Hi first post. I have been reading here on the forum for months. I need to talk. Great people here and awesome support. Wife wanted to leave. I said no, We could have not afforded to pay for two homes. I moved in with my 84 year old mother and taking care of her. W is in our home. We still share everything money bills. Guess I'm the support she never sees. I was verbally abusive , controlling. was a heavy drinker. Wife spent more time out with friends than with me. That started most arguments. I can understand why she did. I'm doing the 180. Focus on myself change for the best No booze and controlling. It's been 5 months. She said she needs time. I had asked in the beginning if there was an affair. She said No. Married 28 years. I do believe her. Communication is there and than gone. Beginning of S there was more communication and now less. I never pleaded or begged. I have gone dark. In the past I got some text mess from her. I want to save M. Is she in MLC. She seems to want to spend more time with woman friends playing her sports and partying. I had asked her recently if she had come to a conclusion of moving on or is involved in A with a M or W. Answer was No She is in control and I'm in limbo. What to do?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hi Adrian, can you give us more information about her background, the conditions of her growing up, etc.? Has there been any traumatic incident, unresolved issues, abuse, etc.?
Had anything occurred that seem to have triggered a sudden change in your W's attitude or behavior? Does she appear depressed (when she's not out with her friends)? Is she angry toward you and your part of the breakdown in the MR?
What are the ages of you and your W? Any children?
Sorry for so many questions. I don't want to sound as if I am interrogating you. Your answers will help get you started in telling your story. Glad you chose this place to talk. You will find a lot of personalities, but we all came here basically for the same reason........our M. You will also find a lot of support, if you post regularly.
So, welcome aboard, and fasten your seat belt.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You said you were a heavy drinker, abusive and controlling. Why would you even think it's an MLC? Seems like the problem was you. How long have you been abusive and a heavy drinker? What ways have you actually changed? For example, do you still yell at her? The moe detail you give, the better we can help.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
She is 50 years old. Two D age 19 and 23. Her childhood was not the best. Given up for adoption at early age. She grew up in foster homes and then her and brother a were adopted, but was separated from her older sister. D are on there own. Youngest is a great kid but picks the wrong friends. Has gotten into a rut and my wife and I are trying to help her emotionally and financially. I was not the best of fathers. I helped financially but never gave them any time. My wife holds that against me. Her biological mother just passed away about 7 months ago. I have stopped drinking. I do not yell at her. I had stopped drinking for 6 years and started. It lasted for 5 years. I tried to social drink, but I can not. I was never one to not help her around the house. She has a stressful job and demanding, constant calls for system going down. She said she needs her friends to help her with what she is going through? I noticed she is drinking and partying more with her girl team mates. She seems to brag about it to me. Times she hates me and then I ran into her at the store and was so thrilled to see me. Now my youngest is in trouble again. My wife want's nothing to do with me. Our problems again are put on the back burner. My daughters do come as priority but it seems our M issues get put on hold. She says that she is not ready to talk. I love my wife and girls. Not knowing is driving me nuts. I need to work on my controlling issues. I find my self speculating things. What she is doing or planning and I drive my self crazy not knowing what tomorrow will bring (about our M)
I'm 53 I have joined a gym again. I stated cycling with a old non drinking friend. I started to get out and make new friends. Which my wife always told me, to get out with friends and have fun. I stated riding my motorcycle with a group of people my age. Having a blast. I have signed up for floor Hockey. Registration is this week. Looking forward to it.
You are so smart to recognize that you need to work on controlling your issues. Try not to spend time speculating (mind reading). Your GAL activities sound fun!
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Still riding a rollercoaster. Not sure if wife is having MLC or WW. She wants to be with friends playing sports and partying. I noticed after her biological M past away she calls her mom. Through the years of M she always called her by her first name. No R talks or nothing about where we are going. She will text me once in a while ask how I'm doing and tell me what she has been doing. I have focused on myself spend time with D, detached. No calls or contacts. So confused. I keep holding on. Coworkers and friends say move on. My heart says to hold on and have patience. I read old posts and stories from the veterans here and it gives me good days. I think sometimes the small communication is a good sighn
Yes I have read DB. I'm not blaming my wife at all. I know where the problem is inside of me. My problems caused the issues we have now, and just went into MLC. I think. She does not seem to care for D's. That is a change I have noticed
