I need Help - Wife having an affair and MLC

[soundfx]

Sandi,

Don't know if you read my last post reporting on the results of our first mediation, but yes I have laid down boundaries and the law. I did have to give back the money to the joint checking account but the good news is that I put 4 stipulations on doing that and I think I got a good outcome.

Well last night we told the kids that we are getting divorced. I actually had a really hard time with it and after telling the kids needed to remove myself from our house and took a walk around the block and I did cry. It was probably the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life. My youngest D took it the worst as I suspected and my oldest S was analytical about it and asked some questions (just like dad). My middle child's response was I want to live with mom, however he did go down on the floor and hug the dogs several times during our talk, which tells me he needed comfort. We are closely monitoring our children and making sure they get any questions they need answered, answered.

I was not really surprised that my wife did not have any problems telling the kids. She has been pushing hard for weeks to tell the kids. So I really think telling the kids in her mind was for her benefit. I think she thinks she can have a bit more freedom with her actions now.

This morning I became really disgusted with my wife, to the point where I cannot be around her. She was going to run a race tomorrow morning and I initially told her she could not run it. She used every excuse in the book to guilt me into watching the kids on her weekend to be with them so she could run it. I finally told her she could run it however she needed to take the kids on another date as I have a work event. Now given our new parenting schedule I don't need her help to watch the kids on that day, however I told her she could still run the race if she was back home by 10:15am so I could go to Church. I found out this morning that she was going to run the race and then use it as a cover to hang out with the OM and watch a football game. She was just going to use the excuse with me that she was going to car pool with other people and then she would not be able to get home until noon - 1pm. So today I told her unless you can be home by 10:15am no race. She got mad the then finally said, "Fine I won’t run the race then, even though you agreed to it in mediation." I reminded her that the time constraint was always there and she agreed to that.

I am now starting to see how she is using the kids as pawns just for her own gratification. I cannot believe how she does not think that she needs to give anything up to be with our kids and spend time with them. Another example I saw one of her texts going back and forth with another GF, the GF was talking about some cabi party on one particular weekend and that weekend fell on the weekend my wife had the kids. My wife of course played the victim, blamed me and the kids for her not being able to attend and talked about how I would never help to watch the kids so she could attend. She is right I would not watch the kids for her on her weekend, but the idea that she cannot give up going to these things and her not wanting to be with the kids is just selfish.

I have now flipped the narrative on my WW. Due to me being disgusted and me loosing just about all respect for my WW I am now pushing hard to keep the D train moving down the track. I told her today I want the house listing moved up and I don't care if we don't get as much out of it as we want, I just want to sell and move on. I also told her I need more space and I don't want to be around her; and I really don't. She asked for help several times today with the kids and I told her she needs to deal with it. She was unprepared for the transition from one kid’s activity to another this morning and did not plan (even though I warned her about the transition and the small amount of time to make it possible). I did end up having to bring my D to gymnastics.

When I left the house today she came over and closed the door behind me to talk. She really wanted to know if I wanted to move up the listing of our home. I told her yes, and I need to get away from you, this house, this neighborhood, etc. She was a bit taken back and then asked so you are willing to take less money or break even just to get it sold. I told her yes. Her next question was, are you going to compensate me for the loss we would take with the house. I said no that is not my problem, we get what we get for the house and split it. She then asked about the best interest of the kids, I said now your concerned about the kids, when just this past week during mediation you brought up the fact we could and should list it now. There were a couple more things said but I ended the conversation and said we can deal with this next week in mediation and walked out. I hate to say this, but it felt good to just get away from her.

Bottom line is I have lost all respect for her and now view her as an adulterer, a liar, and a narcissist. I don’t want to be with that person or around that person; it’s too toxic.

[soundfx]

Well my wife treated me nicely this weekend, she was very nice around me and seemed to get in my space. Saturday morning I actually walked out of the bathroom when I was shaving and she came in to get ready. At that point I just did not want to be near her. On Sunday I was getting ready and she came in and I asked her next time to please wait until I am out and ready before she comes in. Even when I asked that she was nice and pleasant and started to help straighten my shirt and said my new sweater looked good on me.

Later on Sunday afternoon I was up in our bedroom (I left the house and was out most of the day) she asked why I was being so mean to her. I told her due to the fact that she is disrespecting me and the kids and I brought up the affair again and told her I know it is happening. We debated the affair for a couple of minutes and she denied it was happening again and I am reading into it to much. I made the comment that I know too much under my breath and she heard me and seemed to pickup on something. We quickly talked about listing the house again and then I ended the conversation.

Well I am still at the point where I don't respect my wife, however I don't know what to do. We have mediation again on Tuesday of this week and we will be getting into Child custody again but this time on a permanent basis.

I will also be seeing my wife and children less as the new temporary schedule starts this week. I will have very limited contact with my wife moving forward. Don't know if that is good or bad.

[soundfx]

Well I backslid a bit last night. My wife used the kids as pawns to get her way and I bailed her out. What happened was I texted her about 5pm and was trying to confirm that it was her night with the kids.

She responded with a text back saying "Whatever. I'm assuming that you don't want to be here. But S does have basketball and it would be nice to have the extra set of hands. Your call."

That of course put me over the top as she was accusing me of not wanting to see the kids. I of course wrapped up at work and headed home. And once I got there I essentially bailed her out as my D had dance and my S had basketball. I ended up making dinner for both of my S's and cleaning up the kitchen. Later in the evening once I analyzed what she did I realized what happened; I bailed her out as she did not prepare for the evening schedule. She needs to do this on her own (that is what she wants) and moving forward once our new schedule kicks in I will have to stick to my guns if she calls for help on her nights.

One step back and later today another mediation session, hopefully 2 steps forward.

[sandi2]

Well my wife treated me nicely this weekend, she was very nice around me and seemed to get in my space. Saturday morning I actually walked out of the bathroom when I was shaving and she came in to get ready. At that point I just did not want to be near her. On Sunday I was getting ready and she came in and I asked her next time to please wait until I am out and ready before she comes in. Even when I asked that she was nice and pleasant and started to help straighten my shirt and said my new sweater looked good on me.

This is a classic case of temp checking. This is the craziness of the WW. She doesn't want to be M to you, and she wants to be free to have OM......but she wants you to be attached to her. She wants to be the one who dumps.....not the one who gets dumped. The more the LBH shows actions of dumping the WW.....the more it draws her to him. We try to tell the newcomer to detach, but he doesn't seem able to do it until he is completely done. Then he wonders why she is drawn to him. If only he had acted that way in the beginning.

The day you told her about wanting away from her and was willing to take a cut price on the house......(remember how she seems taken back?)......she felt you were detaching. The minute she thinks you are detaching from her, she wants reassurance that she still has you in her hip pocket. She will use an assortment of little tricks to test and see where you rate in your emotional attachment. She'll turn on the charm, give little touches, maybe even pursue you sexually. If that doesn't work, then she'll do something else, like turn on the tears and look so pitiful....trying to get you to comfort her.

When the H backslides and steps into her little trap, then she is assured that she is still in control of the relationship, and her interest in him turns cold once again. The only reason she was slightly interested was b/c she felt a threat of your detaching. So, don't think for a second that her being nice and making sure your sweater is fixed....are all innocent. It's just bait.

She responded with a text back saying "Whatever. I'm assuming that you don't want to be here. But S does have basketball and it would be nice to have the extra set of hands. Your call."

That of course put me over the top as she was accusing me of not wanting to see the kids.

No, no, no,....listen, she manipulates you! Can you not see how she did it? You say you know she uses the kids as her pawns, but she gets you to do whatever she wants, b/c she knows how to push your buttons.

Nice-guy H's think they have to do whatever the W says, and even when she's through with him....he still follows that pattern.

She knew which button to push (insinuating you did not want to see your kids).....and you jumped right on it, just like she planned. You took care of S's, cooked dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. And this was all on her night with the kids. She needs to put her big girl panties on. Hey, just ask some older ladies who have been there with kids, they did it without help.....and most of them did not have any "nights off".

Next time, don't snap at her bait. She will have to learn that you are not available on her nights with the kids. (Good time for you to GAL). She will have to figure out something else. Will she say nasty things? I'm sure she will. Do you have to listen to her spew? Absolutely not! Do you need to explain yourself to her? Nope!

You see, too many LBH's get into this explaining mode, trying to keep the WW from blowing her stack and really getting mean to him (likes that would be the end of the world). However, he doesn't have to do it. He stands tall & strong and handles himself like a man, and not like some child having to explain himself to Mommie Dearest.

Don't rescue your WW. She wants to end the M, so let her see how it will look. The more she tries to use the kids to push your buttons, the more you need to show her you really don't care what she thinks. You know you love your kids, and you don't have to do things for her to prove you love your kids. It's that simple. Don't jump when she says frog.

This may look mean to some, but it is tough love. Tough love is what the WW needs, if the H wants his real W back some day.

In order to start having respect for him, she has to see that he will not be manipulated. He will not buckle under her threats or accusations. He is not moved by her temper tantrums or tears. He sees through her and knows how she works.

[msp710]

Sandi,

This is awesome. I'm finally realizing that this is the only thing a WW will understand. Don't be aloof but don't help her. I can see my wife occasionally will ask questions that she doesn't have to ask. Its her way of getting a reaction out of me. I'm at the point where I basically ignore her. Let her see what life is going to be like with any help from me.

there was a spider on the ceiling yesterday. Usually I'd get on a chair and get rid of it. Yesterday I handed her a napkin and walked away. It looked like her head was going to explode.

[sandi2]

Be sure you do not bring up any of what is being said to your W. I nearly fall over when I read some newcomer's post where they tell their W how he's working to become a better man/H. You don't do that with your WW. You don't tell her, "Honey, I am working hard to get your respect". Or, "I am learning how to sound more manly".

Okay, so to pick up again today........let's talk some more about your interactions with her. Whenever she sends a text just making a statement that has little value (and probably her keeping you emotionally attached).....and she's not asking a question....you shouldn't feel that you must reply to every single thing she says. And if it's something you think needs a response, then use as few words as possible to give an answer. Some LBH's get so chatty with the W who doesn't want him! Warning: When she sees you aren't going to play along, then she'll get mad and say, "Oh so now you aren't talking to me anymore?" That's fine, don't respond to that, either. You can tell (I hope) when she's texting just to text, and if it's important. She will find any excuse to get mad. Don't let it bother you.

Remember, the goal is to earn her respect. Some people may not see how any of this would get her respect.....but for a wayward wife, you have to show her that you will not be manipulated, you have no interest in who she has become, she can't seduce you, you won't be her friend, and that you will not tolerate her b.s. When she thinks that she is truly losing you in her life......it can have a powerful affect on her. (You don't tell her what I just said, but you show it in your behavior).

She does not respect a man she can manipulate. When a H has the NGS, it is easy for him to just give in to whatever the W wants, thinking it will make life more peaceful. However, it's creating a monster. She becomes her worst, and some WW's will react in a very nasty way when the H doesn't do exactly as she wants. It's b/c she has lost her respect for him as a man/H. Loss of respect kills her attraction. Deep down, the WW knows she is treating her H wrong, but the more he caters to her....and the more she can run over him, the less she wants him.

Showing manly traits when interacting with your WW can rebuild the respect she needs in order to feel attraction again. It's often referred to as tough love, and I think it's b/c most LBH's simply do not want to go that route.....b/c of fear. The fear of losing the MR & his family holds him back from showing her the kind of man she needs him to be. Fact is, he's already lost her heart, her respect, and attraction.......maybe he's lost her in body/spirit, too. So many guys think that these little temp checks are some kind of sign she's rethinking the situation. It's not!

Understand that when I speak of showing manly traits, I am not referring to lifting weights. I am referring to the inner male strength. You show that strong manliness by standing up to her when she's out of line, and standing up for yourself......without making a lot of explanations to her. You don't take her b.s. You shut it down, or hang up, or walk out and leave her standing in it. But you don't stand around while she's throwing it at you. Know what I mean? Don't run from her (lots of LBH's walk away and think that's being strong.....but you don't want to appear that you are running).

Let's talk about the man's tone of voice. A man's tone of voice is more effective to a woman than you may realize. There are times the H should use his male authoritative tone of voice. Do you know when those times are? Do you know the difference in screaming at her....and how to speak as the one who is in charge of the situation? Do you understand that a man doesn't have to raise his voice at his W, in order to sound as one in authority? Most women are sensitive to men's voices. For sure, he had better have a confident tone of voice, if he's dealing with a wayward W.

As a strong man, you do not want to mock your W's voice. (You know how some men do that, right?) In other words, no matter how frustrated you become, don't repeat what she just said as though you are imitating her. That does nothing good in your favor!

Also, if your tone of voice tends to get a bit screechy or high pitched when you are emotional, frustrated, etc......practice in maintaining your voice in just bit lower tones. Don't get ridiculous, b/c you don't want her to break out in hysterical laughter. This would be what I call overkill.

A man does not have to shout at his W in order to be heard. In fact, speaking in a lower, but authoritative manner, is often more effective. Just your voice can show inner strength. And, that's important when you have a WW who is challenging you every time you turn around.

[TxHubby]

Sandi,

Don't know if you read my last post reporting on the results of our first mediation, but yes I have laid down boundaries and the law. I did have to give back the money to the joint checking account but the good news is that I put 4 stipulations on doing that and I think I got a good outcome.

Well last night we told the kids that we are getting divorced. I actually had a really hard time with it and after telling the kids needed to remove myself from our house and took a walk around the block and I did cry. It was probably the worst thing I have ever had to do in my life. My youngest D took it the worst as I suspected and my oldest S was analytical about it and asked some questions (just like dad). My middle child's response was I want to live with mom, however he did go down on the floor and hug the dogs several times during our talk, which tells me he needed comfort. We are closely monitoring our children and making sure they get any questions they need answered, answered.

I was not really surprised that my wife did not have any problems telling the kids. She has been pushing hard for weeks to tell the kids. So I really think telling the kids in her mind was for her benefit. I think she thinks she can have a bit more freedom with her actions now.

This morning I became really disgusted with my wife, to the point where I cannot be around her. She was going to run a race tomorrow morning and I initially told her she could not run it. She used every excuse in the book to guilt me into watching the kids on her weekend to be with them so she could run it. I finally told her she could run it however she needed to take the kids on another date as I have a work event. Now given our new parenting schedule I don't need her help to watch the kids on that day, however I told her she could still run the race if she was back home by 10:15am so I could go to Church. I found out this morning that she was going to run the race and then use it as a cover to hang out with the OM and watch a football game. She was just going to use the excuse with me that she was going to car pool with other people and then she would not be able to get home until noon - 1pm. So today I told her unless you can be home by 10:15am no race. She got mad the then finally said, "Fine I won’t run the race then, even though you agreed to it in mediation." I reminded her that the time constraint was always there and she agreed to that.

I am now starting to see how she is using the kids as pawns just for her own gratification. I cannot believe how she does not think that she needs to give anything up to be with our kids and spend time with them. Another example I saw one of her texts going back and forth with another GF, the GF was talking about some cabi party on one particular weekend and that weekend fell on the weekend my wife had the kids. My wife of course played the victim, blamed me and the kids for her not being able to attend and talked about how I would never help to watch the kids so she could attend. She is right I would not watch the kids for her on her weekend, but the idea that she cannot give up going to these things and her not wanting to be with the kids is just selfish.

I have now flipped the narrative on my WW. Due to me being disgusted and me loosing just about all respect for my WW I am now pushing hard to keep the D train moving down the track. I told her today I want the house listing moved up and I don't care if we don't get as much out of it as we want, I just want to sell and move on. I also told her I need more space and I don't want to be around her; and I really don't. She asked for help several times today with the kids and I told her she needs to deal with it. She was unprepared for the transition from one kid’s activity to another this morning and did not plan (even though I warned her about the transition and the small amount of time to make it possible). I did end up having to bring my D to gymnastics.

When I left the house today she came over and closed the door behind me to talk. She really wanted to know if I wanted to move up the listing of our home. I told her yes, and I need to get away from you, this house, this neighborhood, etc. She was a bit taken back and then asked so you are willing to take less money or break even just to get it sold. I told her yes. Her next question was, are you going to compensate me for the loss we would take with the house. I said no that is not my problem, we get what we get for the house and split it. She then asked about the best interest of the kids, I said now your concerned about the kids, when just this past week during mediation you brought up the fact we could and should list it now. There were a couple more things said but I ended the conversation and said we can deal with this next week in mediation and walked out. I hate to say this, but it felt good to just get away from her.

Bottom line is I have lost all respect for her and now view her as an adulterer, a liar, and a narcissist. I don’t want to be with that person or around that person; it’s too toxic.

This post here was the best stuff you've done during this whole thing. You did flip the script on her. That works 99.99% of the time. Keep it up. Don't get weak. She'll try to manipulate you. The tears will come soon. Don't fall for it. NONE of this is your fault. She has made this bed all herself.

[sandi2]

Don't take what I am trying to describe, as you turning into a mean, hateful man. Acting cold, is not the definition of detaching. I hope you will really study that page on detaching.

[Surfer]

Sandi

Your advice here is amazing. I have a question. Soundfx, hope you don't mind, this seems relevant to you also.

My W and I are having times when we talk and it is a true pleasure. Albeit I was starting to feel very detached and I think she knew this. I was Basically Saying its time to move on with Mediation etc. I think it rocked her a bit.

From what you are saying to soundfx she may trying to draw me back. My DB Coach recommended doing whatever makes for a good response from my W - i.e these Conversations when instigated by her. Coach is firmly in the camp of not worrying out cake eating or what she may or may not be up to. Just assume she is being decent. Albeit if something isn't working for you say so and decline (whether that's an invite, a conversation etc).

My question is would you suggest handling the good chats when they come from her. Like I am, responding to the point of us both laughing or certainly smiling and even letting her know I enjoyed the conversation (again DB Coach recommendation) or being more clipped, authoritative and firm? Given I want mediation to take place now - to formalise finance and custody arrangements this is tricky.

I would appreciate any thoughts. Soundfx, what's your take on this? Given you are having some similar issues?

Surfer.

[soundfx]

Well it has been four or five days since I have posted to my stitch as I have had a busy week, so here is the update as to what has happened in the last week. Last Tuesday we had another mediation appointment and the topic of discussion was marital assets; think money, retirement accounts, house, etc. I talked to my attorney before we sat in the big conference room and talked about strategy and went over a couple of items. I was able to keep cool, calm, and collected and I continue to think of this as a business negotiation (that is what is getting me through this). My W on the other hand was an emotional wreck. First thing was the mediator scolded my W as she did not get her list of financial assets and accounts to her attorney and all of the info that the mediator used was based off my homework and what I got to my attorney.

First up was the retirement accounts. As we discussed the retirement accounts I mentioned that I was going to make a pre-marital asset claim against my funds (I have about ¾ of the funds in my name as I have held the steady job and also have been saving since 18). Once I mentioned that the tears started to roll down my W’s face. IMO this was the first reality check I think my W has had in a while. Just after we talked about the retirement funds our mediator needed to leave the room to take a scheduled call. During that time, my W was looking at her computer, tears streaming down her face crying and I was yucking it up with my attorney and her attorney. I am in IT and have worked in the law field of IT, so we were discussing that and several attorneys and judges I know. We were laughing and talking and it was a very good discussion.

Once the mediator returned we got back to work. We then went on to house and discussed what to do with that. I told my W last weekend that I wanted to list it ASAP and get it sold as I did not want to be around her and wanted to move on (which I still want to do). However, I talked to a good friend in Real Estate and he talked me off the ledge with dumping my house and breaking even or taking a loss. I told the mediator this during mediation and was fine doing our punch list and listing in the spring. My W then pulled out that she wants to move close to her brother and SIL, which is an hour and fifteen minutes away from our current house. The reason is due to lower cost for housing and living. She also mentioned that her SIL would be able to watch the kids before and after school saving money and allowing my W to get a full time job. My attorney interjected and objected on my behalf. She then mentioned that her keeping the house was on the table, however she needs to buy down the mortgage and refinance. Bottom line is that I don’t think she can afford it and really don’t want her to stay in that neighborhood due to the fact she is having the A with a neighbor.

We then talked about my business and she wanting it to be valued and also a salary study done on me as she thinks that I use the company to fund some secret lifestyle. She is convinced that I live large and then don’t bring home the bacon. Problem is that I have a business partner and I cannot do this as we need to get permission from each other to spend any money. We also then discussed her business, which she walked away from about 4 or 5 days before she did the BD on me. The mediator again tore into her about her not being prepared with the proper information and also for walking away from the businesses and taking a large loss. The good news is that the loss will show up as a positive on my side of the marital asset sheet and the mediator reminded my wife of this.

We finally ended up on the revolving credit accounts and debt and this is where it got very interesting. After we went over all of the credit cards the mediator asked if there were any other accounts. My W then mentioned my PayPal account. I then went on a lengthy explanation of PayPal for the mediator and Attorneys. I move a lot of money via PayPal due to buying and selling items on eBay; mostly buying, and mostly for business. When I do sell items I take generally take the money out in cash and put it in a cash box and have done this for 17+ years. I have kept cash for emergencies, fun money, and a vacation fund. Once the explanation was done on what PayPal is, the mediator asked how much was in the account. I pulled the app on my phone and showed her there was $0. She recorded that. She then asked about the cash box and how much money was in that box. I told her $0. My W then interjected and started to say something when both her attorney and the mediator told her to shut up. She asked how money gets to that cash box. I explained that I take money out in cash from PayPal, or I get a sales SPIFF, or I sell something in person and get cash and it all goes into the box. My wife then started to cry. The mediator then tells how she keeps a cash box at home and my attorney added by saying he does to. My wife then interjects and asked about my new clothing I purchased and started telling the room where I went shopping and how much she thinks I spend and accused me of not funding the kid’s activities due to me buying new clothing. I started to give an explanation and then the mediator interrupts and asks how much I spent, I refused to answer the question and my attorney stepped in and said this is not a deposition and my client just lost about 40 lbs and is an executive of a company, he has every right to buy new clothing and look the part of an executive. The conversation was then shut down and my wife started to cry harder. The mediator then asked again about the cash box and how much money was last in the box, I told her I did not know as I don’t keep very good track and we also had a thief in our office and some money was stolen. She said how did you spend the last amount of money. I told her that I thought I had about between $xxxx and $yyyy and I used the cash to pay for therapy, fun with the kids, some of my new clothing, and misc items. She then asked how much money I have had in the box in the past. I then went on an explanation of how I used the money in the past to fund vacations for my kids and wife listing each vacation I funded via the cash box. Each time my wife shook her head no denying that I ever paid for the vacations. I also gave other examples of how I used money from the box to pay for items such as kids activities and other misc. items that came up. Again each time my wife shook her head no and said no such thing happened. I finally asked do you remember the $250 I gave you to pay for our kid’s activities 2 weeks ago, and she denied that I ever gave her cash. She just said that she never knew about the cash and how much was there. Again not true as I have told her about it many times.

Well we ended mediation on the note of my W shedding some more tears about the new temp custody schedule and her asking about what it would take to adjust it. The mediator said yes you can adjust it and that requires all of us getting together in this room and talking about it, however I will not allow a discussion about this until at least a month has gone by and we see how the schedule you agreed upon works.

Well enough about mediation. We have now been on the new temp custody schedule for 1 week now and everything is going great for me. I have implemented some new rules and expectations for my kids and I am happy to say that things are going very well. They are responding to the new rules and structure. I have to say that I think my kids are finding a new appreciation for dad and I will also add that it is so much nicer to have kids that listen and follow rules and a schedule. The other interesting thing about the new temp custody schedule is when I have the kids my W has been trying to contact me. She constantly texts or calls asking if I need anything or any help. A lot of the times I ignore them or text back one word answers; like NO. Today was no exception, she asked if she could come and take the dogs for a walk. I said thanks for the offer but no. She also wanted to stop by and drop off some medicine for the dog and wanted to say hi to the kids. I said no and please put the medicine in our mailbox and I will get it.

Finally, I have been GAL. I have continued to lose weight and am down 37 lbs. I am now at my High School graduation weight. I have been working out every other day at a minimum and have signed up for boxing classes and start next week. But the most exciting thing is I am getting noticed by people. For an example I was having lunch with a vendor a couple of days ago, I arrived a bit early and was seated. The waitress came up to ask if I wanted something to drink and commented on how I looked. I also had lunch with another vendor on Thursday this past week and she immediately asked if I lost weight and commented on how good I looked. Later in the conversation she said “You are beaming, I have not seen you this happy ever. You are just sending out really good vibes.” However, the biggest confidence booster was Wed when I went out after work with some co-workers to get a drink. At the bar I noticed an old friend that I have not seen in about 2 years. I went up to greet her and gave her a hug. We talked for a while and she introduced me to several of the people she was with. Bottom line is I got hit on by 2 very attractive women, so much so that my co-workers all left and as they did one gave me a hug and said, Adam I hope you realize that you are getting hit on big time, I said yes I know and it’s great.

I am not looking to date now but I cannot tell you how much it helps and builds confidence right now to have this stuff happen. People are seeing a change in me and I am happy, very happy.