Talked to her the other night, she had asked me to call her for several days and I ignored it. She said she was getting her own place and needed to talk to me, but instead ended up talking about every little thing that I had done and how nothing I accused her of was true. Oh well. Family therapy went good, she was great with the kids and talked them about a lot of different things. She told me they were adjusting very well and doing good. And that she thought I was doing a great job with them. She also noticed that the kids did t seem to be yearning for their Mom. Lastly she reminded me to make sure I protected myself and didn't let her talk me into letting her come home or be around outside the court orders for our protection. One day at a time but man this [censored].
It is about boundaries. Right now she is manipulating you. She says something outrageously unfair or untrue, and you react and argue about it with her. *YOU* are making the choice to react, you are making the choice to engage. She is not 'doing this to you', YOU are the one going down this road. You must let go of the desire to get her to admit to her lies and take accountability for her choices. Compulsive liars cannot do this. They simply cannot. It will not happen. So step one is to quit talking to her and drop your expectations.
As for legal protection, you need a lawyer, and a counselor. A lawyer, and a counselor. You need to tell them what is going on, and you need to follow their guidance.
Losing your partner is very hard. But the silver lining is that in your sitch the road ahead of you is very straight forward. She is making this really, really simple for you. STFU, set boundaries, get a lawyer, and protect yourself. It couldn't be simpler.
What we are here to help with is you. What are you getting out of these exchanges where you continue to participate and react? Are you so needy for her voice and attention you are willing to accept arguing and insane denials and accusations? What false belief are you clinging to? Is it that if you suffer enough and forgive enough and put up with enough she'll appreciate how 'generous' you're being?
In sum, when you look at this and clearly see the right road ahead, what is it in your way?
It's time you started answering and addressing these questions. And I believe you're ready to do it in a way you wouldn't have been able to up until now. It is your time to step up, and we are here with you. Hang in.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
