SoEffingLost---Please help 3

[lostasf]

Link to previous thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2705917&page=1

And it continues.... Thanks so far for everyone who has contributed. It has been really great having you all to communicate with and I look forward to continuing...

[doodler]

I agree Sandi. I am just confused as to what to do. Legally Separating finances is definitely the best thing for me financially, as right now she would be amicable and not go after my retirement accounts or the house equity. However, it seems as though she (and some here) have given me mixed feelings on this.

lostasf,

Feelings can change dramatically during the separation and divorce process. Don't count on anything being amicable. Make sure you take care of yourself financially and get everything you can; if you don't she will.

[lostasf]

Sandi,
Can you please give me some guidance as to how I should handle that discussion regarding the splitting of finances? I mean we would have to go to a lawyer to legally separate the finances. We are supposed to discuss this tonight because she wants to put in an application in on an apartment tomorrow.

[Ginger1]

The only way I imagine other people had huge success with exposing the affair is because they came back because of guilt and to try to save their reps.

Is that why you want her to come back? Out of guilt and so she could save face?

[lostasf]

Of course not. I want to break her out of the fog though.

[lostasf]

Help! The financial conversation is going to happen soon! Give me your tips/opinions.

I was thinking something like "You already know that I do not agree with the idea of marital separation. Also, you obviously haven't ended your affair with OM and appear to have no intention to do so even after the issue with me finding you at his house and you admitting you have feelings for him. I think it is in both of our best interests if we separate our finances as I don't want to support a marital separation or the continuance of an extramarital affair. If at the end of all of this we reconcile then we can just as easily reverse this and re-combine our finances."

[Rose888]

I am not an expert, but I would probably keep it simpler. "If we are living separately, it makes sense to have separate finances. I won't share finances if we are living apart."

[Ginger1]

Of course not. I want to break her out of the fog though.

You can't break her out of the fog.

[lostasf]

Thanks for your input Rose. Anyone Else??

[MoveFrwd]

Keep it simple, stupid!

I wouldn't prepare anything. But what Rose said is about right.