Thx ya'll, just knowing that we are gonna sign the contract to sell the house this morning, and that will be that, brought on a lot of emotion. It appears it did for W as well, I woke up to see this text:
"It makes me really sad that you have decided to leave the state. I realize that you have to do what you feel is best for you but Son is going to be so sad & i just can't believe that you don't want to be in his everyday life anymore.
I know you are anxious to start your new life but I wasn't in a hurry to rush the divorce. I guess I still had some hope that we may be able to find our way back to each other at some point. Sorry to dump all this on you. It's just really sad. "
I gotta be honest, it's a message that I wanted so bad for so long, but it doesn't mean much to me now. I'm really in a good place, and it kinda irritates me that she could keep doing everything she's been doing and then admitting that she wants to keep me as her backup plan. I don't even know how to respond to that, or if I even want to. If I was giving DB advice to myself, I would probably say:
"A D isn't want I want, but it just isn't that easy anymore, a lot has happened in the last few months and actions haven't shown any indication to me that fixing us is what you really want. It pains me not to be part of sons daily life, but selling the house takes me out of that role regardless of where I live, even if I lived locally I would only be able to be with him once or twice every two weeks."
Thoughts?
So this was from last thread, since then I got a call from mother in law this morning saying WW was posting sentimental stuff last night, something about not knowing whats worse, saying something that you regret, or regretting not saying anything when you should have. then someone commented saying yep, been there, and WW replied yeah, especially lately. Said she called WW last night, and she was crying and upset about whats going on, but wouldn't really talk to her.
Then, just started getting texts from WW BFF, saying BFF - "Are you sure you wanted to do this? Shes having second thoughts. Weve been talking heart to heart the last few days.
Me - WW knows exactly what I would need to get back together, I have told her the two things I would need, two things that I am not willing to budge on. I don't want this, but if she's not willing to do what I would need to stay together, then it is what's going to happen. I'm willing to do anything to save my marriage, but we would both need to be willing to do that, otherwise it isn't going to work.
BFF - I got her to understand giving up the firefighter thing. I think she'll do it.
BFF - She's been liking wedding stuff all day and watched your wedding video last night. She doesn't want you to go.
Me - look, I appreciate your telling me, but I need her to talk to me, I need her to tell me how she feels.
BFF - that's what I told her. She's scared. I told her to wake you up last night. Once you sign the house away, it's pretty much final.
BFF - Go grab her and kiss her. Come on, lets get you two back together. Talk to her, please.
Me - I've already signed the offer, it's in her hands now, but if she can't talk to me, then she doesn't want it very bad... it's in her hands
BFF - whats the other thing?
Me - If she really wants it to work out, she needs to not send in the offer. There's no way I'm going to grab her and kiss her, that's not something I want to do right now, balls in her court.
BFF - sorry I'm a hopeless romantic. To many movies, lol.
Me - The other thing is transparency, no secrets, no downloading apps and hiding it, no secret communications with him. I've fought for her for the last 6 months, I'm finally ok with moving on.
BFF - I agree with you 100%, she needs to leave the fire station all together.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Cnut! From the aspect of wanting our marriage to be saved that sounds very positive. I think you hit the nail on the head with BFF. Your W needs to do the heavy lifting and those are two very understandable things Hoping it goes well
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
It almost sounds like you were doing a LRT without actually doing the LRT to get her back and it seems to be working.
Whatever happens Cnut I think you handled your sitch about as well as you could.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
I got to tell you that it took me a long time to be ok with whatever outcome happens, but as soon as that happened, she noticed. I really am ok with not selling the house and trying to save our M, but I'm just as fine if we do sell and move on, it really feels good being ok either way.
I am not trying to convince her either way, the only thing I said to her is that once they have the contract we cannot back out, but I'm not trying to convince her of anything. I don't want her if she's not willing to do what's needed, she needs to make that decision on her own. I am a bit concerned about her not signing for the wrong reasons, (so son doesn't have to move), but I can't control that. We will see how this plays out.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Oh geez! The drama with you just never ends, does it? :-)))
I have still been following your sitch, but have been at a loss of what to post. When you were a slow driving train wreck, it was easier to just jump in and slap you on the wrist!
Now your sitch just makes me sad. On the surface, we all get hooked in like with any good tv soap, but underneath that are two people that very much care for one another. However, you are both so painfully stubborn!!!
IMHO if you truly love her and if you truly want your M, then you need to ask yourself if an ultimatum will bring you that. It will never work this way. There I said it. Done. You don't have to go on now and try and convince me otherwise. Don't. What do I know.
Best of luck in your new state! (((C-Nut)))
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
lol, Blu I feel like I was just the victim of a drive by shooting.... Now you know the best way to get someone to do something is to tell them not to, so I'm not sure if your using reverse psychology..
Anyway, I don't think no contact with OM and transparency is an ultimatum, it is my boundary and I'm not able to live with her without those two things. If it comes across as a ultimatum, it is not my intention, but it is worth not getting back together, for my own sanity if nothing else.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
lol, Blu I feel like I was just the victim of a drive by shooting.... Now you know the best way to get someone to do something is to tell them not to, so I'm not sure if your using reverse psychology..
Anyway, I don't think no contact with OM and transparency is an ultimatum, it is my boundary and I'm not able to live with her without those two things. If it comes across as a ultimatum, it is not my intention, but it is worth not getting back together, for my own sanity if nothing else.
You see, I knew you couldn't resist! Muah ha ha haaa!
Boundaries or ultimatum? I don't know. I mean really, this is all so confusing and hard. But I do know that life is short and there are plenty of fish in the sea. You will be great!!!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
