Hanging on and hoping for the best

[j20a00g]

Your therapist instructed you to GAL. Always good to get the reinforcement.

Something I wish I wouldn't have done before was gonto MC. Tbh, it did more damage (far more damage) than good. In reality, you are putting faith into a counselor who doesn't really know you or the situation. So many therapist are more focused on siding with the one who wants out and woks on how to make a separation more amicable. They aren't truly trained for couples. We did see a foreman therapist which was completely different but at the time we met her, my w was already done.

Just be cautious.

[BillyHo]

I really like this C. If at some point we do decide we are both ready to move onto actual MC I am sure it will be with the C we are seeing now. It didn't hurt that after our first session she told me to read DR ( without letting my W know)

[BillyHo]

Well it's been a week since my last post. Just a quick update. So I have been doing well with the GAL and not focusing so much on W. Went to the gym quite a few times this week and even went to the movies alone 1 night. Been trying to spend time with my boys whenever I get a chance.

Here is the "problem" I am having. I think it is either starting to work or is coinciding with a change in her. She has been different since going on her trip where she said she did a lot of reflecting. Every night she has been reading the boys bedtime stories and tucking them in. She has been keeping up with all the house work. Decorating the house and planned our trick or treat party. The hard part for me is she is interacting with me in our day to day activities almost as if nothing ever happened.

We don't have any ILYs or hugs.(except on Sat night we did end up in bed together and did everything but ML.). She texts me about minor things while I'm at work. She talks to me like we used to when we are together.(no R talk). My question is do I follow her lead or do I keep my distance and follow Sandis rules like I had been?

Just to be clear I am still working on me. Still going to IC, but for a month or 2 she seemed to be down in the dumps whenever she was home. Keeping to herself and not interacting at all. Also finding any excuse not to be home together but none of that since her trip.

[BillyHo]

Anyone?

[doodler]

Here is the "problem" I am having. I think it is either starting to work or is coinciding with a change in her. She has been different since going on her trip where she said she did a lot of reflecting. Every night she has been reading the boys bedtime stories and tucking them in. She has been keeping up with all the house work. Decorating the house and planned our trick or treat party. The hard part for me is she is interacting with me in our day to day activities almost as if nothing ever happened.

BillyHo,

Maybe you've stumped everyone. I know that Sandi says that you have to see true remorse before accepting her back. If she's acting as if nothing ever happened, then my guess is that she's still deep in the fog. (With the caveat that I'm not an expert; get feedback from others.)

[BillyHo]

Don't get me wrong she is still confused as to what she wants. What I am saying is she has definitely had some kind of change. If it's temporary or not I can't say. Beleive me if she is moving towards coming back to me it won't be without doing MC and filling in all the gaps from the past 5 months.

[doodler]

BilyHo,

Give her a good spanking and see how she responds. (Don't tell Sandi that I told you to do that.)

[ForGump]

You may have stopped snooping but you are still trying to read her mind. We all do it. I do.

You sound angry to me. Are you?

[BillyHo]

You sound angry to me. Are you?

Not sure why you say that FG. I don't feel anger toward her at all. Early on, yes there were times that I got angry but that was more out of frustration than anything else. Now I am at a place where I see that this is something that we both need to go through to address issues in ourselves and our M.

On the mind reading, yes I still do it but without the social media and the snooping there is a lot less to read into. I think the biggest thing is that without the snooping and following her on social media my anxiety level is much lower.

[ForGump]

OK, I misread your sentiment. Which is easy to do online. I'm the same way -- my IC asked if I was angry and I just did not feel angry. Frustrated at the situation, but not really angry at the person.

I thought your statement that she would be required to "fill in the gaps from the past 5 months" sounded a little ... angry. Not sure what you mean by fill in the gaps, but if your W does want to work on the marriage, it may not be exactly on your terms, exactly the way you want it, exactly on your time line. Sandi2 talks about how long it takes to feel remorse, and it can be long after the W chooses to return to the marriage.