Surfer - The Limbo Dancer

[Surfer]

Btw Ginger

I never expect my W to pack. She used to block me from doing that too BTW all these things she was able to do but I was allegedly incapable. All nonsense of course.

No I pack for me and the kids. All I wanted was to have some coats. I would pass them back after. In the same way she me want a certain game for a sleepover. It's not rocket science. It's just beIng decent. We don't need two of everything just because my W went through a phase of wanting two partners - LoL.

Anyway it kind of is what it is. She pushed my buttons and I reacted. Should have kept my composure. All it led to was me being really p!ssed off with her and to what end? I don't need that in my life.

Learn surfer - self inflicted 2x4. Ouch!

Surfer.

[Ginger1]

Yup, you need to be on top of everything regarding yourself and your kids and not rely on your W. Right now, this is your reality. Coparenting is good, coparenting takes practice. But coparenting honestly does not leave room for assumptions. You'll get there. Give it time.

As far as having 2 sets of clothing. Yes, you should have it. Especially if you divorce you want 50/50 custody. Even though we don't have 50/50, my ex has clothes at his house, a winter jacket, and a pair of sneakers, and other shoes. We ensure she has everything she needs at both houses so she is never without in case we can't exchange stuff. If she likes something of hers from my house, she brings it to his and vice versa.

My ex used to be very possessive of the stuff he bought her. Down to the underwear. he would always say "do you have MY underwear?" My D got a complex about getting her "dad's clothes" back to his house, which wasn't always possibly right at the moment. I explained to her that they are HER clothes and don't worry about it. He finally stopped when I threatened to write his name in his underwear so there is no confusion:)

It's a learning process and this all didn't come smoothly for me at all.

You aren't so detached, your emotions do appear to be dictated by hers often, and that leads to a lot of being pissed off. One second you say you fell in love with her all over again, the next she's driving you mad. You are on her roller coaster right now.

My post was in no way meant to question your parenting. I know you take good care of your boys. It's the expectation of roles or assuming someone is going to do something that gets us in trouble. It is very tricky at times like I said. I have lots of experience in this area and I hoped to be able to share what I have learned with you.

[Ginger1]

*his name in HER underwear*

[Surfer]

Ginger

Thank you. I take all the good advice you give as that. All experience welcomed or just opinion.

I hope you are having a lovely day.

Thank you.

Surfer

[Surfer]

Ginger

I have re-read your post. The point about direct communication is good. I think assumption is the font of many a disagreement between us. You said that becuase...you are just being....that sort of thing. It's negative
Self talk and we both do it. You are right if all is going well with us I am happy
If it's not I do get drawn in at times. I am getting more detached though and have hardly though of here all weekend. In the really difficult days I would have been obsessive. Checking for texts etc. I don't even care these days.

S6 was upset and wanted to speak to W last night at bed time. D8 not interested. I fact D8 doesn't want to go home - so I must be doing something right. Anyway S6 FaceTimed her. All great but I explained to both the battery was nearly dead. They spoke I tickled and laughted with S6 he went off to bed happy. W then called and I said thank you for that she said could she speak to S6. I said he was in bed and settled now but thanked her again, I then said unless you want to talk to him for you? You can do if you want.....she slammed the phone down at that point and sent me a text making sound like she was an angel. I just ignored it. It's a bit weird this behaviour and I can never seem to do the right thing so I just don't worry about it anymore (somethimes I get sucked in but quite rarely now). Anyway I guess that is the way of the WS they can play out in teenage mode and you just have to see that.

I have bought quite a lot of clothes recently for the kids. At least they have plenty to wear now.

Not so easy to. It for my D8 as S6 but I'll get there.

Thanks again.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Kids are asleep. S6 still wants to sleep in with me. Taken them on a little fun break to a theme park for a couple of days then to grandparents. Great fun. Drove back 220 miles today took them to the Olympic pool in London for an inflatable assault course - Which we all did. Cooked dinner, open fire, cuddles and a film. Kids phones W at home. No answer. Then mobile. No answer. Facebook update, she is out with wayward friends. The ones that denied the OM. Sad really. I am going to take them out in the countryside tomorrow on their bikes then a meal and drop them at school after doing packed lunches etc.

I am going to move on I think. Time to cut her off. She is getting financial support for a WW lifestyle. Time to stop that.

Surfer.

[Ginger1]

You sound like you are having a wonderful time with the kids. Do yourself a favor and don't think about what your W is doing , about cutting her off, about moving on for another 24 hours.

Just keep that focus on the great time you are having with your kids.

[Surfer]

Thanks ginger. Had another lovely day. Just chilling, playing and making thinks including a present from kids for W 40th.

There was a text tussle over taking them back. They don't need to and she is holding onto 70% custody. It's temp. Nothing though the courts. I want them more. I would pay for more. It's a Perverse system here. The more you have them the less you pay. I would pay my W more Maintenance to have kids more....

Took kids for dinner, got gave them Halloween masks and made the house a bit ' 'scary' then dropped them both. W said thanks for dropping them. I am very drop and run.

W looked a bit shabby in fairness. She was out with wayward friends last night. Had no feelings at all for her when I dropped them. I don't dislike her. I still love her as a person but not as a partner right now.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Thanks to Gingers inspiration I gave it 24 hours. W is has a b!tch of an attitude when we speak. Very clipped and angry. She is really bristling at me - I called her earlier to see if S wanted me (or her) to take him to football (if I am honest I was doing a little bit of temp checking though). Ah well, never mind I hope she improves....

I am now not going to pay any mind - and I am not going to call her until Saturday...(D's birthday party).

[Surfer]

W was absolutely fine this morning when she dropped the kids for the school run. Strange - but no point in mind reading. She asked if I could let her have some protective sheets for D8 B'day. I said no problem.

D8 asked if I would go to watch swimming today - I said I would so I will drop off the sheets then also. I am not going to pre-warn W. I'll just go along I think.

W's fine saga continues. Got another letter for her. She says it nonsense there must be a mistake - I have heard this before....

On a separate note. I have looked at LL fort he first time. I am Quality Time/Physical/Words of Affirmation (fat chance of any of that happening!!) W is Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Gifts. I am going to get in touch as little as possible but when we do talk I guess to focus on words of affirmation/validation might be sensible? Does anyone have any experience in this area?

Surfer.