Court date set, still holding on (csabo part 2)

[csabo]

And no, you don't have to point out that he's "not my husband anymore"or whatever, I realize we're getting divorced and he doesn't want to be my husband but it's just easier than saying soon to be ex all the time.

[j20a00g]

Got it! Perhaps my approach isn't helping and is obviously bothering you. I wish you the best. Good luck csabo. Really hope everything works out the way you work towards.

[csabo]

I do appreciate you trying to help and giving feedback. I know on here my situation is not unique, which I why I thought it'd be a safe place to vent those feelings of yes I still love him. I didn't tell H that.

I read the last resort technique. It says stop the chase, get a life, see what happens.

Despite having feelings of wanting to pursue, I didn't take those actions. I don't understand how I'm not implementing the last resort technique. I've been trying to do it since August, if you have ideas on how I could do it better please let me know. I really am trying.

I'm sorry if I sounded snarky with my post about don't tell me he's not my husband, I just wanted to point out that even though I called him that I'm not acting like he is still.

[csabo]

I went out and found a great new friend group to hang out with and talk to. I cleaned the house really well. I threw myself a birthday party. I'm hardly ever home, I'm hanging out with my friends a lot. I've continued going to my book club and ballroom dance lessons. I started working out with one of my friends, which I then had to stop because my doctor says I need to gain weight first.

I don't talk to H about hardly anything, just things like letting him know if I won't be home so he can let my dog out or if he talks to me I'll respond. Yes he said I've been doing well these past few months, but I didn't say anything about look I've made changes, he just noticed and mentioned and I was like oh, thanks.

[csabo]

I might have just ruined everything the night he said he missed me. I wasn't prepared and let my guard down and said I missed him too and we talked about the relationship (he brought it up) but I was probably too eager, I mean I let him sleep with me and then he got mad at himself for "coming back". And then the next week I cried when we got our court date. I tried not to, but he could see right through me and came and hugged me and I couldn't stop.

So... Maybe it was working and I screwed up too much that one stupid night. Which is really frustrating.

[BillyHo]

Don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes. The important thing is it seemed to be working so go back to doing what works. Next time you will be prepared if you find yourself in the same situation. Go back to doing things for yourself because it makes "you" feel good.

[csabo]

I'm really mad right now. Been awake for 3 hours, after 2 hours of sleep. I'm sick of this. He hasn't even talked to me all week. I mean, I guess he sent me a funny video, and he asked if I knew where his license was. But when I said I couldn't find it and he said he found it somewhere weird and I naturally asked oh, where was that he just never responded. I don't care where his license was, but it's rude and weird to just not say anything after that.

So I'm just mad right now. And short of kicking him out of the house, there's nothing I can do about it.

[csabo]

Less crabby now. That was the first time I really got mad at him over this situation. Not that he doesn't have the right to do whatever he feels like doing, it's just...difficult. And I feel so helpless/hopeless.

I'm staying home from d&d tonight. I haven't seen him since last Sunday at d&d and barely talked in that time, I think it would feel really weird. I guess I don't know when I *am* going to see/talk to him again, though...