Hey, all! I'm getting better. Concussions heal when they heal. I have had to limit computer time and I get drowsy pretty easily in the afternoon, still. But I'm on the mend.
Updates so far:
1) I have a new partner at work (another behaviorist). We'll see how this works out...not sure about her. She's a little coarse and pushy. I can deal with anything at this point, however.
2) I have two places to show my art as a featured artist for January and February and a possible gallery spot after that. Just need to remove a few paintings from H's office. Exposure!
3) All of my master's program application materials have been submitted and I am officially halfway through my last pre-requisite class now. Crossing my fingers that I get called for an interview in January.
4) H was pretty good about calling or texting to keep me informed during his mother's ordeal, whether due to my D telling him to or not. He flew home the evening after MIL was found and went to work the next day. They live in an area of farmland and orchards and some field workers (looking for her while working) found her asleep in a pile of leaves; could only see her legs. They were able to get the search and rescue helicopter to land nearby and she walked to the 'copter! She was angry that people were on "her" property, though (she was 5 miles away). She was horribly dehydrated, but after getting rehydrated and getting electrolytes to certain levels, she was allowed to go home. Pretty much a miracle. She woke up the next morning in her own house and had coffee with her sons and husband as if it was an ordinary day (when boys were in high school). She has no idea she was even gone.
H called last Saturday to talk about our youngest D briefly, but ended up talking about his experience with the MIL search, FIL, and stuff for an hour.
He then texted this Friday to locate a snowboard someone wanted to borrow and asked me to "search my apartment" (I don't snowboard, its my D24's, and my apartment isnt that big). He also reminded me that he was heading back down to inlaws for a previously scheduled family meeting about the FIL/MIL situation and legal issues surrounding this. He wanted to know if I needed him to bring anything to or from my mom, who lives 15 minutes from his parents. We texted back and forth and he eventually called me to talk. Again, I just let him talk while I listened...light and easy, joking around like old times. At one point, though, in speaking about his father, he built up to where he just was screaming; anger coming out in full force, mask off completely. I just let him go until it tapered off. He recovered almost completely. Almost. Our convo ended not too much later than that, but his voice was still a bit quavery, like he was near tears.
I spoke with D26 today and mentioned this. She mentioned that he's been very nostalgic lately (wanting to relive ski trips and such) and spending time trying to find a place to hang like "Cheers", where he can show up and people would greet him by name. He's been visting sports bars and has found one he likes up by the vacation home. He refers to it as his house, now...not "the river house" as before. This makes sense as I am no longer part of it and he only has the apartment in town. She also says he seems happy, doing what I'm doing...getting to know what he likes and what he is interested in. This is in contrast to what one of the office ladies told me; that he was very depressed and lonely in the evenings. D26 also says he spends more time with a family I used to enjoy hanging with and less with Bubbbles and her family. Funny; they were the only family from the old social group to text me a Thanksgiving greeting this year.
Anyway, he is on his journey and I continue on mine. So much fun studying psychology while going through this! I do know he will make an appearance on Christmas at D26's house for dinner. I'll look good and behave nicely (why wouldn't I?) I'm fairly happy with things right now. I believe in January I will be trying to get pre-approved for a loan and start house hunting. Wish me luck on both of those. It will be small and old...project time! I think I need to contact Doodler from the "surviving the big D" board. That's his forte.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
You sound really good Cil, and I'm pleased for you...so much progress in so many areas of your life. Thrilled to hear about your art success and it sounds as though your studies are going well too.
I'm so glad to hear that MIL is doing well. Truly, I think that was a miracle and she is blessed to be home and among family again. It does sound as though perhaps the living arrangements may need reviewing to ensure everyone is safe and coping well.
Interesting chat by phone with your XH. He doesn't sound to be in a great place and I'm sorry that this is the case. In terms of the differing stories, he may just be wearing a mask with some people and not so much with others? Perhaps not wanting to concern your D's, but less worried with other people? You do well to listen and be present during these conversations. And also, I think you don't let them affect you too much - just maintain that awareness, reflect on them and then move forwards.
Good for you Cil, I'm pleased to read how well you are doing xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Love, I'd hoped you were limiting computer time in order to heal from that concussion.
I agree with Sotto about the phone chat. Don't believe the facade he shows daughter. Sotto's advice is sound as usual. You are both on separate journeys but that doesn't mean they aren't somewhat parallel in a way. There's that hopeless romantic speaking. I'm glad he's having less to do with Bubbles and her crew.
Good luck with the grad school app, the new working partner and of course with the pre-approval. I've got to contact a lawyer this week about moving forward with building on the land my parents have. Town requires an opinion letter to determine if I'm grandfathered on some zoning changes they made a few years back. I too will be going the pre approval route next year some time.
Do join me for a scrabble and tea party ... I'm hoping Doodler will co-host with me. I have a float for Doodler's pool - you're welcome to it if you want to float while we swim. xoxoxoxo much love and hugs to you.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Congratulations on the gallery space! Brilliant news!
And bets of luck for the masters application. You can do it
Are you feeling better after the concussion?
Oh and regarding feeling that you can "deal with anything at that point", I totally agree with you! I'm working with students with behaviour issues too, and get verbal abuse A LOT. It somehow doesn't affect me at all. It's like they are swearing at someone else, not me... It seems that we have developed a think skin, doesn't it?
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Hi ciluzen, Hope you're not experiencing any residual distress from the concussion. What a challenging work environment you have!
Your post sounds good. I hope you get some interviews for the masters programs soon! So cool that you are at that point. Yeah! Awesome news about the art shows and gallery!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
