She moved out...now the work begins...II

[job]

I do not think any of us can actually be "friends" w/someone in crisis...but that doesn't mean you can't be friendly/civil. I wouldn't tell her you aren't going to be friends or do anything for her...rather...when she asks you to do something, just tell her you don't have the time at the moment to help her out. You can do this in a nice way so that it doesn't appear that you are punishing her for her decision to move out.

Always, always remember...actions speak louder than words.

[j20a00g]

I told her that I wanted to think about it this weekend and I'd let her know Monday when I got back to work. I have spoken to a L, but do not have one on retainer. Like I said, I guess I was hoping for some divine intervention in my M.

This M was over the second she said it was. The legal process is just that. Now that doesn't mean that a new R isn't possible down the road. But your odds can improve by moving forward.

[hawker]

Ugh SBJ...my W is acting the same way...like its no big deal to throw a M down the drain and being together for 10 years and yours even longer!! Its just hard to wrap your head around that, do they ever wake up????

[job]

I suggest that you retain your own lawyer to ensure that everything is up to par. Also, you want to review the documents as well as your own lawyer. Just because she wants to avoid a hearing, doesn't necessarily make the divorce equitable. It's nothing more than a business deal that has gone south right now. Even though a divorce may happen, it's just a piece of paper and yes, some day you may reconcile w/her. For now, she needs the divorce and she thinks it will make her happy and that she'll be free to do whatever she wants w/o you looking over your shoulder and watching her. She's in for a rude awakening because nothing will change drastically for her. Sure, she'll be euphoric for a bit, but once the excitement wears off, it's back to doing what she's been doing for quite some time.

You don't know what the future holds. You might reconcile, you may discover that life is better than focusing on her and her actions and you may even meet someone new. The future is up in the air at this point in time. Whatever happens, the divorce will put you on the path of moving forward and getting on w/your life.

[peacetoday]

Its hard when you get the papers

WE love our spouses and most of us don't want to have more conflict with them
BUT

the D has to be handled well and as a business deal or we may get stuck losing or paying more than we should-Get a good L

her L is only out for her best interest
She only cares about herself also at this point
They never want us to fight them and it is hard because it creates more distance

[SBJ]

Ok I agree with the attorney aspect.

Here's where I'm struggling. We were suppose to spend the Thanksgiving Holiday at Disney with a lot of my W's family. I have told my D14 that I'd go, but I'm not sure if I'm mentally strong enough right now to handle 9 days at the happiest place on earth while not being very happy.

I have made this same trip with my family and this group many times over the years, but obviously not while going thru this kind of situation. Should I fake it till I make it thru Disney or bow out gracefully? I don't want to upset my kids, but I know they don't want me to be hurt either.

[j20a00g]

You think you will be less hurt sitting at home alone in a dark house while your kids are at Disney?

Go, have a blast with the kids! They want you there. You need to be stronger than they are. If they can handle you not being there then you can handle being there. Make some memories. #yolo

[SBJ]

No the option was Cabo with my dad. Haha. I'm torn.

[j20a00g]

I'll choose my kids anyday. This is yet another sign that you have to work on detaching. Part of it is controlling your emotions and reactions to situations. For the record, MWD also recommends taking advantage of family time (not saying you go and ask her to do things as a family but, if invited by others) as it gives the opportunity to show some of your changes. Key here is that you exude confidence, happiness, and acting "as if" while there and not being the miserable negative Nancy that we all can be during this time.

[j20a00g]

I'm willing to bet a fried turkey dinner that if u were sitting in Cabo u would be thinking about your kids more than u would thinking about your dad in Cabo while Sitting with the kids.