Guys, apprecaite the feedback, what I was trying to get across is that I accept my situation being in the house on my own, but I can't see when she will have time to reflect on the situation. I cant see when she will have the time to miss me and the family as she has reverted to her own childhood family.
I get that my thoughts are still on her and that she's gone and should only come back when (and if) she really wants to, but I cant see how she will have time to reflect.
Maybe its not my concern, but I just wish that I could escape from my own mind!!!
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
I know that I am very lucky with the 50/50 custody that I am having with my Son (I know that there are many Dads who have to fight to see their children)...
... However, Its so heartbreaking when my 3.5 year old says "I wish you and Mommy still lived together". I must have told him a million times that I love him in the last 5 weeks, and he always tells me back; but what a blow to the heart this is.
On the days that I have him, we spend so much time doing activities (painting, swimming, cooking, gardening, going to the park etc). I have remained positive to him about his Mother and the situation, but I wondered what kind of experience any other Dads have had in the first few months.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
I'm working through the books at the moment, but I've seen the term "The Fog" mentioned a number of times.
Could someone please provide a good definition of this term for me please?...
My definition would be that it is an affair fog, or depression fog. Fog itself rolls in on land and it is possible to wander around with out a clear view of where you are headed or what is around you. The same could be said for our spouses.
Here is something I just googled
Quote:
An affair fog is nothing more than a fantasy created by the affair partners. All the wonderful qualities each partner possess are without flaws, weaknesses or selfishness.
Here is another one
Quote:
Brain fog can be defined as "a state of mental confusion, detachment, and forgetfulness," according to Dictionary.com. ... Indeed, forgetfulness (memory loss) is a common cognitive deficit found in depression and confusion and detachment can be felt as a part of depression as well.
Hopefully that helps.
I have merged your post into your thread as it is best to stay on one thread until it reaches 100 posts. Then start a new one.
I know that I am very lucky with the 50/50 custody that I am having with my Son (I know that there are many Dads who have to fight to see their children)...
... However, Its so heartbreaking when my 3.5 year old says "I wish you and Mommy still lived together". I must have told him a million times that I love him in the last 5 weeks, and he always tells me back; but what a blow to the heart this is.
On the days that I have him, we spend so much time doing activities (painting, swimming, cooking, gardening, going to the park etc). I have remained positive to him about his Mother and the situation, but I wondered what kind of experience any other Dads have had in the first few months.
Glad you continue to be the best dad that you can be.
It is heart wrenching to hear your kids talk this way.
I wish I had some sort of magic button to FIX it all but I don't.
Please keep posting on this thread until 100 posts.
It doesnt matter what I do, each night mt dreams revolve around the W and the life that I've lost.
I try every single day to concentrate on me and what I can control, but it's always there! The wonderment of what she is thinking - what is it she wants (does she even know). Is there a way back, is anything that I'm doing making a difference?...
I know that concentrating on her and her thoughts are damaging to me, but how the hell do you stop this.
I know that I'm making progress as when I look back I can see that I've come quite far, but every day I have to drag myself through the day only to have do the exact same thing the following day.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
It takes time to stop obsessing, and probably more importantly, having a replacement obsession can help immensely. Home improvement projects did the trick for me, but I stumbled into it, I didn't do any planning. I noticed that one of the vinyl shutters on my house needed to be replaced. My next thought was, "I hate the crappy, fake looking vinyl shutters." Then, the thought after that was, "I can make some wood shutters." And that's what I did.
In hindsight, my home improvement projects kept me sane. As I went along, I took bigger risks, both from a construction perspective as well as from an artistic perspective. Those projects became all-consuming mentally and physically. As bad as things were, it was also really good; I had tons of fun with the projects and the house looks fantastic. I was still a good dad, but during those times when the boys were away, I had something to occupy my time and my thoughts.
You need to find something other than your marriage that can consume your thoughts and your time. Just get out and start doing things; you'll find something that you'll enjoy.
Yeah I guess it does. I assume I'm still in the infancy of separation... 5 Weeks of this feels like a lifetime of pain and trying to second guess everything makes everything worse (even when I know that second guessing is a dangerous thing to be doing)!!!
How far along are you Doodler? It seems that there are a lot of guys on here that are well weathered in this situation, I guess each person has to make their own journey and figure their own route.
I've seen bitterness encroach in my own Sister when dealing with her divorce and am desperate not to go down the same route.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
