Re: Just a Vanilla Change 33

[Zues126]

Your GAL muscles are getting so large you might need to be tested for steroids! Have fun V!

[Vanilla]

Yes doing well on the GAL.

I went on the Essential Experience course, mainly because I want to be capable of a new R, even if I am not ready for one now.

I want an R eventually and the abuse, forced oral cop and rages by a high conflict cheater like the Giggalo, has left me with complex PTSD.

It has to be tackled and I walk to the pain.

My spirit wants to repair itself.

V

[JujuB]

i am happy your spirit is ready to repair itself. I think it will be repaired stronger then ever.

Hugs

J.

[Vanilla]

Posted to Don who doesn't go skinny dipping


I have been thinking about readiness for R following my EE course and putting into place my notes from that course.

EE is the Essential Experience course much talked about when I first came to the board and I set as a goal my desire to attend that course. I want shift.

You know I like scoring stuff?

If you read my threads you will see I do score, for instance Sandi 37 "rules" out of 10. To start with every week then every month.

And I scored the abuse on the abuse threads.

I have my own thriving scoring and goals out of 10.

So what about readiness to R?

I have identified what I think are 10 key R communication factors which I am sharing with you. You can ignore if you want, rubbish V it's ok.

Readiness to R and measuring partner in R (when attaching)

1. I know where I am and know who I am. I have identified my strengths and weakness and I have good boundaries in place. I am a constant work in progress but in general I am balanced. I like me. My partner has good boundaries.
V=8 P=


2. I have identified generally what I want in a partner. I know which of the items are absolute deal breakers for me. One of those is that my partner must be authentic and another that my partner is loving. Health is more important than looks. I have a checklist which gets modified and changed.

V=7 P=

3. I am free to be with a partner. This means unattached and I have the time to give to an R. My previous R is done. I am not overburden with other commitments or hobbies. Space and time are available to share with another. My partner is free with time to build an R with me, I will not be low on priority as the R develops.

V=4 P=

4. I am physically well,a good weight and I take care of me. I choose clothes that suit me, I have good grooming and eat well. I have my act together with great personal care. If I am unwell or stressed, then extreme self care applies. I give myself space to let loose and I take breaks. My partner is healthy and glowing.

I am free of addictions, compulsions and obsessions together with the thoughts of them. My partner is free of this too.

V=6 P=

5. I meditate and apply mindfulness, I am centred and calm when things happen in my life. I can get through most trials and use my resources. My partner has resilience and spirituality with good values.

V=9 P=

6. I can be playful and I have friends, hobbies and things which have great meaning in my life. My friends are appropriate caring. I let go of friends who cease to be good for me. I have put right where I have damaged R with friends and past loves. My partner also has a great support structure of their own.

V=9 P=

7. I have resolved my childhood issues and am working on the best relationships with family of origin. Where bridges have to be mended I have worked to do this. I have let go of family R where that is appropriate. I successfully completed parent or parallel parent my children, even if they are adults. I seek a partner who is also on this path.

V=9 P=

8. I have build the skills I need to be in an R. I understand validation, abuse and listening. My heart is open and where I need to I have counselling and I continue to build on these skills. Seeing this as essential for all my life. I know how to approach someone I am attracted to, and I know how the stages of an R work. I am prepared to move slowly and to let go if that isuits appropriate. I am looking for my best match not just the first one. My partner is growing in these values and skills.

V=7 P=

9. I can live alone without being lonely. I enjoy my own company and would like but do not need another to fulfil me. My life's path is clear to me and I pursue that which is important. I am flexible and alive. My dependants have a high priority in my life. My partner is in a good place too.

V=10 P=

10. I am financially sound, my legal sh1t is finished. I know where I stand and am building forwards. I am independent and have ensured that if my ex is partly providing that I have insurance cover. I have appropriate transport and assets. I live within my means and I apply resources to my wellbeing and that of my children. I have wills and protection. I build my own future. My partner is sound financially.

V=3 P=

Well those are my thoughts.

No score for P as yet there isn't one! So how do I raise my score in my very weak areas?

I think when my score gets to 70 then I will be prepared to go skinny Dipping!

V

[bttrfly]

Hello V ,
Cannot answer your questions as they are mine also! You've given me some food for thought. Good stuff! Many thx
xoxoxo

[doodler]

I think when my score gets to 70 then I will be prepared to go skinny Dipping!

Vanilla,

You have a score of 72. There's a perfect spring fed water hole on the Wacissa River...

[Vanilla]

There is a trip wire no single score less than 7

Sad but true

V

[doodler]

There is a trip wire no single score less than 7

Sad but true

V

Oh poo!

[Ggrass]

One aged pa story

Aged pa was helping me wash dishes whilst I was out shopping, he filled the dishwasher a generous squirt of washing up Liquid!

One very clean kitchen later.......

V

haha oh my what a mess.

Finding the humor does work.

Next time put in a pile of risen aid to dampen the suds mountain. Working in cleaning Asians or people who didn't read English would often do this out the wrong soap in so we had to find a cure.

[Vanilla]

Thanks for the hint GG, I think aged pa learned his lesson.

I had a very tiresome day yesterday, met three people I really would have preferred not to meet including H2 who wanted to go for lunch to apologise to me (no thanks, not needed) and a member of staff who stole a chunk of change and want to talk (no, no, no) and got three pieces of bad news including my legal bill for three months. Massive. 2 court dates.

The Giggalo is as obstreperous as ever.

He has demanded a court appearance on the busiest day of my whole tax year, 30 January 2017. I have unmentionable things to say about him.

Still gets all the pain over with at once I suppose.

This is going to be high conflict because xWH is high conflict. Just watch this space. I have warned my L he lies and cheats and manipulates. He will bend facts and omit things he wants to omit.

We have exchange of information on 26 December 2016, yes boxing day!

WTF is the universe doing to poor old V.

I can only laugh.

I do have ano escort to an important event doodler, he is 13 and very handsome indeed, I am going with his family to watch him get a very important award indeed. Yes 13 years old and a charmer. He sent me a request himself because I encouraged him to take up the sport he is getting an award for. He is one of my closest friends sons and I am very very proud of him.

V