Morality Clause in D decree???

[CaliGuy]

You will notice the MLCrs will not tolerate people who are not team MLC and begin distancing themselves from those who do not fully support the new vision they now have....Family included. As nuts as this sounds/seems its also something to look at later on in the crisis during the re-connection phase as they will reconnect in reverse order. My MLCr does seem to be slowly but surely reconnecting to the family who too told her she was nuts for doing what she was doing.

[SBJ]

It is just so totally crazy since they have been extremely tight for so long. She has said that she feels that they have been spying on her for some time now...she has changed email passwords, she changed phone bill info so nobody has access to her account, and the crazy just keeps coming. Maybe that is why she did it, or maybe she is deciding to pick up communication with an OM...I'm not really sure. As she has said repeatedly, that there is nobody else, she just wants a D.

I'm trying to get 12-15 miles in this week and lift 3 days...

[SBJ]

CaliGuy...so she started to reconcile the other relationships with family and friends that she had distanced herself from? How long did it take for that to happen? Just curious and how did you find out?

[CaliGuy]

CaliGuy...so she started to reconcile the other relationships with family and friends that she had distanced herself from? How long did it take for that to happen? Just curious and how did you find out?

Here is where you get the fuzzy 2x4 and the not so good news. If you read up on all the homework, the MLC curriculum .... and then you really get into it and start some outside research and study ... for me I needed to do this to understand it, not that it helped I just had a need to really understand what on earth could have flipped the applecart like it did, anyways I digress .... if you learn anything about MLC its this ... it takes time, it will last as long as it does. Look at it as a ship going through an iceburg filled ocean, nothing you can to to rush it and it is possibly the ship will get stuck and frozen in time for periods, maybe forever ... no one really knows nor is it possible to put a time line on it for your specific situation.

With that disclaimer from what I have put together my MLCr started her journey 2011, with a few triggers that preceded that I do not think it really started till 2011, BD was not till 2013. So that's when she started cutting ties with me 2012-2013 .... and within the next 1-3 years started cutting them off with family/friends and to an extent our S. Over the past year or so she has been a better mother and gradually connecting with S and I have noticed some added contact with MIL/FIL and BIL, but I think she still has ties to the MLC friends and OM (But seems not as frequent) so there is more to her journey if she is to emerge out the other side.

[SBJ]

I guess my issue is how fast things have gone from BD to now saying she's filled out the D paperwork. I haven't been served yet, but she warned the other night to be prepared. She's laughing with me one minute and telling me she wants out the next. I'm just so confused and I just fear that she is just DONE.

She is worth fighting for, but she's making it difficult. She is totally hard headed and never admits being wrong. She just isn't....ever!

[Esame]

SBJ those are my fears too. I'm terrified that my H is done, and that even if he comes out of his MLC he will not want to try to rebuild our family. And I'm also afraid that because of how strong minded he can be, he will not want to admit to making a mistake.

I really feel for you. But I don't think there is much you can do about those fears. You cannot change her mind, fix her or show her the truth. As you say all you can do is to try and be The Lighthouse...

[CaliGuy]

Completely understand that .... the thing to remember is her crisis started before BD. In my case it was about 2 years .... like you I just figured there are some issues and its just part of the day to day grind of being married .. the ups and downs .. little did I know her MLC brain was taking over and formulating an exit strategy .... this is why we call it Bomb Drop, its out of nowhere and shocks the LBS into panic mode. Its why we all find sites like these.

Well ... the bomb was dropped by your W, You can not undo this .. it has happened, and she will continue her assault until she has felt she has attained her objective. You now have a support group, a way to get better despite all this. Continue the basics ... Detach, GAL, keep your PMA up and start doing some activities you enjoy .. stick to it .. rinse repeat.

I have told this a few times, for me this stuff was tough, I wanted to die, sleepless nights, the BD diet in full effect ... was horrible. It started with one silly task. I made my bed every morning. Yup ... huge thing right? For me I woke up at 4:30 and went to work W was always in bed.... shortly after BD she moved out and I left an empty bed in ruins. I made that small change, I made that bed. I started the day with a small but in many ways a huge accomplishment. This snowballed into other things that I incorporated into Cali 2.0 as I changed into a better version. I cut out things I did not like about myself .. replaced them with things I admired in others and to this day I continue to grow.

Moral of the story. True pain creates true change. Seize this time and allow it to make you better.

[SBJ]

Having a tough morning...my youngest came to work with me yesterday since he wasn't feeling well and then decided to stay with the MIL today. Kind of worried about him.

My W simply fills her glass all the way to the top day in and day out with volunteering that I don't know how she completes them it. She has done this for a long time. I think that it is her way of filling her time so that she doesn't have to think about reality and or our marriage.

Spoke with her on the phone briefly on the way home yesterday and while hanging up I actually heard her slip and say the ILY line. It was kind of funny since it has been months since that came out of her mouth. It is just one of those rough days.

[SBJ]

2nd BD last night literally right before going to bed. She told me that she found a condo to rent and that she was moving out in a couple of weeks. Saying that we don't hardly talk anymore and things keep getting worse. I don't know what to do.

She says that this isn't new info and that I shouldn't be upset. Let's see...my best friend, my wife, the mother of my kids, the woman I love is leaving me and I shouldn't be upset...unbelievable. I'm kind of in shock. She also said that the D papers are complete,but didn't say when I could see them.

Glad I had a drink last night...that was like NyQuil. Helped me sleep a bit.

I guess I was hoping for some divine intervention before it got too far.

[j20a00g]

Still not too far. Moving out will allow you to give her the space she needs and the space that you need. Worknon detachinf and gal! I can tell you I was upset and scared and lashed out when W moved out in August but, it's actually kinda nice. A little calm and peace where this house was once filled with anger and tension.