It's funny, I feel that since the W and I actually had a somewhat normal convo last night, she felt it necessary to call me and tell me how crazy her sister is and how her sister took advantage of her and manipulated her into doing something for her. It's like the pot calling the kettle black. She is so far into the fog that she cannot see what she is doing to us. Totally BATCHITCRAZY right now...
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
j20a00g...I will have to ask my L about the primary parent thing...our kids are in private school, so not sure how that would work.
I would never talk bad about my wife to the kids...she has always loved my kids more than anything in the world. She is a wonderful mother. Even though she is doing this to me and our family, I love her implicitly. [/b]She has always been my best friend and I don't treat friends or family with disrespect. [b]
She is not thinking in her right mind at the moment, but one of these days, I pray that she comes back to earth and realizes that she already had the family of her dreams. In the mean time I will love my children and be the best dad I can be. God will guide us thru this trial and we will come thru shining on the other side.
Reminds me of the quote from Shawshank Redemption..."Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of [censored] and came out clean on the other side". I just hope that when this is all said and done, I will be clean on the other side.
Ummmmm. If this is how you allow your best friends to treat you I would hate to see your enemies.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I'm about six weeks into this and after about five weeks of trying the MC route and my W acting like a teenager, I decided to go to mediation and move ahead with the divorce. She said she doesn't love me more time than I can count and he's truly out of her mind right now so I need to move on and focus on being the best Dad I can be as well as being a better version of myself.
Since agreeing with my W on the divorce, she's tried to suck me into the friendzone. I told her that maybe somewhere in the future we could have a relationship but right now, she's crazy if she believes that I'm going to help her divorce me or that we're going to be friends. To show you how crazy a MLCer is, last night I was preparing dinner and my wife asked me if she could help. Now understand that she hasn't helped me make dinner once in 15 years. She usually planted her ass on the couch and came in when it was ready (I know, to let that go on is nuts). I accepted her help (mistake) and asked her why now was she helping after NEVER wanting to help. Of course she didn't have a answer. As I sat on the couch with her after dinner, I realized that she was sensing the distance that detachment was causing and she was trying to keep me close. As good as that feels, to feel wanted, I knew I had to get up and leave her alone. She doesn't deserve my friendship as much as I'd like to give it to her.
Am I right to assume that this kind of behavior will occur more frequently as I begin to push her to leave?
Ummmmm. If this is how you allow your best friends to treat you I would hate to see your enemies.
j20, Can you explain what you see that SBJ is "allowing" that he should not be? This has to be something he can control.
SBJ, You definitely should set up some boundaries to protect you and the kids, but there is absolutely no reason why you can’t be friendly with your wife during her crisis. Doing otherwise smacks of trying to “teach her a lesson” and will only make things more painful for everyone. Think of what you want your kids to see, because they are watching... and W will always be their mom.
It sounds to me like even though W wants to move out, she's willing to work with you regarding the details. This may change so use it to your advantage while you can.
You have to try not to react to everything W says or does and start thinking long term here.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Vapo...yes I know...the friendzone stinks. The hardest part is that we've always been friends, but now that is coming to an end. At least as far as I can see. I am either an all or nothing kind of guy with regards to relationships ending. There is no way I could be OK with just being friends and watching her develop another relationship with an OM.
j20a00g...what I was saying is that I will not Badmouth her to my children. I will never tell my kids that the D was my idea, but I will not tell them that she is a bad human being, no matter how much she hurts me. That would only hurt my kids.
msp710...I can't begin to give you advice, because I have and probably am doing it all wrong. I have begun to detach, but it is hard to do. I still care about her too much and I am probably still too curious as to who she is with and where she is. I don't ask her, but my kids to let me know. I hope and pray that you are able to stay strong for your kids.
ForeverYoung...the long-term thinking is difficult. I try to first think about what "I" want to be in 1, 5, 10, + years, but without fail, the thought that she might not be involved creeps in. She is saying that the D papers should be delivered to me (served) this week, and that she is moving out this coming weekend. Talk about a kick in the ba!!$. I am trying to stay strong this week for myself and my kids.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
FY, I respectfully disagree with you completely. There are are two major schools of thought prevailing on these boards, one is saying that one should be a friend to the "wandering spouse" as they are obviously going through a rough patch, and the other that says time for friendship has passed at BD. The vast majority of vets on these boards agree with the latter, me including.
The W left, now she seek me out when she wants unload psychologically?!? Nope, not any more. My W even tried to get me to comfort her when she found out that her affair partner was sleeping with her boss at the same time. I am still dumbfounded how that became to be...
Friendly? Yes, friendly as one would greet a distant neighbor, but not an ounce more.
SBJ, please understand, she WILL try to keep you an a hook for her plan B, so she will occasionally drop bread crumbs, and you will see this as a sign that things are turning around (or just about to turn around), which could not be farther from the truth. Trust me, you will see these signals and in time you will learn to recognize them.
To finish, let me just reiterate. No way in hell am I going to be dumped on by someone that expressed a clear desire to get the hell out my sight. You wanted me gone? Well this is what gone feels like...
Vapo...I agree with you with regards that she wants out and will have to realize that we cannot be friends once she walks out the door. But as I said, I will not tell my kids, who are innocent here, anything negative about their mother. They don't deserve to be dumped on either.
If at some point, she realizes what she lost, then and only then she will have to apologize, repent and change her ways. At this point I am trying to tell myself that that will never happen, so that it will make moving on easier.
As for the bread crumbs, I have seen the roller coaster type of signs so far. Meaning that one minute she will be angry and the next she wants to be friends. Again, at this point I am trying to cope for myself, figure our how to split up 25 years worth of assets, and figure out how to stay strong for my kids.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
SBJ, I have said nothing about wife bashing, and I agree with you 100%.
Do not try to move on, rather focus yourself on moving forward, improve yourself and making yourself the best dad, and person you can be. As I said you are only starting your journey.
