My has told me that there is no way we are not getting a divorce, she has started the paperwork and is looking for an apartment.
I saw her for the first time in two weeks the other day while I was taking care of some legal matters. While I can not get into the details, I will say that someone my wife is very close to, threatened me with severe bodily harm and I had to go to the authorities.
Is this ^^^ the same incident you mention above in another post, or are these two separate incidents? Is there any reason you couldn't have tried to handle this yourself, without going to the police?
When your wife tries to hurt you with the D-word, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. That's not what I want, but I understand that you will do what you feel you must do."
My sense from reading your posts and your description of your interactions with her is that your wife probably perceives you as being WEAK, and that's a turn-off to her. As much as I know you're hurting right now (and I know because I was there too!), it's not a good idea to tell her of your pain. She is NOT a friend to your marriage right now, and not the one you're going to be able to turn to for comfort. It's better to convey an attitude of "Hey, this isn't what I wanted but I realize now I'll be okay no matter what happens." Not only will that help YOU deal with everything, but it has the double benefit of also being ATTRACTIVE to your wife. She may not acknowledge it or even fully see it right now, but she will over time.
Hang in there, and as Cadet said . . . keep posting.
Sorry you are here buddy. FWIW, I think your W is having an A. That's what her actions are telling me. Even though your W read the book, if she is in an A, she absorbed NONE of it. She might as well have been trying to read something in another language. Read the book and follow the advice. You can go dark with her, but that doesn't mean you have to be dark in the rest of your life. Get out there and GAL. Start learning to live a fantastic life without her. Do these things to make yourself a better person. Do these things for YOU. She will eventually see what she is missing.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
Sorry you are here buddy. FWIW, I think your W is having an A. That's what her actions are telling me. Even though your W read the book, if she is in an A, she absorbed NONE of it. She might as well have been trying to read something in another language. Read the book and follow the advice. You can go dark with her, but that doesn't mean you have to be dark in the rest of your life. Get out there and GAL. Start learning to live a fantastic life without her. Do these things to make yourself a better person. Do these things for YOU. She will eventually see what she is missing.
Yeah, I suspected a possible affair or misplaced loyalties at the least.
I am just preparing to move on and get as far way from her as much as I can.
I'm trying to keep communications with her short and to the point.
I came across some of her old writings while cleaning up. She has been angry/unhappy for at least a year, angry on what she has felt she has been missing out on in regards to what her colleagues and friends have, the posh urban apartment life style (Despite our nice suburban home, large yard, and comfortable home).
I'm preparing to fight a messy battle, not for revenge and not to prove something to her. But to try and keep my home, get my "half", and to move on cleanly with my dignity in tact.
She has been making out to be the bad guy and some master manipulator/abuser. I only wanted peace in our home, nothing more.
I received an ultimatum from my wife to either make an agreement pay her off or sale all our possessions/property (including home) by the end of the month so she can have half. She gave me the ultimatum, in between accusing me of being uncooperative, abusive, and argumentative, to be fulfilled within a week or go court.
She has been really ratcheting up the contact lately, sending me emails and text messages almost daily asking to meet. All this behavior is strange coming from a woman that said she never wanted to see or hear from me again when she stormed out of our home. I went from begging, to telling her how much I love her, to just keeping quiet and dealing with the pain myself. For me survival mode has kicked in and a lot of family, friends, and co-workers (who thought we all had a perfect marriage) have rallied around me in support.
Since then my soon to be ex-wife has come to visit at least twice (to pick up little nick knacks and probably spy on the home. For someone who hates me, she keeps trying to reach out and stay in contact.
It took a lot for me to reach out to family, friends, etc. and talk to them about this. I'm a very private person and my wife was really my only confidant. But I realize over for at least the past year, she has been poisoning the well against me. Anytime we had a disagreement, I realize she went off to tell friends, family, and co-workers "her side". Anytime I did not give in to her wants, she sulked-off looking for a sympathetic public ear. My family said she even came to them a few times, but they told me the accusations she made against me were out of my normal character (I did not learn of this until after my soon to be ex abandoned me). After talking to family and friends everyone has come to the conclusion that I'm dealing with an abusive narcissist that has switched all of her ire on me due to her own internal problems.
On a suspicious and speculative note, someone bashed in my mother's front car windshield recently. It happened overnight when my mom, who has been visiting with me off and on since my wife left, left her car parked in front of my house. No other neighbor's cars were damaged and it looked like someone took a bat or crowbar to the window. This could just all be coincidence, but it smells very fishy.
What is the ultimatum? You said she is making you sell everything and give half or what? Maybe I missed it
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
What is the ultimatum? You said she is making you sell everything and give half or what? Maybe I missed it
Pretty much, after she walked out she demanded I come to an agreement to sale everything and give her half or she would go the courts.
In her long rambling communications and meetings with me since walking out she would rant and rave about abuse and finally being strong, free, and getting what she deserves. It was like trying to reason with one of those homeless religious fanatics you see on the street.
I found out later she had been planning this for months, but used a "gas lighting" event to push up her timeline and spring the trap on me. Meanwhile I was in la la land, worrying about trying to save for our next vacation, how to get her a lavish birthday gift, and trying to take care of things around the home.
