Cherry. He's gone, and divorce is looking

[Cherry]

I'm glad you did Sara makes me smile! I can't quite imagine his fog lifting, but I do think I'm consistent, it's somewhat easier now I don't see him much. Yeah that's kinda how mine is, I was the same with S, now I'm still sick (some days all day) but generally the meds control it and I've started to put the weight I lost back on and hold some food and water down. I could have found out the gender a few weeks ago but I want a surprise again. My gut tells me a boy again, but most of my first pregnancy I thought girl, so I'm clearly not great at that part of mothering instincts!

[Surfer]

Consistency yes. Doing what works and not doing what doesn't. Not giving them bullets to fire for spew and propoganda campaigns.

The fog will go Cherry. They can't function properly with the fog. The think I think is different is putting the past behind us to move forward. Healing only comes when they can confess their wrongs, seek forgiveness and make changes to work together. Both parties need to do this. However, my WW is so stubborn that she can never do this. Ultimately she will not miss me unless I do some massive 180's. Strict NC. No kindness. Get a D going. Date others etc Problem is she has finances for 18mths or so. But pushing for a D is obviously the opposite of LL work. She is clearly still resentful so I wonder if Sandi's way is best. No LL etc.?

Tricky times....but I am very happy being on my own for now.

Surfer

[Cherry]

My wh is very stubborn too! Strict NC is practically impossible where there's children involved! It's definitely all a case of finding what works. I'm not sure of what that is yet. But I'm like you, I'm in no rush to start dating, and I'm busy doing the concentrating on building me up for now.

Had another mad busy day today, lots of fun with S. Feeling rather tired, and the evening sickness has crept in now. So going to crawl into bed ready for work tomorrow!

[AndrewP]

My gut tells me a boy again, but most of my first pregnancy I thought girl, so I'm clearly not great at that part of mothering instincts!

I'm glad you're waiting. My nephew and his wife on W's side knew the whole thing well in advance. I still remember when S22 was born and W was sure that he was going to be a girl. I also feel that naming in advance takes out some of the challenge and mystery. We picked a bunch of names in advance but when D24 was born we held her and felt that she should be named after my great-grandmother.

You're doing well sweetie and I'm glad that at least what you are writing is focused on yourself and your children.

[PsySara]

You have immense self control, I was so nosey about what my baby was I think I would've paid $$$ for an early blood test if it had been available, lol. Alas the high risk OB I had didn't do those kind of blood tests so I had to wait until the anatomy scan. I also had poor intuition when it comes to guessing the sex, I've been wrong every time, haha! You're doing fantastic!

[Cherry]

Thanks Andrew, I agree for me it makes it all more special waiting. And I'm the same school of thought with names, I had a few in mind for either gender but when I held him and saw him, it took a few days to think of the perfect one that suited him.
Thanks sara, usually I have little patience, and I admit I was curious at the scan, but then I thought of how special my last delivery was and finding out then- and it was so worth it! I think we more than make up our mothering instincts elsewhere!

[Cherry]

So not much new really to update. I've had such crazy sickness today, and not managed to eat or drink much so I'm feeling absolutely exhausted and rather sorry for myself. Because of the physical side of me taking a bit of a beating, I feel like this evening the mental side has taken a hit.

I read over on Sara's thread that grl feared she was too dim; which has led to me thinking, am I being too dim that I am going to cause more harm? But I mean when I do see him, he is so unbelievably withdrawn, I don't think he would appreciate hearing from me anyway. I never hear from him, and he has so far called around about once a week for about an hour. He never contacts even to see how s is.

I know this low mood and over thinking is because I'm physically feeling unwell.

[Vanilla]

Thank you for updating.

V

[JksD]

(((Cherry)))

I am sorry you're feeling so poorly physically and this has affected your mood.

I guess I must clarify what I meant by going too dim. I didn't just go too dim; I couldn't retire my resting biatch face and I was still angry and hurt. And scared.

There were times when I sort of slapped the door on his face because I was so justified in my own hurt.

Because I was still swinging on my own wrecking ball, I missed little signs of him trying to reach out.

Cherry, I dont see you doing that. I dont see you pushing him away. You have been kind, civil and on even keel.

Continue to treat him kindly when he comes over. Monitor what happens first.

[Cherry]

Ah okay grl, thanks for clarifying that for me. I'm on the right track then. The way I see it is that I want my s to see parents that get on. I also don't want to hold onto angry, when I was angry, I felt out of control and very attached. Working on me and finding my own peace has helped me be calmer and let go somewhat.