Ummm...I understand your frustration with his behavior and the amount of patience it takes to try to DB an MLC spouse who also has an alcohol problem. But I will echo Rose's concern about driving and working drunk. It sounds like your H is in medicine? This is a big, big boundary for me. When on call he cannot drink. Period. My H (also in medicine) would not even have a beer when on call in his earlier years. However, he has tripped over the dependency line in the past and attempted to make poor decisions. DB or not DB, if he's in a position to hurt others (driving or working) then one must act appropriately. Take the keys, have him call in and tell them he screwed up and drank too much, or report him to others. I know you questioned what the hospital would think about him being drunk, but what if he hit someone with his car or made a mistake at work? I guarantee he would care when he was sober...and so would you.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I've been amazed at the "not me" attitude of my former friends when it came to driving drunk. It really strikes a nerve. I didn't grow up around adults who thought it was ok to get faced on the weekends and then drive home drunk. The adults I grew up around believed you did that when you were young and "invincible" but grew out of it when you had family and responsibilities; people that depended on you. I know times may have changed, but the meaning of the word "responsible" has not. Maybe he needs the consequences to hit him where it hurts before he endangers others. It may lead to him hitting bottom; it may lead to him being forced to seek help. It may lead to you telling yourself to pack it in...who knows? But this isn't actually a question about what is the right way to DB or stay with him. This is more just a question of what is right, period. I personally couldn't let him leave drunk and work drunk knowing that someone else might be affected. Permanently.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Ciluzen, I don't think your posting is harsh by any means.
I agree w/ciluzen's concern on the drinking and driving. If your h is behind the wheel driving drunk, he not only could hurt/kill himself, but he could do the same to others. Also, if he should happen to hurt/kill someone, he is setting himself and you up for lawsuits and this not only applies to driving but working in the OR.
If you can't take the keys from him or he refuses to call a cab and he gets behind the wheel after drinking, call the police and have them pick him up. It's better to be safe then sorry later for not doing so. If his drinking becomes too much, they have a system that can be installed on a vehicle that will not allow him to turn the ignition unless his breath is clean of alcohol. This system would get him off the street when drinking.
In cases of drinking and driving or doing a job that affects others, DB is not the way to go. As ciluzen stated, the responsible thing to do is take the keys, call a cab, you drive him to work, or he calls a friend, but under no circumstances should be he driving or working in the OR in that condition.
Are you attending any al-anon meetings? If you aren't, you need to think about doing so.
