Job and kml - thank you for your advise. I'll get right on it! Do I send him an email in return to acknowledge that I will deal with it after the holidays ie. ' I do not believe that a divorce is the solution to our marital problem however I love you enough to let you go if that is your choice' or do I just let it be until he contacts me after the holidays?
I agree w/Westo...just leave it be. There's no need to say anything about the issue. Set up an appointment w/a lawyer as soon as possible so that you know what you are legally entitled to. This will help alleviate any anxiety you may have about what to expect, etc. and then keep that info to yourself. Do not discuss it w/your kids, family, friends or your h. This info is yours and only yours to keep close. Once you've gotten the info, sit back and if he truly wants a divorce, he will start the ball rolling. Don't help him w/this...he needs to do the heavy work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Westo and Job once again... I already saw a lawyer a couple of months ago so know what my rights are but the new tax law I'm still trying to gather info on to see what it actually is about. Sounds very strange?? xx
If you are still attempting to gather info about the new tax law, then ring up the lawyer's office and ask them. They should be up on any new laws that affect divorce.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Westo - we do have a property overseas that we have on the market...we can just take it off the market - problem solved! Thanks Sotto and Job for your input...H keeps sending texts and emails despite me having asked him to give me space and only to contact me if absolutely necessary. They are about non-important things such as 'what do the kids want for Christmas'...he has their phone numbers - why not ask them himself but he is still telling S26 that he wants a divorce talk in Jan with me...do I answer politely or tell him to please respect my space? xx
You need to understand that he's pursuing you now. It doesn't matter whether the texts are about important stuff or not....he senses that you are distancing yourself from him and the drama. When you asked him to give you space and only to contact you if absolutely necessary, you didn't realize that you would be sending him n a tailspin, i.e., exactly what the LBS all feel when the MLCers tell them to give them space and time.
Your h never in a million years thought you'd say this to him. He thought you would always be right where he left you pre-crisis and now??? He's realizing that your focus isn't on him and you aren't by the phone or computer waiting for him to contact you. This is a 180 for you and he's desperate to get you back into the drama. Don't do it. Keep to your boundaries and let him stew in his own juices.
If the communications aren't an emergency, I think I'd just leave them be. He has their numbers and he can call them directly. You do not need to be involved in his interactions w/his children. Sit quietly and watch the show. I don't think you owe him any explanation about what the kids want for Christmas...I'm sure his fingers aren't broke and he can punch in the phone numbers and ring them up himself.
Just remember, if you do contact him, you will be giving him attention which equates to ego kibbles and that will draw you right back into the game of distance/pursuer. Stay the course and let him sweat.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
