She moved out...now the work begins...II

[fightin]

Hi SBJ, I don't have any words of wisdom, but here to offer sympathy and say I'm sorry you're going through this. Stay strong!

[SBJ]

Thanks for the support "fightin"...encouragement is needed, but so is the tough talk at times. Guys need the tough talk and a 2x4 sometimes to make things sink in.

I did several things today that I needed to get done.
Separate Checking Acct.
Retained the Attorney...means made payment $$$
Dropped off the Temporary Orders and the D Papers to the Attorney to go over.

Spent some time trying to figure out what stage that I'm in.
I think I'm past the denial (mostly).
I'm done bargaining with her.
I am still kind of mad (Anger), but mostly just worried for my kids sanity and for her sanity/safety.
I am occasionally depressed, but it passes if I don't have contact with her.
Maybe I haven't hit the resentment stage and I know I have not hit the acceptance stage, although I feel that I should come to grips and embrace the divorce, so that I can move on, drop the rope, and get a life.
That leaves self-growth, forgiveness, renewal, and living again...I am definitely not there yet.

It is interesting trying to look at things from the outside in. My life right now looks like a bad episode of Days of Our Lives.

[peacetoday]

SBJ

You are doing good

The grieving for the LBS takes time and it lasts until it stops around 1-2 years

It is better to go fully. through it now and make all the changes we can
if we try to avoid the grief, it comes back later
we can't skip it-

as I look back -I remember that time as one of the most painful/transforming
actually I dont see it as bad--I remember the pain but no longer feel it
I dont miss my XH and my kids are doing amazing despite the fact they haven't seen their father in many years-

[Esame]

SBJ I agree with peacetoday, you are doing great! I think the stages can often get repeated, or some times they run at the same time, like parallels. Be kind to yourself, even when it gets bumpy.

[SBJ]

Rough week this week with being served with the D papers, signing the temporary orders, and retaining an attorney. Also the W and I discussed the holiday and decided that it would be best if I did not attend the family trip to Florida. It was going to be our 5 plus 15 of my in-laws...they are all going a bit nuts with our separation right now. They left early this morning. I hope and pray that they all have a great time, but it is truly hard not being with them right now. Even though she and I are on the outs right now. This will be the first holiday in 25 years that I will not be with my W and the first in 19 years that I won't be with at least one of my kids. S19 says that he understood and said he wouldn't be able to go either if he was in my shoes. D14 understands but was sad. S10 didn't understand and took it the hardest. I had a rough morning knowing that they were traveling without me today.

I am going to head out of town and spend Thanksgiving with my father and one of my brothers and his family...hopefully I will get to play a little golf and also watch some football. I will check in next weekend.

I hope everyone has a bless holiday week.

[job]

Travel safely and enjoy the time you spend w/your father and your brother and his family. I know it's not the same as going w/the family, but maybe you need some time to just relax and be away from the ever ending drama for a change.

[SBJ]

Thanks job...I am truly torn.

A friend asked me today why I was having such a hard time with this...I had to explain to them that I wasn't the one that fell out of love with my W. This is something that she has decided to do. Whether she has been planning this for a long time, or if it was just something that happened this summer...it is her decision. I am thrown into having to accept that she is wanting to get out of our M while I'm still in love with her. I have to let go of something that I thought I was going to have forever and someone that I thought I'd grow old with. I guess that is why we are described as the LBS.

He was recently married for the first time last month. I think He finally understood, but unless you are in the storm I don't think you would really understand.

[j20a00g]

Enjoy Cabo bud!

[SBJ]

Cabo isn't happening...planned too late. A change of scenery anyways...Dallas, TX.

I'm missing the kids already. Won't see them until Saturday after Thanksgiving.

I had a couple of emotional rides today, but got thru them pretty good. I saw an interesting quote from someone on the board...he quoted Yoda from Star Wars..."Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." - Yoda

I guess I need to learn from the little guy.

[roist]

I don't think most people can understand our turmoil UNLESS they have experienced it first hand.

This is also why the lbs needs to be careful who he listens to. Advice whilst often well intentioned may not be really in their best interest.

That will be hard to wait to resee your kids. Distract yourself as much as you can. Remember SURVIVE.

Best wishes