ForeverYoung, just started reading your old posts and you are an inspiration. I see a lot of my own thinking in your early posts and if you have come this far, then I feel I am on the right track. What I like most is the fact that you seem to have felt compassion for your wife from the outset and were convinced the way forward was to make a better life together, not just rescue what you had.
I've just finished reading all your threads FY. There were two others who posted in your threads that really caught my eye and I plan to read their threads next. You are a success story. Maybe you haven't gotten what you sought out to get from the beginning but you seem to have grown to accept the new W and that is important. Here's the things that I thought that you really offered your wife that look to me as really smart:
Compassion
Unconditional Love
Patience
No judgment
Appreciation
Respectful
Commitment
These are the traits you expressed when you talked about your wife, and I am certain that you also demonstrated them to her. This is probably the reason you are still together.
No anger, despair, frustration, criticism, which unfortunately I see a lot of on these boards. It was never "What she is doing to me" but rather "What she is going through." You always put her first even though it is clear you have your own needs.
I just have to say you are my new role model. Thank you.
happy for you FY... you are an inspiration. my heart always gives a little extra beat when I read your sig, "she's still worth it" xoxoxo many blessings
Thank you for your kind words, bttrfly. What a sweet name. Kisses and hugs back at ya!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Throughout your struggle even at the worst moments, your sense of humour was awesome. I may not have made it through all those threads without that!!! I smiled, smirked and sometimes laughed at your posts. You inspire me to want to be as good humoured. It undoubtedly helped you.
I sometimes wondered if I'd make it through all those threads too! It helps a bunch when we can laugh at this stuff. Impossible to do at first, but as time goes on you'll find ways.
Quote:
I have many questions but I will start with ONE. Only answer if you want to. Can you describe fully exactly where ye are at now?
Where am I at now? hmmmm…. To be honest, it's been a while since I've thought about it. I just try to enjoy each day and do the things I like. Be true to myself yet be present for my wife. (more than I was in the past) Realize my mistakes and shortcomings and try to be a better man, husband and friend. Work harder at seeing things from the perspective of others.
Worrying about my marriage is a thing of the past. I don’t think about leaving my wife or her leaving me. I doubt she does either. I firmly believe my wife and I are both fully committed to the marriage. We have each other’s back in so many ways. It's nice.
Our physical relationship has improved, and I expect this will continue.
I try not to hold things in, (that only hurts relationships in the long run) but I also won’t be uncaring or reckless about letting my feelings and desires known. You've probably seen some of my comments regarding STFU. I believe it has its place and time, and it's not always.
I try to look for the positives and focus on them.
Find ways to accept and be happy with “What is”, and move forward from there. Dream of what “could be” and set course for it. Don’t allow myself to be sidetracked by others.
A successful marriage can’t be a score card (I’m giving more than him/her!) or tit for tat. Often times the best way to receive is to give. There may be times when one partner is doing most of the work. This is ok. Michele has a section in her book where she explains it only takes one to tango. Maybe sign up for dance lessons!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thank you for your kind words 2Lady. It's always nice to meet someone new.
Originally Posted By: 2Lady
What I like most is the fact that you seem to have felt compassion for your wife from the outset
How could I not feel compassion for my wife? I was completely aware of her childhood, and I hurt her on top of that. She deserves the best I have to give, for as long as she will accept it.
Originally Posted By: 2Lady
I've just finished reading all your threads FY. There were two others who posted in your threads that really caught my eye and I plan to read their threads next. You are a success story. Maybe you haven't gotten what you sought out to get from the beginning but you seem to have grown to accept the new W and that is important.
The "new wife" is still under construction. Just like the rest of us are. Those going through crisis have it much tougher than those of us who are not, so the process usually takes longer. (darn it all!) I trust progress will continue to be made.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, you have lots of new admirers, LOL. And I agree, you are an inspiration to many folks here. BTW, I’m curious if your signature reflects the actual time since the crisis started, 4.5 years ago?.. I’m past 4 years since BD, but I think his crisis started about a couple of years before that.
And, as always, thanks for stopping by at my thread.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Well I started reading both of them but when I got to something about the past of one them I decided I just could not respect that person and stopped reading so I won't name that one, but the one that I have been finding inspiring is FastCars. There's another one I have been reading today, Albuquerque, who is pretty good too.
Hey Bright! This December will be 5 years since my wife's Mom died, and she started questioning everything. 3 months later, I got the bomb. There's a thread here somewhere discussing if there was some kind of trigger for your spouses crises... maybe started by Wonka? (Are you still out there, girl friend? ) Very interestingly, there were plenty of common themes. Maybe someone smarter than me can find it and link it here.
Linda, thanks for yankin' me back in here, it's been kinda fun! Hugs and kisses...
Oh, and I almost forgot... one of my obligatory corny love songs...
