Yes live your life on your own terms. I know you are hurting scared and confused. It took me,a,while to get it. And I still struggle. But you must be strong and believe it will all turn out ok. Because it will my friend..
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Agreed. Buuut these are the people I have confided in and know everything. May have been a mistake on my part to do that. I hadn't found you guys yet .
The thing is she knows that and I think I reaching out to see what I'm doing because I have been ignoring her texts and only talking about S. I've been trying to be as dark as possible with a kid in the picture.
They know the totally depressed dejected me of about a month ago that would talk to anyone that would listen. Guess it's a difficult situation as my sister is the only thing close to a girlfriend she's ever had.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
Early on in this ordeal I thought I was insane and that my reality was completely off with regards to the things she said. I really sought solace in talking to other people. The problem is she will be using those same people. We don't have anyone in our lives that we were not equally tied to. Like I said we did everything together. We have been a package deal for 16 years.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
Yup. Package deal for 18 here man. I get it. But I've been very reserved on seeking solace in people we are both close with for a couple of reasons...1.) I didn't want them to think differently of her based on how she treats me. They can all form their own opinions of her based on her actions towards them. 2.) I didn't want anyone to hear what's going on and then if she comes back treat her differently or me differently 3.) less people knowing my business the better because there are lots of moving pieces to a relationship and I've found that if you can't trust your spouse, you really can't trust anyone.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
With that being said. Branch out to new people that know nothing of the situation and have common interests. Gym? Painting? Softball? Whatever.
And quit talking to anyone that will listen. its not attractive.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
are there examples or users that were the WAW that came out of the "fog". What finally did it? did they just determine that they were done having their fun?
There have been a few. I've been here a long time and the ones that stand out to me, have been deleted. There was a WW by the user name "love the hub" that was hear last year, I think. She and her H was working on reconciliation, and he had basically become the WAH. That happens frequently in M's with a WW.
I stopped putting a lot of emphasis on the "fog", b/c of the passive LBH'S who thought they would sit and wait, trying to endure her horrific behavior, until her fog lifted. I do not recall a successful outcome for any H who had that mindset. The stories I remember, are those where the H had an attitude similar to Rhett Butler's. You know........."Frankly my dear, I don't give a D---", and he left Scarlett standing in her selfishness, while he built a life without her. I just wish the H's of a WW would not wait until there's nothing left of him that she has not destroyed, before he drops his emotional attachment. When he finally drops his emotional rope he has tied to her........it has a similar effect that Scarlett experienced.
IMHO, the "fog" is to illustrate how her brain is not thinking logically, and you cannot reason with her. She walks around in the cloud/fog of her fantasty, and doesn't see reality. That's why a H looks at his W and wonders what the heck happen to person he M. B/c this woman is a complete stranger!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
With my sitch then sandi what do you recommend. I would say that for the last 2 months I have been sitting and waiting not trying to stir the pot giving her time to think while GALing.
when I have pressed in the past she has citing that she feels I am talking down to her about how she feels. more recently she has been more confident in saying I don't want to be with you.
Me - 35 / W - 33 S - 3 Together - 16 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - late aug 2016 Moved out - same day 2016
The stories I remember, are those where the H had an attitude similar to Rhett Butler's. You know........."Frankly my dear, I don't give a D---", and he left Scarlett standing in her selfishness, while he built a life without her.
I endorse this 100%. It worked for me and I've seen it work for others. I have yet to see the passive approach ever work.
Hey brother, I read a thread last night that shed some light on what "WE" need to do to succeed. I will find it and paste it here for you in just a minute. Trust me I am walking in your shoes right now and it is not where I dreamed I would ever be, but I am trying to take what these awesome people are posting and make sense of something that as someone said is...BATCHITCRAZY!!!
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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