Moved out, working on GAL

[fightin]

Well her attempts to keep me engaged are very few and far between which has is pros and cons. Pro being I don't have to deal with the emotional roller coaster, con being it takes some hope away. Having any sort of hope is bittersweet as well, on the one hand I don't want hope to hold me back from being a better me, on the other hand I don't want to lose hope completely to the point I just don't care if she ever graces my presence again, but maybe that is exactly where I need to be.

All I know right now is I don't want to play by her rules anymore; I have my own rules and boundaries and I'm sticking to them. She wants a life without me, fine, she's got it, but I'm not going to let that keep me down no matter what she's off doing or not doing.

[fightin]

Oh and thank you j2 for dropping by and for the encouragement!

[j20a00g]

Well her attempts to keep me engaged are very few and far between which has is pros and cons. Pro being I don't have to deal with the emotional roller coaster, con being it takes some hope away. Having any sort of hope is bittersweet as well, on the one hand I don't want hope to hold me back from being a better me, on the other hand I don't want to lose hope completely to the point I just don't care if she ever graces my presence again, but maybe that is exactly where I need to be.

All I know right now is I don't want to play by her rules anymore; I have my own rules and boundaries and I'm sticking to them. She wants a life without me, fine, she's got it, but I'm not going to let that keep me down no matter what she's off doing or not doing.

Boom!!! Go back and read your first few posts when you joined the board...definitely an evolution

[Chris73]

Hi fightin. Just wanted to check in and see how things were going with you. You haven't posted in a couple days which basically moves your post down about 5 pages from the front

Sounds like you're staying strong. Good for you!

[bsb]

Glad you are able to get off the roller coaster ride!!

[fightin]

Hey Chris, I'm doing well! I had a break down last night, but that was the first time since the day after I moved. Took me by surprise, but I just rolled with it because I know I need to let myself feel whatever it is I'm feeling. Still hurts like heck from time to time and of course I miss the woman I fell in love with, but overall I'm doing quite well! The physical seperation helps and we haven't communicated since Friday so that helps too.

Thanks for checking in!

Thanks, Bsb, me too. I might have my own ups and downs occasionally, but I certainly don't have to participate in any she might be having or anything she might send my way that could trigger me.

[Vanilla]

There will be days like this, there will be.

The old song, like my momma said.

Sweetheart as you get Rebalanced as your living reestablished then you will be safe to let go.

I advise to walk to the pain, it's a ton better than burying it. Really it is.

Hold your head up, this is nothing to do with you, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it. The only thing you can do is you.

Your sitch has moved very quickly indeed, you may wish to read Dawn sitch (currently in Surviving) hers moved very quickly too. She is a model of dignity and grace. One of my heroines actually.

I can only say, feeling is good, even though those feelings are not the best ones of all.

Big hugs

V

[fightin]

Thanks V! I got caught up on Dawn's sitch, man it sure did move fast. Considering my W had the OW staying over 2 days after I moved out I expect to get D papers any day. She said it would be a while since she doesn't have the money, but I wouldn't be surprised if she gets in a hurry so she can get married ASAP. Surprisingly to myself, as much as I'm sure that would hurt a little, I'm okay with it too because the woman she's become is not someone I have any desire to be with.

Yesterday I saw my SS and it was a good visit. He wanted to go out to dinner so we did. He's an amazing, smart, sensitive, and extremely loving kid! I'm so thankful I still get to be in his life.

On the way he really wanted to get something off his chest, but it was about OW and he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I'd listen anyway because he was really upset. He said OW has started staying over while he's there and it is awkward for him. He said it makes him sad and angry because he misses me and is used to me being there and now there is someone he doesn't even know. His mom asked him if he was okay with it and he said yes. Of course he did, his mother is the type to just say "too bad" if he were to say no and he knows that. It really makes my heart hurt for him that he has had only about 2 weeks to process any of this and his mom has already thrown a new unknown into his world.

His dad, stepmom and I talked about it because I'm concerned for his emotional well being. I told them I was not going to confront my W about it because A) I have no legal standing, B) she will just see it as me being jealous and controlling. His dad confided in me that they've been tracking everything because they're worried about my SS too. Apparently my W has given up some of her time with my SS so she can spend more time with OW. She only has him 50% of the time as it is so it blows my mind that she's just putting him off for this new R. So unfair to him and so NOT okay in my book. He asked for none of this.

Also, yesterday, before I ever left work to head to therapy his dad text me saying that my W had started texting him about how she got SS's latest bill from the doctor (allergies) and she wanted to come by to pick up his dad's half of the bill. It was $30, so not a substantial amount, but she was insisting that she come by after work. She absolutely knew that I was going to be there so that seemed odd to me that she, as dad put it, was being so pushy about coming by.

He said the reason he text me was to see if I was okay with her coming by. I told him that's fine, she's not going to keep me from seeing my SS just because she needs to have her way. He later told me when I got there that he ended up telling her he'd put it in my SS's backpack and send it with him Friday. He said she didn't even respond after that with an "okay". I thought it was a bit odd to be sure, but not my circus, not my monkeys.

My dance card is full for this weekend so that is awesome! I have 2 showings for my rental house here tonight, then I'm going to get started on working on painting. I have a girls' night with some of the soccer moms on Friday night (my stepdaughter from my previous R played when she lived here). Saturday, more work on the rental, and probably Sunday too. I'm looking forward to getting the property all fixed up and rented out, that will be one less thing to worry about.

Hope everyone is doing well!

[fightin]

Oh, and a birthday party to go to on Saturday afternoon. Almost forgot about that one.

[fightin]

Just bumping this up. I Don't have much to report really.

Both potential tenants cancelled for yesterday. One because they already found a place, the other because she'd had a long day at work, but she rescheduled with me for early afternoon today so wish me luck. I'd love to get it rented and get that worry off my plate!