H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Hey JK, just catching back up on where you are. That text conversation must have been exhausting for you. I do get how letting that out can make you feel better though. I went through similar a few months ago and it was like opening a valve and letting out a ton of built up pressure. You just feel better afterwards, like a weights been lifted.
Unfortunately, sandi and Sara are right. We need to limit that type of response bc in the end it's counterproductive. It only reinforces the negative perception our Ws have of us. I know in my situation it did.
That said, hang in there brother. Yours is a very difficult path. You're doing well!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
So Friday night I took about 1000 steps backwards. XW and I were texting back and forth for 2 hours. I broke every DB principle.
Not quite plus I have done this too. Just not in writing in texts that can be kept. Shoot foot both in any order.
XW: Hi maybe you misunderstood I was talking about meeting halfway tomorrow or Sunday Let me know what day works.
Where is the shared calender? Get around these issues by having a shared Calender.
Me: Neither, I am busy.
Blunt but ok.
XW: Ok well I guess we'll be charged until you're free Look if it's not this weekend then we're looking at a mid way exchange on either the 19/20th. Your call. I don't have anyone available to drive me back from London if it's not other of these weekends. You're more than welcome to come and pick it up from here if there's a more convenient date and time. Just let me know so I can coordinate. Thanks.
pleasant enough response
And please have the boys call me.
Reasonable request if a little demanding and non specific.
Me: XW, I understand that you must be very busy with an active social life. Glad to hear that. Guess we will have to continue to resolve things thru lawyers.
completely off grid. Delete.
Me: The boys are home if you would like to call.
Much better.
XW: If in all I incur long distance charges
Suggest Skype, messenger to cut costs for all. As in XW can we find a way to save us both costs?
When you ask me to call you I do Show me the same courtesy As for the car return it has nothing to do with my active social life I have to coordinate a ride home
You set this up!
Me: Then return it as the dealer requested.
XW: I am trying to do that You're being uncooperative
accusations all round
We can send this to the lawyers to work out if you wish
Really drive up bills?
Me: I have a full plate. I am sorry you feel I am being uncooperative
XW: I'm sure you do. Like you wanted
Me: Absolutely Am i calling your cell for the boys to talk to you?
XW: Please and thank you
After saying she should call, you caved. Find a cheaper way.
Me: For the record this is not what I wanted.
Yes that is clear
XW: Ok Jim it's been noted You can seem to grasp that this is happening whether you want it to or not
Spot on
If you want to continue to make this impossible that's fine
Petulant. However she has a point.
You're the one that filed in the first place.
True, factual statement
You're the one that kept the kids from me. I told you I would never forgive you for doing that but you didn't seem to comprehend the results of your actions
You are doing the best for the boys ignore.
I can't fix what you broke
Projecting
I want to get you the car back I literally have no way home So work with me
OK back to the car
Or we can go through lawyers and judges again
More expense
You cut my phone off
Did you advise her?
You don't respond to my texts or emails
Is this true? Do you never respond? Ever ever in the history?
You don't want it like this
No she wants it all her own way
But you are making it like this
Projecting
Me: Really, let it go XW. The past can't be fixed.
You can't tell her what to do or think.
You are smart enough to know the impact of your actions also.
Good truth dart but lost in the tit for tat.
I had a purpose for working so many hours. I feel my perspective was never understood.
Maybe you didn't explain?
XW: I know Jim. All you want to do is going around crying to everyone validating your side of the story Don't really care anymore.
Projecting again. And yes she does.
Me: We are both to blame.
Yes, but she left.
The fact that we did this to the boys makes me sick.
Oh dear!
It is not about me.
Really! Thsee texts are though!
It is about doing the work that os required to be in a marriage.
yes it was. Use the past tense
XW: The marriage is over. Now this is about doing the work that is required of us as parents
Yes it is
Me: I am.
You are, so start parallel parenting.
What are you doing? Nothing. No job, just took money.
Blaming
XW: You've all but cut me out. Not much I can do
Ignore nonsense
Me: You chose that when you filed.
You Filed TOO!
XW: I chose not to be married to you anymore That didn't mean I chose not to be their mother
This is true
In your sick mind it's all or nothing
Abusive comment. Very abusive
Me: You chose to break up a family. Read up on it. You are the psych major. You should know the impact this has on them I didn't run away.
are you really expecting a positive reaction to This?
XW: I left you because you're a drunk and a verbal abuser A narcissist that can only see how things affect him
projecting
Me: Ok yes I am a drunk and a verbal abuser.
Do not agree to any negative statement she makes. None.
You are a narcissistic manipulator
Stick to behaviour, she isn't diagnosed
XW: Uh huh Whatever you want to tell yourself
She knows, you hit the mark
Me: You don't care what divorce does to a man.
No she may not but it's mind reading
Years off my life which the boys lose out on also.
Blaming her for your reactions?
XW: All you want to do is rehash the past Place blame Deal with reality
You are, she isnt.
Me: Not rehashing the past.
XW: Make it better for the kids Focus on that
You both need to do this.
Me: You need to deal with reality also. Parallel parenting XW. That is all.
XW: Yes that is all I have no desire to try and do Co parent
You have agreement then
---------------------------------
Now we have two children in a playground. My dad is bigger than yours and can beat yours up. Yes he can, no he can't.
Me: When you grow up and stop running to your mommy and daddy then maybe we can talk
XW: Says the man who's father bails him out constantly
Me: Take responsibility for your actions. Whatever
XW: My parents are supportive
Me: So are mine.
XW: I am Ok In less than a week this is officially over Whether you sign or not, whether you like it or not
-------------------------------- We were discussing how to exchange the rental Stay on point
it is her responsibility to return it.
Me: I am happy that I will never have to fund your bad behavior
XW: I'm happy too Look if you want to exchange this weekend you really have to let me know now I have to coordinate my ride
Me: Do some work and take responsibility pick up the car, drive the hyundai back to toronto until you buy your own
XW: No we can exchange the vehicle
Me: Sorry busy
XW: Ok then Onus is on you
Me: Lawyers it is
XW: I already spoke to my L
Me: Likewise Boss whoever you want around. It wont be me anymore.
XW: I'm not trying to boss you around I don't have a ride home
Me: Figure it out your dad doesn't work
XW: What do you want me to do? Hitchhike back to TO? My dad is ill That's like me saying have your mom pick it up You have a mother that is supportive and a sister and brother in law and boyfriend and friends.
XW: Don't be an a$$ Yes I do And they all work and have lives You have family too
Me: I am not. You are the social butterfly that needs adult time
XW: My mom is willing to drive to London
Me: Yes they are all raising their families Cant help you. Sorry
XW: Ok Then you can come pick it up from Toronto
Me: And you will get the bill.
XW: Whatever you think Jim I tried to work with you here You're being unreasonable
--------------------------------------
Delete all of the above.
Me: There is no working with you, you don't respect me. I do not need to work with anyone that doesn't respect ne. I am doing the work
XW: I do respect you
Me: What have you done Really
XW: Apparently nothing in your mind
Me: That is why you went online dating and left our 2 year old
XW: Yes Jim you've done all the work
Me: For your needs
XW: No Jim you kept him
XW: We were in divorce proceedings I moved on with my life
Me: No need for me to move to toronto then
No there isn't. Your M as it was is over.
XW: You thought you'd take the kids hostage and somehow make me come back to you that way That's your decision I never believed you would anyway
Me: XW, we will never agree on anything anymore.
XW: Just another manipulation
projecting
No we won't
Me: I am doing the work that you asked. Lets see if you will do the same.
As a father and for Jim you should
XW: Jim our marriage is over
Your old M is clearly done
Me: You wanted me to have the hard conversations well here we are
XW: It doesn't matter anymore
Me: Love is a choice XW
It is, and XW doesn't agree.
XW: No it's really not Jim I don't love you anymore
Me: Ok princess go fall in love again and again
Can't tell someone what to do.
I am done wasting my time with you
Really?
I deserve someone who will accept me for who I am.
Yes.
I was willing to do that to save the marriage even with all the actions you took
Yes
You had this planned for at least a year and a half and I was the nice guy that gave you everything, never said no.
Your issue.
Goodnight.
------------------------
fact based part
XW: What dealership is the rental from?
Me: Enterprise in x city. The paperwork is in the car with their address and phone number
XW: Ok maybe I can return the car to an enterprise here Or in Buffalo I'll call and find out tomorrow Keep you posted
-----------------------
Back to the playground
It would've been nice if you had enough sense to ask ahead of time Instead of wasting all this time and energy
Me: Ask what ahead of time The rental? I just found out today. They called and I went to get the estimate. It is not like I was slacking off.
XW: It's ok
---------------------------
Sensible? Really. You do it, no you. You. No you! One question. Can i return the rental anywhere? Toronto?
Me: Why are you asking me
XW: That's all you had to ask Instead this turned into a bigger deal than it needed to be
Me: Well I had other issues to deal with. How about you do something for a change. Stop telling me what I could have done. YOU do something
XW: Ok Jim
--------------------------
Name calling!
Me: I am pulling more than my fair share.
XW: Uh huh
Me: Narcissist
XW: You fought for this Now deal with it You left me for a year You've had what? 2 months
Me: Absolutely I am. Keep projecting XW I don't care anymore
XW: I have no idea what you're talking about but fine
Me: You never have
XW: I don't want to hear how much work it is Or how busy you are Guess what I know how hard it is and how much work it takes
Me: Do you
XW: I do
Hey! She chose to adopt!
Me: Not while carrying a full time job.
Fair comment
What are you going to contribute to the boys over the next 15 years? Nothing financially.
The courts will have their say in this.
XW: I know when I needed your support you told me to "shut the f up" all the time
Did you? Or is this rewriting history.
Me: Nothing I did was appreciated. I was working my a$$ off to out a down payment on an 850K house
XW: Again, I had a sound financial plan You chose to fight against me having them Against investing their money That's on you
Me: Their money will be invested
XW: Well who cares now anyway
Me: You dont I care
XW: All that money I worked so hard at saving, you worked so hard at making You just gave it to lawyers Even now
Me: You filed XW. Enough with the i filed first.
XW: Deal wit it Jim
Me: You gave 70K to lawyers
really this is getting out of hand!
and you could have had a diamond ring but u did not want to talk u ran away
This is matrial stuff and largely irrelevant whether love is a choice. XW has chosen.
XW: I don't love you. I don't want to be married to you.
OK
I don't want to be financially tied to you.
Me: Likewise
Tough you are both going to be.
XW: Talk about what? Are you insane?
Me: No u are
XW: You filed for divorce and took the kids from me
Me: A mother would never leave her children
XW: There's no forgiving that
Me: These boys came from a broken home and now they are back in a broken home
XW: That's what you believe so you took them hostage to keep me a prisoner
Me: Ur free Do what u want i dont care
XW: Well you're doing your best at making it awful for us all The kids are unhappy
Me: Yes I am. Always the bad guy. U do no wrong
XW: They told you they wanted to live with me
Me: No they are not. They are happy and with a stable parent
XW: Ha
The courts will decide this based on the evidence you give them. This isn't helping you.
Me: Do u work Do u contribute to them financially
XW: Is that what you want Money from me XW: Sad
Yes and you should want something
Me: No. I don't want anything from you
You should.
-------------------------------
accusations. If you can prove this it's a police matter.
XW: Good then stop
Me: I should have stayed with the divorce the first time
XW: Sign the "censored" papers already Yeah I guess you should've
Me: Its not agreed on times and everything
XW: Saved us time
Me: 60 overnight a year mom
XW: Ah well
Me: U burned that money
XW: What?
Me: Their money
XW: You burned It
Me: Ok xW whatever
XW: I wanted to write this out Without lawyers You're an a$$ and everyone told you
Me: Then u should have written it. I wasn't going to do it for you
XW: Not to go through lawyers I did You never responded
Me: You stole my money you and your mother
XW: You're insane No one stole anything from you
Me: I will never forgive you or ur family for what they did.
XW: All my family ever did was help you You feel better getting this off your chest?
Me: I don't want to know you anymore. Really? They helped us not me. And you and them just took it monetarily.
XW: You're family was awful, truly awful to me
Me: 100K. 50% interest ha! You never listened to your father and let a few things slide.
XW: I'm not discussing this anymore
Me: There is always an excuse with u Goodnight
-----------------------------------
Now what else can you fight over?
XW: As for the furniture I'll get back to you What about the agreement do you want to change? The drop off times? Like you want it to be 8pm and not 5 pm This is so ludicrous Jim we're divorced I don't know why you can't deal with that reality But for the kids I would recommend you put your big boy pants on and be civil and courteous and make it the best possible situation for THEM
Me: I am XW. This is what you want. I am civil.
XW: Ok
Me: I am looking out for me and the boys.
XW: No you're looking out for you
Me: Goodnight
XW: I don't think you care about them at all Yes what fits my schedule
Me: Goodnight. Not talking about this anymore. We can just email if you continue and I will uninstall this app.
You really should
XW: We have to work so that it fits in both our schedules
Me: That is why the schedule needs to be set in stone. I will follow it precisely.
Get a calendar going and complete it
-------------------------------
I am, no you aren't, yes I am, no......
XW: I know you will Completely inflexible Sad It is set Jim You agreed to it in mediation Anyway, no trying to reason or be logical with you
Me: There is no reasoning with you
XW: I am reasonable And flexible
Me: My world no longer revolves around you
XW: It never did Jim
Me: Ok XW
XW: It should revolve around the boys
Me: I get it so it is what it is
XW: And what's best for them
Me: It does and it will be fixed. That will be the schedule and that is what we will stick to until each child is 18
Me: You wanted this
XW: I wanted it to be amicable
Me: So deal with it.
XW: But your incapable of that
--------------------------------
It isn't amicable at this stage. It can be agreed, if not cooperative then admin functional
Me: It is amicable.
XW: I am No it's contentious XW: And awful For the boys
Me: No you want what you want with no consideration of my input and feelings
XW: No I know your feelings And your input Your way or the highway It's fine
------------------------------
Me: Stop putting the boys in the middle and using them. If you cared about the boys you would understand that they want a mom and a dad living under the same roof
Maybe but isn't going to happen
XW: No that's what you want
At what cost?
Me: Yep now it is my way or the highway
XW: And that will never happen Not with us
Me: Ok
XW: Not ever again
Me: Good because I deserve so much more
--------------------------------
This should be about the boys and the best for them. Not about money. Who they are best with is about practicalities and love, stability.
XW: They wanted to live with me But you didn't care It was never about them It was always about you
Me: They can but not for the price you want. I am not a fool
XW: Ok well that's that
Me: Glad u have a home for them
XW: You'll pay double that in child care And waste all their money
Me: No I wont
XW: No I don't Can't afford the house
Me: I ran the numbers. I don't have to fund your nails or hair or clothes and shoes and I will save thousands
XW: Ok great So I guess it works out then
Me: That's too bad. U said your parents were going to gift it. What happened to your support Nice huh
XW: Makes no sense for me to keep a house that big if it's going to sit empty
Me: Agree
-----------------------------------
Well now the true crux of the conversation. Her current bf.
So sell it after a year and go move in with ur boyfriend. Guns and motorcycle two things u never want the boys to touch You were opposed to those things and now you are dating a guy that has both.
XW: He's a cop
Me: Nice example to set. So what
XW: It's not like he's an outlaw
Me: Have fun with the cop. Hunters are not bad people either
XW: He doesn't kill helpless animals
Me: Hunters are not bad people either but to you they are
XW: And he's certainly not going to have a gun at the house Or have the kids shoot it
Me: Ok Right Figure that out when u move in with him That was unacceptable in my book that the boys had to meet someone so soon. Great example you set.
XW: I'm in a serious relationship
Yeah, right!
Me: Don't text me anymore am tired of you XW and want to move on. You have no idea the damage that you caused. Great enjoy I don't want to know about it. I am uninstalling this app
Uninstall the app. Stop squabbling using it.
XW: Ok fine whatever then since i won't be able to freely communicate with you I'll just ask that the boys call me every night before bed
Me: I want nothing to do with you. Your behavior disgusts me. Buy them a phone then
XW: They're too young for a phone
Me: I am not funding you. Let ur serious relationship fund it
XW: So just have them call me
Me: No. They are kids. If they ask me yes I will. Otherwise you call
XW: No that's not how it works I do call and you don't answer
Me: And I am going to make it clear one last time. Never call my work phone or email my work unless it is an emergency with the boys. Yes XW that is how it works
good boundary.
XW: Well when you don't respond to me it is an emergency
Me: What two nights that we were busy Whatever
XW: Technically that's not a justification
Me: Go find someone else to jump thru hoops for you I am done Yes it is Entitled princess
------------------------- set up a schedule and stick with it. Ok.
XW: I'm entitled access to my children That doesn't make me a princess
Me: Agree So you can call
XW: Jim when I call you complain they're eating or shower in You know when they're free to chat so you can call
Me: No I do not. Goodnight.
XW: Why do you text me and make me call you when I have them?!?! Okey dokey goodnight
Me: Then lets set times. That will be the only way this will work
XW: Yes
XW: Simple Have them call me every night What time works? 7:30?
Yes at long last
Me: No u call o am not calling u
XW: Great look forward to it Ok fine I will call
Me: Lets put it in the JOD
Yes, wasn't that easy, use a calender! I am shouting very loudly!
XW: FaceTime
Yeah
I don't have long distance You do though
Me: Not my problem
XW: That's ok
Me: Ur problem
XW: JOD is set
Me: Nope Not signed
XW: Can't change it The judge will sign it for you Nov 11
Me: Yes i know
XW: Whatever
--------------------------
Here we go again
XW: You say this is amicable You're being so childish It's pathetic
Me: No i never did U are the child that ran away
XW: You just did Ok and here we go round and round
Me: No you want this to be amicable your way
XW: Get over the fact that it's over
Me: You hurt me and the boys
XW: No you hurt the boys
Me: Good riddens Whatever
XW: You're still hurting them
Me: Whatever
XW: You'll never stop
Me: I never tell them anything negative about you. I also dont play the victim
XW: Ok
Me: That is what u do
XW: Ok
-------------------------
Has the court said she should? You have no say unless it does.
Me: Get a job and start contributing to their future
XW: Goodbye
Me: Finally. Afraid to work
Me: What comes around goes around XW
---------------------- Well. That was helpful all Around!
I do get it. You are hurting and she is entitled. There is little you can say.
Take action not words.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
ExW, there are a few practical matters to discuss.
I would like us to use an online calender and put key events on it. I have set one up on xyz and here is the log in.
To save long distance call costs I suggest we use FaceTime or Skype or..........
Every night at 7:30 the children can chat to the other parent.....
Very soon they will be old enough to set this up for themselves. If there is a problem we advise.
You have to return the car, as you suggest the best and easiest way is to the dealership. You are well able to do this I am sure.
For a number of reasons this weekend is fully booked.
I will not respond if you ring me at work. I will do my best to liase via the Calendar, any other urgent messages can be inserted on it. We can check daily.
We both want the best for the boys future irrespective of the past, we can both abide by the court rulings and the best way is to demonstrate this on a calander.
Using the app at this stage isn't helping us and I have uninstalled it.
------------------------------
Those are my thoughts Jim.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Thank you for the comments. I will study it to ensure I do not get caught up in a mess like that again.
Below is yesterday's communication with XW, before you commented V. I think I did a little better.
XW: Hi just a heads up I dropped the car off XW: Just want to confirm that I'm picking the kids up Friday in London XW: I'm renting a vehicle XW: Need to know XW: If you want we can push back that weekend to the next
Me: Yes exchange on Friday. Please bring the key fob for the Hyundai and checkbook and credit cards from joint accounts.
XW: Ok great. Yes I'll give you the key fobs for both the Hyundai and the Chrysler. Any cards/check books I had have been shredded. XW: What time are we meeting in London? XW: 8?
Me: Yes
XW: Ok
Me: I would also like to put the boys birth certificates and medical cards back in the safe. Please bring those also.
XW: I will gladly bring you their medical cards. The rest is fine in the safe here. We have joint custody. I am allowed to have these documents. I can give you copies. You've proven to be very unorganized and careless with important documents and papers. Misplacing your tax returns, your W2 statements, leaving their passports in the car for weeks on end...
Me: XW, since they are with me during the school year I propose I have that information readily available. We can exchange the documentation when you have them in the summer.
XW: You're just so stubborn. I'm not sure why they need to be "readily available"
Me: Yes XW I am stubborn. Would like to have them just in case they are needed. I have no issue exchanging them when the boys are with you.
XW: Needed for what? XW: I'm not fighting about this XW: I'll bring them to you
Me: Agree neither am I. I am asking politely.
XW: I'm sure you'll make it beyond impossible for me to ever get them back or accessible if I ever need them XW: Just like everything else XW: Have you decided not to transfer to TO? XW: Will you be staying in MI?
Me: Are you saying I am making your life difficult?
XW: You've been nothing but nasty to me the last 2 years XW: Yes difficult beyond words XW: But that was your goal XW: Denying me access to the kids, denying me any say in their lives XW: Anyway, it is what it is
Me: I see it differently
XW: I'm sure you do XW: Whatever
Me: Sorry you feel that way. Goodbye.
XW: Will you not answer me regarding the transfer? XW: Your lease is up at the end of the month XW: Will you and the kids be staying at your current address? Will you be moving? XW: Will they be changing schools again!
Me: Don’t know yet.
XW: Well please let me know when you do XW: It is my right to know where my kids live and what school they attend
Me: Will update you when I take action. I no longer want to communicate without action.
XW: Sorry. Explain the last sentence. XW: Communicate without action? XW: No communication unless there's something going on? XW: Is that what you meant?
Me: Yes.
XW: Well that's fine. I have no desire to discuss anything with you other than the children
Me: Ok
XW: Ok well have a great day. I'll be in touch later to speak to the kids
Me: You too
So I pick up the Hyundai today and am told the rental company is charging a fee to ship the rental car back to Michigan. I had to pay the shipping fee. I sent XW the bill so she can pay the amount since she chose not to drive it back.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I think you need to work on keeping emotions out of this. This is business, pretend she is a difficult colleague. Regardless how you feel about your colleague and however rude she is, you wouldn't answer back, right?
I've made suggestions below. Anything I didn't comment on sounded just fine, so the vast majority of this was very good, IMO. I'm pointing out the few lapses just to show that you have the full power to make this a completely calm and business-like exchange if you want to.
Originally Posted By: JimKao
V,
Thank you for the comments. I will study it to ensure I do not get caught up in a mess like that again.
Below is yesterday's communication with XW, before you commented V. I think I did a little better.
XW: Hi just a heads up I dropped the car off XW: Just want to confirm that I'm picking the kids up Friday in London XW: I'm renting a vehicle XW: Need to know XW: If you want we can push back that weekend to the next
Me: Yes exchange on Friday. Please bring the key fob for the Hyundai and checkbook and credit cards from joint accounts.
XW: Ok great. Yes I'll give you the key fobs for both the Hyundai and the Chrysler. Any cards/check books I had have been shredded. XW: What time are we meeting in London? XW: 8?
Me: Yes
XW: Ok
Me: I would also like to put the boys birth certificates and medical cards back in the safe. Please bring those also.
XW: I will gladly bring you their medical cards. The rest is fine in the safe here. We have joint custody. I am allowed to have these documents. I can give you copies. You've proven to be very unorganized and careless with important documents and papers. Misplacing your tax returns, your W2 statements, leaving their passports in the car for weeks on end...
Me: XW, since they are with me during the school year I propose I have that information readily available. We can exchange the documentation when you have them in the summer.
XW: You're just so stubborn. I'm not sure why they need to be "readily available"
Me: Yes XW I am stubborn. Would like to have them just in case they are needed. I have no issue exchanging them when the boys are with you.
I would have left out the 'yes XW I am stubborn.' It can come across as emotional. Don't let her get to you, keep it to business. Ignore any arrows she slings your way.
XW: Needed for what? XW: I'm not fighting about this XW: I'll bring them to you
Me: Agree neither am I. I am asking politely.
No need to continue the back and forth. This would be a good place to just say 'thank you'. She said she was going to do what you wanted, so no need to keep discussing.
XW: I'm sure you'll make it beyond impossible for me to ever get them back or accessible if I ever need them XW: Just like everything else XW: Have you decided not to transfer to TO? XW: Will you be staying in MI?
Me: Are you saying I am making your life difficult?
What did you mean by this? It sounds like you're picking a fight. Look at the response you got - you had the power to avoid the unpleasantness below.
All you had to say here, was "I don't know what's happening yet, I will keep you informed of the development."
XW: You've been nothing but nasty to me the last 2 years XW: Yes difficult beyond words XW: But that was your goal XW: Denying me access to the kids, denying me any say in their lives XW: Anyway, it is what it is
Me: I see it differently
XW: I'm sure you do XW: Whatever
Me: Sorry you feel that way. Goodbye.
XW: Will you not answer me regarding the transfer? XW: Your lease is up at the end of the month XW: Will you and the kids be staying at your current address? Will you be moving? XW: Will they be changing schools again!
Me: Don’t know yet.
XW: Well please let me know when you do XW: It is my right to know where my kids live and what school they attend
Me: Will update you when I take action. I no longer want to communicate without action.
XW: Sorry. Explain the last sentence. XW: Communicate without action? XW: No communication unless there's something going on? XW: Is that what you meant?
Me: Yes.
XW: Well that's fine. I have no desire to discuss anything with you other than the children
Me: Ok
XW: Ok well have a great day. I'll be in touch later to speak to the kids
Me: You too
So I pick up the Hyundai today and am told the rental company is charging a fee to ship the rental car back to Michigan. I had to pay the shipping fee. I sent XW the bill so she can pay the amount since she chose not to drive it back.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Thank you. It is funny, in my job, when I problem solve, I break things down into definitive action oriented tasks.
I need to do the same here. Address one task and/or subject at a time.
I have parent teacher conferences this evening for the boys. I know that they are doing OK and that most of the discussion will be around their behavior. Do I update XW on this. She has not asked anything about how they are doing in school. If I do, all she will do is project and blame me as she has in the past when I have mentioned things like this. Which of course this time I will not respond as it will get me nowhere.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
It is up to each parent to get connected and ask the school for information, but as the custodial parent you do have more of a responsibility to keep her informed and help facilitate the distribution of information.
I would let her know the highlights and add the contact information to the teacher(s) in case she would like more details. That way you've done your duty but steered her towards the school for more info.
You can also go above and beyond and supply the school with pre-addressed, stamped envelopes for her so they can mail copies of information.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
