It looks like she was telling the truth when she told me they never had sex.
I found a used condom in the garbage today. It was completely accidental. I just threw something away and it was on top.
She claims she feels bad. She claims she's sorry.
But now, the detachment I had is gone. I'm hurting more than I was when this first started. I have no idea what to do or how to deal with these feelings I have now.
She was or wasn't telling the truth?
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I'm assuming he forgot his contraction and that should've been "wasn't" instead of "was."
That's what I'm thinking too. though, I've seen some pretty crazy lies the last year...
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I had been checking for used ones and finally when I started to believe her, they finally went through with it.
And while this has many possibilities (1 - first time using a condom, 2 - first time sex, but not first time for other stuff, etc.), it's the first concrete evidence that she's cheated on me.
She's been in an emotional affair (with minor physical stuff like kissing, cuddling etc.) for at least 3 weeks. But this is the first actual evidence I've found for a physical affair.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I don't know. I haven't really thought about goals, other than trying to make myself happy.
I can't get it off my mind. I had been thinking "Ok, she's with him for all the wrong reasons, and she's changed completely, but maybe there's still hope. At least they haven't had sex yet". She's a very different person after meeting this guy.
She's 100% wayward. In every regard (I've been spending time reading Sandi2's posts about waywards).
But if I'm honest, with the thought of them being physical, it makes me sick. Unfortunately, I can't think of anything else for some reason.
And I was doing great with my detachment. I was feeling much better, and I was starting to be happy. Now with this morning, I'm so hurt, and it brought back all the feelings of wanting her back. How my brain made that connection, I'll honestly never know.
It's normal to feel and think what you are. My point is, only you can decide if it changes anything on wanting her back. Personally, inwiukd have been shocked (shocked!) if she wasn't physical with him like that. What makes anyone think that a WS who is willing to throw away marriages, futures, families, etc would somehow have morals or boundaries to not bang someone else is a bit confusing to me.
I bet you never thought she would cheat on you right? You ever think she would walk on you or the kids? Act the way she is? Do all the things she's done?
My point is....you aren't dealing with your W as you knew her. I'm not making excuses for her or telling you to accept the behavior. I'm telling you that your goal of "trying to make yourself happy" is so vague and unrealistic. I'm thrilled when I have about a half a bottle of grey goose in me. Should I stay drunk? Start smaller bro. "I'm going to make it to the gym 4 times this week. I'm not going to initiate texts with W at all this week. I am going to buy 2 new shirts or a new bottle of cologne and make a point to go somewhere this week to wear them".
Little steps of focusing on you will help start putting her mess on the back burner.
Just wanting to be happy isn't going to cut it. It doesn't magically happen. You choose that.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
I found a used condom in the garbage today. It was completely accidental. I just threw something away and it was on top.
Im sorry to read this update. Can you share a little bit more on your situation? I thought you were out of the house now? Did you move back in?
I would have advised you to say nothing, but it looks like you already reported it to W.
In any case, Im sorry that you are hurting. Know that this doesnt really change much of anything for your long term plans though. You are each on your own journey forward.
