Coly23 - And this after swinging the 2X4s at me for a one way send of a video of a light switch???? :-P
The key thing is "do what works" and what is best for you.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Coly, ONE coffee invite in 5 weeks about a prom dress is ok.
keep it short, no R talk (duh), see where he's at. In my case, as you know, my H is still very angry at me (which I interpret as the depression). it bubbled out in little ways. Even if we had a nice coffee, somehow it came back to me in a bad way. Be very cautious!
cautious, casual, quick! Good luck!
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
Thanks guys. It's in my lunch hour so I can keep if brief.
I don't know how I feel about it now. He seemed pretty enthusiastic about my suggestion but that could be me just interpreting his text that way. The last time I saw/spoke with him was at the beginning of September so I'm a little nervous.
Andrew - I'm sure it will go back to my now normal darkness after this but I will accept your 2x4 and any others that come my way. Maybe I can build a log cabin with them all and become a hermit so I can just forget about H once and for all!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
The 50/50 is perfect. Your D will glow in that dress and you will both glow seeing her. It would be nice if you could all swell with pride in the same room - little shared experiences like this are a "good thing" to my mind.
In terms of catching up for a coffee. If you both share a nice time. Why is that bad. Suggest, if you do, don't suggest another. Let him. Go dark again as you plan. Popping into his life every now and then so he can see the best version of you is not a bad thing. Just stay detached as much as you can - and most of all happy!
Christmas will be lovely. I think its worry about the unknown. But the unknown can bring a nice surprise too!!
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
No 2X4s from me today. The discussion of the cost of the prom dress needs to be discussed and what better what to do it then over coffee. Keep your discuss on the dress and very mutual topics and no relationship talks no matter what. If he asks a question or your opinion on something, then answer it. If he brings up a discussion about the relationship, say something like this "h, I'll need to think about it for a while, but today, let's keep our focus on the prom dress for our daughter. I'll get back to you on my thoughts about XXX later on". You only have control over you and how you react/respond to him. You have two choices, i.e., to discuss relationship talks or not if he brings it up. I would go for "not". This coffee meet up isn't about that, it's about the dress.
One last thing...keep your expectations very, very low. Try to look at this coffee meet up as a short visit w/a distant cousin or distant friend. Also, put that rubber band on your wrist and snap it if you are tempted to say something that you know may not sit well w/him at this time.
Good luck! Once this meet up is over, go NC for a while. Allow him to come to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Surfer - I really wanted H to be by my side when D goes off to her prom. We've got a few months yet before she has it and I'm hoping that this will still be a possibility. I definitely won't suggest another meet up after this one and I'll go back to being dark again.
I'm glad BD was so far away from Christmas, it means that it won't be so raw so at least I will have half a chance if enjoying it!
Hey Job - as much as I try it's hard not to have any expectations but for me it's mostly negative which I guess is good in this instance! I've got so many things going through my mind at the moment like maybe he agreed so readily because he has wanted to talk to me about collecting the rest of his stuff but didn't know how to do it. Or he is seeing someone and this is the perfect opportunity to tell me! stupid mind reading!!!
Thanks Job for the tips on what to say if he does bring up any R talk. I am 100% certain that he won't talk bout our R (that was the pribkem!) on an emotional level but maybe on a practical level like collecting his stuff etc. In that case should I still say I'll let him know?
Off course I will be sporting the latest in rubber bands on my wrist no worries there!!
Hawker - thanks for popping by. I'm glad I'm meeting H in my lunch hour because it will mean I have an excuse to leave so I won't feel the need to linger!
I've got a very busy day tomorrow so I won't have a lot of time to think about it but all today it has been going around my head like a washing machine. It reminds of what it might feel like to decide to do a sky dive. It seems like a good idea at the time but the nearer it gets to doing the dive the more apparent it becomes that you may not have been entirely in your right mind when making that decision!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Just got back from Coffee with H and had a cry in the office!
It was so lovely to see him. He seemed really happy and we had a really good catch up. I got a kiss on the lips when we met and a kiss and a hug when we left. He even walked me to my car in the pouring rain.
I was impressed with myself. I kept the conversation light and we had a few laughs. Now what?
I'm confused about how we were together, it was like old times. Was I just a friend he was catching up with? IDK.
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Good to hear. Sounds like a good interaction and seems like you handled it well. Sounds similar to the first time I saw WW after 8 months. I felt the same way as you... it was a bit weird. I think it is important to not let this interaction dominate your thinking. That is where the detachment comes in.
Now, I would just go back to what you were doing and observe. Let it stew for a while and see what happens. After the first time I saw WW, things went back to being quiet again for a while (few months) before they picked back up. They only picked back up after I said forget it again.
