"It's tough when someone won't recognize their side of anything."
We all go through that. And to be honest, you don't know that your W doesn't recognize her side. She may just not want to admit it to you. The whole point is you're still waiting for her to say she's "wrong". You're still trying to control the situation.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Update W Has stated she is moving forward with D as she cannot see us getting back together. She has started asking for pay stubs. Should I give them to her? If not just say sorry I'm going to provide you with that information?
This is really been a blow but not surprising. I had a long conversation with her yesterday and she just sat there quietly while I tried to get her to attend some sort of C. Backsliding I know but it seemed right in the moment. I didn't get too emotional. I really tried to let her know how this would effect our family's and kids. at the end she just said I have a laywer I need to move on. Not surprising but a downer. I havnet been posting lately just been in a funk.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
When going through these upcoming proceedings should I be as tough as possible when it comes to custody. My wife travels out of state for work all the time and I assume she will be seeking joint custody. But her schedule is very erratic. I really feel like I have been a door mat this whole time. When we start to get into this how do I be steadfast in getting what I think is best for our kid when everything is seen as an attack on her end. she thinks this will be an amicable process. I think she expects me to sign whatever she gives me. She has stated that she is not fighting me on anything which is surprising because we haven't discussed anything.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
W Has stated she is moving forward with D as she cannot see us getting back together. She has started asking for pay stubs. Should I give them to her? If not just say sorry I'm going to provide you with that information?
What is the reason to not provide that information? I say theres no reason to drag your feet on the legal process. The divorce is just a piece of paper.
Originally Posted By: Echotym
I had a long conversation with her yesterday and she just sat there quietly while I tried to get her to attend some sort of C. Backsliding I know but it seemed right in the moment.
What was your goal in having this conversation? Frankly, it sounds very invalidating to her feelings to try to press your views onto her. And really, what good would counseling do if she is already fighting to get away. Counseling is for when you both want your marriage to work.
Originally Posted By: Echotym
I really tried to let her know how this would effect our family's and kids.
So you are trying to get her to stay out of guilt? out of obligation?
Originally Posted By: Echotym
I havnet been posting lately just been in a funk.
I wonder if those are correlated. I think posting here can help get things out that you may want to say to W that wont help you reach your goals. I wonder if posting more would help you stay out of your 'funk'.
When going through these upcoming proceedings should I be as tough as possible when it comes to custody. My wife travels out of state for work all the time and I assume she will be seeking joint custody. But her schedule is very erratic. I really feel like I have been a door mat this whole time. When we start to get into this how do I be steadfast in getting what I think is best for our kid when everything is seen as an attack on her end. she thinks this will be an amicable process. I think she expects me to sign whatever she gives me. She has stated that she is not fighting me on anything which is surprising because we haven't discussed anything.
What I bolded is what you should worry about. You cant control if she feels attacked. I would advise to be fair but strong. And focus on what is best for you and your kid. \
She wanted to leave. She can deal with the consequences.
When we start to get into this how do I be steadfast in getting what I think is best for our kid when everything is seen as an attack on her end? She thinks this will be an amicable process. I think she expects me to sign whatever she gives me. She has stated that she is not fighting me on anything which is surprising because we haven't discussed anything.
Echotym,
You politely, but firmly, tell her how things are going to "go down." I always let my W know that she was in charge of the divorce process because she's the one that filed (which was true), but I always did what I needed to do at any given point in the process regardless of what my W wanted.
I suspect that it's a little irritating for the WS to control filing versus not filing, but beyond that, they can't control your decisions unless you allow them to do that. They may spew, but it's just spew. Just stay the course and don't fold to the threats.
Do any of you run into constant texting telling me things I have to do and things she needs and how is the Kid anh oh I want to FaceTime with him and ask him who is over because I am so insecure about what is being said that I can stand it.
I'm trying to manage this and my time with the Kid so it doesn't completely disrupt dinner and bedtime with out being an A$$. Any pointers. again I think I have been that door mat and she accuses me of ignoring her but I just have taken to putting my phone down when I walk in the door and not picking it up. Will this affect custody?
So frustrating.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
When going through these upcoming proceedings should I be as tough as possible when it comes to custody. My wife travels out of state for work all the time and I assume she will be seeking joint custody. But her schedule is very erratic. I really feel like I have been a door mat this whole time. When we start to get into this how do I be steadfast in getting what I think is best for our kid when everything is seen as an attack on her end. she thinks this will be an amicable process. I think she expects me to sign whatever she gives me. She has stated that she is not fighting me on anything which is surprising because we haven't discussed anything.
These are questions for your lawyer, not an Internet forum, but yes, you can get primary custody if your spouse works an erratic schedule. She would still get joint 50/50 legal custody but if you provide a more stable household and schedule then you'll get primary physical custody and she'll get agreed upon hours/days per month as her schedule permits. With that said, discuss this with your lawyer. If you don't have one, get one. A good one.
thanks TxHubby I agree it is headed in that direction. she wants to work together to work on language. Should I work with her on language or just tell her that if she wants to divorce me she will have to serve me papers. I have spoken to lawyers and there is no disadvantage to having work on language. I will have a lawyer look over everything before I sign anything. I'm just thinking from a D busting perspective?
Thanks I have not been posting but reading. I don't see any hope for me at this point. MY GALing has been going good but gets pretty lonely. I cant even be at out home when they are not there I usually leave for a friends house for eh weekend when I don't have the kid.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
she wants to work together to work on language. Should I work with her on language or just tell her that if she wants to divorce me she will have to serve me papers.
In my opinion, if theres an opportunity for collaboration, then I think that is good for you.
