Ok, so we had our last couples counseling session tonight before we do a 30 day trial separation with NC. I noticed that WS seemed tired and a little stressed out.
The therapist asked us for an update and WS told her that she has been staying with OM the last couple of weeks, but gets the keys to her own apartment this Friday. Therapist asked WS if she's experienced any emotion yet and WS said she was sad because on the way to the appointment she realized that she was really going to miss me and that going 30 days without speaking or communicating with me would be tough. She talked about how hard it's been that she has so few friends and people to talk to, as all of our friends have turned away from her. There is one friend that is willing to talk to her without judging her and she said that she is going to talk to that friend. Therapist asked her what she expected from that conversation and she said reconnection and as well, if we were to get back together she could see that it would help of this friend was supportive.
Therapist asked me where I was in this and I said that I have gone through many stages including grief and anger, but with all of the support I am getting, I can see my future and I am not afraid of it. I said that I this is a major checkpoint for me and that I will be a better man for WS or anyone else that I decide to be with.
The rest of the conversation was about what you would expect from an MLC spouse....moments of revisionist history and denial and then moments of some clarity.
I left the office thinking a couple of things: We are both going to continue therapy while we are in NC, separately every other week,which is encouraging as if she was truly out she wouldn't bother. WS said more times tonight, "if we get back together" than any time before WS is definitely feeling the loss of friends and family finally. WS is denying the grief that will come, but as stress mounts, she will have to deal with it. WS is following the direction of her counselor and getting her own space, as she has been told to so that she can work through this. I put a lot of the right messages out there tonight, to show that I am GAL and on the upswing.
So that is the concise version. I think the signs of stress, WS saying how tired she is, etc are all something to think about as this is catching up to her and she's denying it.
I am not very confident that 30 days will change much, but I am feeling that she is starting to see some of the future and who knows what's next......Hey Trump won the election so anything is possible. In the meantime I will keep working on GAL and preparing for what I want out of my life with or without her.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Well first holiday without WS...fortunately I have all of the friends and family you can ask for so I won't be alone. But no doubt some sadness has crept in. I am GAL and staying true to LRT....WS texted me to check in...I really put out the information at our last counseling session that I am not a safety net and that I am working on myself and moving forward. She seems softened to me, she is definitely feeling the stress of the sitch, so I am thinking she is headed into the acknowledgement phase of this.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you LBS, I hope and pray that all of us can enjoy the peace and joy of those who choose to surround us on these days.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
2Tours...I am definitely in the same situation. My W and kids are doing Thanksgiving out of town. This is the first time in 19 years that I'm without at least one of my kids and the first in 25 without my W. She sent a TM earlier telling Happy Tday. I just responded in kind. Totally missing them, but it is best to try and have the best time we can have.
We are blessed to have such a wonderful group to support us in our time of need.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
SBJ, I feel for you and now that it's nighttime and I'm home alone, is when its the toughest. I know that things may still workout, but I'm not sure I can wait as I would like to have someone to share the holiday with as well.
Counting my blessings and thank you for responding, I hope you go through the day well and that you have a great weekend.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Well we count down towards Dec 1st, and our 30 day NC trial separation. I have noticed that WS is checking in with me a little more frequently. We texted this morning and she asked me about keeping the cleaning lady and I asked her what she wanted to do...she wants to keep for now, until we decide what we are going to do...even though she wont be living here for the next 3 months. I am getting the feeling that she is stressed out and the happiness and excitement of the PA is waning. Although she continues on with it, she is struggling to stay as excited about it as she was. This is according to friends that have seen her or talked to her,
So LRT is still going strong, as we wind out November. The hardest part of this is not knowing whats happening for the month. I will keep working on GAL, posting and reading.
I really need the support of this group, so if anyone can jump in and toss me a bone, please do so. Thank you!!
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
Here's a bone! 2tours, sounds like you are doing great. Keep on the path. Let her learn it's not so fun out there on the so-called green grass. NC will be hard! I have been meaning to ask, the IC recommended it? why? I ask because my H's IC said we should do such a thing, never exactly explained why he thought it was good. I agreed because of advice here FWIW.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Altair, Thank you for the bone! Our therapist thinks my WS was living two lives..taking the best of both worlds. So the NC trial separation is a way to have WS live in what would be her new world. My WS has shown no emotion about what's happening to this point. However at our last counseling session before NC, she said she was sad and when asked why she said because shes going to miss me.
The therapist has been trying to get her to exhibit some form of emotion and she hasn't yet, so this is a sign that maybe she's coming out of replay and into acknowledgement. We shall see.
M52 W52 M17 T20 SS 23 from my 1st M Lives on his own BD 10/01/16 Trial Sep 12/01/16
