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
2tours to add some thoughts: In your sitch, as painful as it is, it sounds like the MC is being fair (or swinging in your favor a bit) in the sense that your W made her bed and now she must lie in it. It already seems the wind has been taken out of her sails and she's not happy, and you know this. I feel this is positive for you and allows you to go NC and GAL and strengthen yourself. Sounds like you are doing it right. It's so interesting to compare our situations, it's helped me to read yours to realize what parts are bothering me, why, and how I can re-focus. My H framed the NC, and saying his IC said he should take space to heal, to get away from me, to be happy-- obviously demonizing me in the process. I've allowed his slant to affect my NC Gal, but I shouldn't! I need to follow your power lead!
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Altair, Trip is going very well. We are going NC for a month. We go to separate counseling appointments, alternating wach week for the month. We will meet back at the therapist office in January to see what we found out and what we would like to do going forward. She said it can go one of three ways. 1) We decide to end our relationship, 2) We decide to move forward together to work on our relationship, which the therapist would structure dating, etc. Or 3) We decided to go another 30 days of NC or work on counseling while we workout our issue, while not doing NC. The whole process will be managed by our therapist and we worked with her to develop a personal non-binding agreement.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Bttrfly, I come to Chicago often for business and its a great city. A lot to do and very friendly people. I did have some fun, but mainly I am here to work and I've taken some chances in my job to move forward. Today I made a great presentation to our senior team and it went very well. Getting my confidence up and moving forward. Carpe diem!
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Hi 2tours, glad to hear about your awesome presentation. I think your C plan is good (and mature, if I may use that word) and fair to all and perhaps less stressful than a nebulous state.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Hang in there,,,,he LRT I did was the best move I could make,,,leading to this NC. I left her seeing me in a different light, I feel more in control of what I want and I think thats a powerful place to be.
Stick with your plan and try LRT....it really works.
Have a good night and think peaceful thoughts.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Altair, I took it right from the Divorce Remedy book.....I did a 180, removed myself from any conversation with her that she didn't start. I only spoke about me and I limited information on what I was doing. I asked her nothing and I mean nothing, about her, how she was doing, where she was, nothing! Every conversation I projected a positive image of myself, so that she could see that I was moving on.
I can tell you that her tone changed within a week and she began to text me or call me daily. I played this out all the way till tonight where she called me for the last time in 30 days...tomorrow we start NC. She wanted to know how my trip went, etc...I shared somethings, but not everything. She told me how happy she was for me and that she really sensed a change in me. She wasn't too energetic as she moved this week and got her period today....which she volunteered to me, since I never ask her anything about her. So we enter this period of silence with her starting to cycle and me moving ahead with my life at full steam. I left it on a high note...she said she would be rooting for me and I told her I rooting for her too We will see if any of this wakes her up. If not, I will be GAL in December and life will go on.
LRT for me worked great, as it led me to detachment as well. Let me know if you have anymore questions. Take care!
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Well the first day of NC seemed easier than the last day of contact. I am not sure why, but I feel a relief not having to hear from WS for a while. I am GAL and going to work hard on myself this month, enjoy the holidays and the visit from my son later in the month.
I have one question for everyone out there....why would my WS continue to going to therapy. get her own apartment and move out of OM house? I know her IC wanted her to do so, but why is she even bothering to do so?
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
