I’m beyond exhausted. I’m also afraid that if I start throwing the truth darts, I will not be able to keep my mouth shut and make the smart moves. I need to sort my thoughts out.
Yes, definitely take a break.
Sometimes when we hold things in too long, we tend to blow up when we finally let loose. I found it more productive to try to do or say things as I go, (in tactful ways) instead of letting bad feelings build up.
You're not in the beginning STFU phase here. You have a say in your M.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I think your h is envious of what you've accomplished, i.e., new car and the purchase of a condo. He sees that you are moving forward and are a very independent woman who is getting things done. Right now, he's not going to congratulate on these things because of this.
Your h will respond back to you...be patient.
If you aren't sure about whether you want him to know that the door is jar, then do nothing, but sit quietly for now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Time to update. I think I will be visiting here more often as there will be no GAL for me for a while. Details to follow.
Don’t even know where to pick up from the last post. H never replied to my last text that finished the convo about my condo and me staying at our joint condo. FY, you are so right, no matter what I do or say, H is not doing anything and is not going anywhere, LOL.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
You're not in the beginning STFU phase here. You have a say in your M.
Yes, I need to remember that, FY.
Job, you might be right about H being jealous about all my accomplishment, even though he didn’t seem to be a jealous person in the past. I think it irritates him that I’ve done so well without him. He might feel like a looser, because a lot of people in his surrounding know me (at the vacation home in particular) and probably questioning why he left me.
I went to the vacation home two weeks ago, and stopped at the border city to sing my final paper work for my condo – the trust agreement. So, it is all done now and I don’t have to worry about it, I hope. I didn’t work remotely this time. I told my manager at work that I needed some time off, because I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed and needed to re-charge. I did get some rest. But, also had to deal with some unwanted stuff… My GF met me at the border city and helped me at the motario office when I was singing my paper work. It was really nice. She then rode with me to the vacation home place. The bad part was that her mother tugged along. And then she was kind of a nuisance the entire weekend. She would talk over our conversations, she would talk on the phone while three of us were having dinner and having our conversation, she wanted to be entertained, taken to the beach, etc. And the she wanted to ride back with me when I was living. Thank goodness it didn’t happen. They released that it was inconveniencing everyone, since they would have to bring her over to the condo at the time when I was living, and I didn’t know the exact time when I was living. Anyway, she almost ruined my relaxing time off.
I managed to get a few minutes with my GF without her mother. I asked her a question if they heard anything from H regarding me staying at our joint condo. She said that she did not. That was a big relief. I was a bit nervous after our latest test with H. My GF told me other info though. She said the relationship between H and his crazy friend’s H are a bit strained. I wonder why is that, LOL… I guess even his crazy party friends have some boundaries.
And another thing my GF said that H mentioned is that he thinks that it will take a very crazy, twisted person to like him and all his antics. HAHAHA! (This to justify why he still has not found that person to have “harmonious” relationship with, LOL)
I haven’t heard from H since our last text exchange, until today when I received a mail from him with the joint credit card with my name. This is the card we use for business. I guess they sent new cards.
As for me… My work is crazy busy and stressful to the point that I don’t like it right now. I think all stress finally resulted in me getting sick. I came down with the bad flu, with high fever, body aches, sore throat and also stomach flu at the same time. This was on Sunday. But this is not the worst… On Monday, going downstairs, I overstepped the last step, fell off on the floor and hurt my foot. It swallowed badly next day and could barely walk. My sister took me to an urgent care yesterday and determined that I fractured my foot.
Tomorrow I am going to a specialist and I was told that I would have to wear an ortho boot. This is my right foot, so I will not be able to drive for a while. I cannot step on it and was warned not to, so I would not do more damage before the boot is put on. So, no GAL for me for a while. It is also very difficult to navigate through the house. I never had anything broken before. I’ve always been very independent, so it s@ck a lot not be able to take of myself. I almost felt like crying today. I have family, friends and neighbors who offered their help if needed. I guess I have to learn to ask for help.
I will try to visit other threads, now that I will be home bound for a while and will have more time.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, I'm so sorry to hear about your flu and also your foot - that is unlucky! Do rest up and I hope you are all healed and back to 100 percent soon.
Yes, it sounds as though your H isn't in a great place and not moving anywhere fast - but that's on him I guess. Glad you are all completed on your condo!
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Bright - so sorry about your foot! I assume surgery is not required?
Glad we'll be hearing more from you, though sad it's under these circumstances.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Sotto and HaWho, thanks for the kind words! I feel much better and more optimistic today! My flu is almost gone, I still feel a bit weak, but all other symptoms are gone. I went to see a foot specialist today. They put a boot on me (looks similar to a ski boot, LOL), and I can walk now! Not too fast, but much better than I was able to do without a boot. The doctor also told me that I can drive! I will need to take the boot off to drive and then put it back on again. I will see if I can get a soft boot for driving, so there is more protection.
HaWho, no, surgery is not required at this point. If I keep my foot immobilized, which what the boot should provide, and it heals well, I will not need a surgery. Thank goodness!
Sotto, I will try to get as much rest as possible. One thing that I learnt from this foot incident, is that I need to slow down. I don’t know if H is in a good place or not, but he hasn’t found what he was looking for, that’s for sure. I think he still has a lot of work to do to resolve his issues. And he still trying to avoid any confrontation, which works for me for now. I think I will need to rock the boat at some point to get things moving, but I’m not ready to do it yet, especially right now when I have other things to deal with.
I might not get all that free time I thought I would. My job allows me to work remotely for some time and I got an approval from my manager today. I think they are happy that I can work instead of taking disability leave. I don’t want to take disability leave, as it only pays 60% of my salary, and it would be a big deal right now. I will work remotely for a couple of days next week and then go to the office. There will be a fall festival at work and I don’t want to miss it. So, there is GAL after all!
Have a great weekend everyone!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm sorry to hear about your foot, but you'll need to try to rest it as much as possible and the boot will help you w/putting weight on it. Someone is trying to tell you to slow down and to put your focus back on yourself for a bit. Bright, you've got to take care of yourself.
I'm sure your office was happy to allow you to work from home. You are a good employee and they know that you know the work and can be just as productive at home as in the office. While working at home, try to elevate that foot as much as possible.
Please take care of yourself. Maybe you and Irish can swap some secrets on how to do things while wearing a boot.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bright, I'm so sorry about your foot. I hope you heal quickly.
I agree with Job about your h's envy regarding all you've accomplished on your own. I think the MLCers make these choices that don't turn out to be the greener pastures that they thought they'd be. And they get antsy and even angry when we pick ourselves up and do well in spite of the hand we're dealt.
As for your previous posts about whether to leave the door ajar, close it or do something else, I'd give the same advice as the others about your foot. Slow down. Take your time and decide what is best for YOU. Figure out what path you want to take ... what path is in your best interest. The trick is to push thoughts about how it affects your h aside (as much as you can) and concentrate on you and where you want to go in life. It's okay to still have hope that the M will be saved, but there is absolutely no harm in having a plan B. I think doing that will help you determine when (or if) the door should be closed. That advice came from my IC and it certainly helped me focus.
xoxoxo 2T
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
