I just feel him moving further and further away. Which is what I guess they should do. How do you survive each day? I am trying to find hobbies, I see an IC, and I'm part of a support group.
BUT the truth is -- I never imagined I would be here .. without him .. and he would tell me he was happy. I thought we would grow old and I thought the fun times were on their way since our D was getting older. I guess I live in a fantasy world.
Me: 42 Him: 45 Daughter: 13 ____________________________________ Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years BD: 8/15/16 Moved out: 8/26/16
Amy you are being to hard on yourself. Give yourself some slack. My ex said the same thing. He is so happy. Their happiness is very short lived. It is their way of blaming us for their issues and not face them. You get through a minute at a time..it grows to five ..etc..it gets easier.
I just feel him moving further and further away. Which is what I guess they should do. How do you survive each day? I am trying to find hobbies, I see an IC, and I'm part of a support group.
BUT the truth is -- I never imagined I would be here .. without him .. and he would tell me he was happy. I thought we would grow old and I thought the fun times were on their way since our D was getting older. I guess I live in a fantasy world.
They do move further away which is why we have to detach. Its not out of anger nor spite its just simply is loving them enough to let them walk down that steep trail alone. While they are on that trail we should probably check things out, follow the main trail and see what kind of beauty is there, they may catch up ... they may not
You make it through one day at a time, days become weeks, weeks months and with MLC yes ... years do happen. I look back at FB when it posts that "3/4/5 years ago you posted _____" and I stare in shock, was a different life back then, I was a totally different person and TBH, I would not trade it. I labeled it Cali 2.0 and he is much much better than the original.
You will get there, you have a really good chance to work on yourself .... do watch how much of 'this' you submerge yourself in .. it can help but taking a walk or a run does WONDERS trust me.
I just feel him moving further and further away. Which is what I guess they should do. How do you survive each day?
AmyTx - I echo the answer from CaliGuy at least in part.
I just try to take it one day at a time. I literally some mornings when I wake up try to decide if today is the day that I'll give up. Today wasn't and tomorrow probably isn't either. CaliGuy talks about years which I find just plain depressing so I don't look out that far. I look out one day at a time. I am getting a bit stronger and can now look out a number of weeks and for some things months into the future but still it comes down to one day at a time.
There is no timeline or deadline to these things either. It began before he left and may well still be going when he comes back - that's only part of the journey they are on. Ideally they complete the journey on their own though from what I've read. You'll need to be the best you can be and be strong for when he returns.
One thing I discovered recently that I don't know if you saw on my last thread or not thanks to a reference by SH_ is something called the Stockdale Paradox. To me what it means is that I can tell myself that I'll make it through this, I don't know how and I don't know when but I'll make it through and be a stronger and better person coming out the other side. The paradox part is that it's the optimists who put dates and expectations and timelines who don't make it. Multiple disappointments drive their spirits down and they give up. So be a bit of a pessimist and optimistically know that you'll get through this a better person and that if you are patient and your H completes he journey and looks up he'll see you there as a shining beacon welcoming him home.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thanks for the advice CaliGuy and Andrew. I am normally an optimist, but for some reason I have lost by hope.
The last few days have been rough -- but today is a little better. I do have to go see my H today to pick up our puppies. He was watching them while my D and I went to NM for the balloon festival. I will be as beautiful as I can be after a long day at work and I will be pleasant. He was suppose to bring them to me when he had a loaner -- but he got his corvette out of the shop early. So sad that the car is only a 2 seater. 1 puppy is around 40 pounds and the other is almost a 100.
I also went to the oncologist today -- an no more 6 month checks ups. I am officially moved to yearly check ups. Yay -- so excited!
Me: 42 Him: 45 Daughter: 13 ____________________________________ Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years BD: 8/15/16 Moved out: 8/26/16
Congratulations on no more 6 month checkups! That's great news.
So, how did you enjoy the balloon festival? I love NM and the festival! Been there twice and it's always fun.
What type of puppies do you have that weigh 40 and almost 100 pounds?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes .. it was my first festival and last weekend had perfect weather. We did a glow and it was amazing!!! Alburquerque was beautiful!!
We have a lab rescue mix and a catahoula cur. I get them both for the next two months and then my H will take the catahoula. The catahoula was my H's originally but he became my puppy bc I had to bottle feed. so I will miss him.
The catahoula is 2 and weighs close to 100. The lab mix is really no longer a puppy, but is to me. She is 3.
Me: 42 Him: 45 Daughter: 13 ____________________________________ Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years BD: 8/15/16 Moved out: 8/26/16
Okay .. So this is just a frustrated post and a way to get my feelings out.
My H and I have always lived in the 'burbs of a large city. It was both our choice because he hated being in town. Now he has moved into the 'city' and has a rent free furnished condo until January. Tonight was the first night for me to go to the condo .. But my D has stayed a few times.
The condo is really nice .. And he now he has his corvette .. And living in town. My friends tell me he is constantly flirting on FB with anything with breasts ...
How can I .. His 42 year old wife who lives out in the 'burbs every compare with that. He has got everything .. Until he has to make that first month rent. Between child support, his rent, and his vette .. He will have no money left. Champagne dreams on a kook aid budget.
Do any of these men ever come back .. Or do they just stay with their dream?
Me: 42 Him: 45 Daughter: 13 ____________________________________ Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years BD: 8/15/16 Moved out: 8/26/16
Okay .. New day and new insight. I need to make a plan to really start healing and recovering.
The last 2 months have gone by in a blur and I have not really been living, but just barely holding on. Time to really figure out what I WANT. I love my H dearly -- but I cannot continue to focus on his journey. I know several of you have already told me this -- but just like my H -- I had to figure it our myself.
I need to be stronger, I need to love myself again, and I need to find what I can do to make myself happy. My D is watching me and I need to be an example for her. Wish me luck as I begin trying to navigate being a single mom while my H plays in La La Land ....
Me: 42 Him: 45 Daughter: 13 ____________________________________ Married 16 Years, Together 17 Years BD: 8/15/16 Moved out: 8/26/16
