I want him to *want* to spend thanksgiving with me, but he's not going to stay here this time. He is going to stay at his mom's house and take our son for the holiday.
She blamed everything on me today and said him getting in trouble was my fault because I said anything. Up until this point she's been in my corner, and now that her son is in trouble, shes turned on me.
I *WANT* to not dread this holiday and his visit and feel like we can be nice and just enjoy each others company but the whole family is becoming hostile and its freaking awful.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
Well it's expected that mama bear will protect baby bear. You're a mom. You would do anything to protect him.
It's pretty clear he doesn't want to spend thanksgiving with you...and that's ok. He has a lot of crap going on (consequences for his actions) and this is an excellent time for you to show you are detached and not there to hold him up and coddle him through it.
It says a lot when he broke it off with the other girl so she not "get in trouble" (which in turn is hurt) yet he openly hurt you. This person is not your husband. Detach, step back, focus on you and your baby and let him deal with his monkeys in his circus.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I decided to spend my Thanksgiving in Seattle. I currently live in Arkansas. Hes flying down on Wednesday, but I'm flying out the day before. Since he's still being negative and bitter about the whole thing, I decided to go see friends I haven't seen in about ten years and visit where I grew up. I think it surprised him a little that Im taking off for the holidays since he'll be here.
I also booked a trip for myself to Alaska next month to go skiing and dog sledding before Christmas. I made brief mention of taking another trip the other night on the phone and he seemed annoyed and got off the phone. He didn't ask where I was going. I just got back from Puerto Rico with a friend last month though and he seems jealous, but not in any kind of good way. Just bitter. I dont know if thats a good thing or not. I'm obviously doing way better than he is at the moment and he knows it.
Today he called to tell me that we needed to discuss splitting up the accounts and that we needed to see a mediator. None of the trips I've taken have come out of our joint accounts. So its not like I'm spending all of OUR money in savings or checking, it was all from a separate travel account I set up a long time ago so we could take vacations together someday. Well.. someday is now and he never wanted to go, so I'm putting those funds to use. He didn't know about the account until I started taking the trips obviously. Maybe not the best time to break it to him, but I worked really hard to save that money and I needed to do something for myself.
Im happy and chugging along and just doing me, but I'm never sure about interpreting his reactions to me. I get that this is all counter intuitive stuff, so I'm a little lost with how to take his bitter and uninterested reaction to me doing well and being happy.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
I guess and how to interpret him calling me to be kind of rude about the accounts and going to see a lawyer. Is it because hes mad that I'm doing better and he just wants to drag me down because misery loves company?
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
I guess I should also add that he's under investigation right now with the military and was fired from his job for his physical affair with a former student of his. He's currently awaiting the results of that investigation and it could ruin his entire military career if he's found guilty of misconduct.
Soooo...theres also that.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
Talking about trips (what you are doing,etc) is definitely NOT detaching.
Also, for your revealing of "hidden" accounts.... do keep in mind that he can claim those as marital assets.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I wasn't calling him to brag about it. We share a child, so I did have to let him know I was leaving. We have to talk about something when we're on the phone. I didn't bring it up in a way which was me trying to catch his attention. Just told him I was going. Honestly, I feel very detached. I'm not wrapped around the axle about what he does anymore. I'm just pleasant and happy and taking care of myself. And since he was planning on staying elsewhere for Thanksgiving (not in our house), I just gave him the courtesy of knowing his mom would have our son because I wouldnt be here.
Theres nothing left of that account to claim as marital assets anymore. He still hasn't filed papers so theres no order on me to not "waste" assets either.
I just wasnt sure how to take his consistently bad mood.
Married for seven years
1 two-year-old boy
BD: 09/16/2016
Separated in different states due to military/school
I don't understand why you seem confused that he is in a bad mood.
He's been put on leave and is under threat of losing his entire career.
That right there would put most people in a horrendous mood.
I don't think it's safe or wise to try to attribute his mood as any indication of how he feels about you or the R or your DBing efforts.
Just keep the focus on you and your son.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I guess and how to interpret him calling me to be kind of rude about the accounts and going to see a lawyer. Is it because hes mad that I'm doing better and he just wants to drag me down because misery loves company?
Theres no way to know how or why hes being rude.
But, in my opinion, if I found out my ex was taking several large trips totaling thousands of dollars right before an impending divorce, I'd be pretty pissed off too. Coupled with losing my job and my girlfriend? Yeah, I think I'd probably be rude too.
