Brian's Song

[Cld]

Brian,
I am so sorry that you are going through this, she is obviously mentally ill and you should treat her as such. I will send you some positive energy.
Hugs

[MrBond]

Your wife does not have a mental illness. How much of DB have you read? Make that a priority

[Brian99]

Your wife does not have a mental illness. How much of DB have you read? Make that a priority

The original divorce busting book, page 65. Thanks for calling me out. I need to get on that.

[Brian99]

Updates.

1. So Mr. Bond Has called me out for not reading the material. I need to get on that.

2. Wife appears to be working on divorce. Originally she said she would wait to 2017. But I broke rule #6, Don't discuss private matters with friends. For those not following my post. I meet with one of my wife's coworkers and told her what i knew about the affair. In turn, she outed the affair at work. Wife as since moved up divorce time table up to ASAP.

3. Wife has been asking me to move out. I told her i will stay in family home to divorce is settled. At my attorneys initial consultation he advised not to move out. Now I need to hold my ground.

4. A friend of my wife from out of state called me the other day. The friend stated she has be unable to get ahold of my wife. When the friend calls my wifes number it says number no longer in service. Maybe my wife blocked her number. The friend considers my wife her best friend. I followed the rules this time and didn;t tell the friend any details.

5. My wife is lining up child care for post divorce. I currently watch my daughter 4 nights a week. It sounds like my wife wants 100 percent custody and hired help will watch my daughter at night. My wife has insinuated that i'm not a good father. Interestingly she had no problem with me watching our daughter at nights for the last 2.5 years. I will let my lawyer handle this one if my wife ever gets around to filing papers.

6. I try to avoid contact with my wife but we cross paths sometime. Lots of anger to me. I guess thats a trait of WW's. I've read boundaries post but have a hard time implementing them. I dont think fast on my feet and not the best verbal communicator.

[MrBond]

Well she could also be mad because now everyone at work knows about her A.

[Brian99]

Small anecdote…
I’m at work and the wife comes home from her shift. She can’t get the garage door open either with her transponder or the keypad. She try’s the keypad 5 times and decides I’ve changed the passcode. She gives up and goes inside thru the front door. The power is out, she goes to bed. I come home later and she asks me if I got the garage door open. I say yes, she then accuses me of changing the passcode. She mentions the electric was out for a little while but sees no relation between the electric being out and garage door not opening for her. She asks if I’ve changed any other passwords. Errrh..

[Brian99]

So I as I mentioned in my previous post, my wife has asked me to move out of the house. I was firm and told her I will stay at the house to the divorce is finalized. She had not filed at that time.

So she comes back this week and asks to separate our finances. Currently all money comes into the joint accounts and all bills paid thru joint account. We agree to have our pay checks deposited into our individual accounts. We break up bills individual vs family expenses. We will keep the joint account open only to pay the minimum family bills (mortgage, lights, water). We agree on how much to fund the joint account each month.

Next she brings up the divorce. Previously I said I would not discuss divorce and if she wanted one just go file and I will deal with it. As I previously suspected she is trying a “do it yourself divorce”. She picked up the paper work at the county clerk’s office. We went over the house, money, retirement plans, debt and our child. It was a heated discussion at time. When it was all said and done we agreed in principal on a fair split. My wife said she would complete the paperwork by Oct 1st.

So now “the rubber meets the road.” Let’s see if she follows thru and files. I still want her to do all the heavy lifting and file the papers on me. But this is her out if she wants it.

I reviewed all this with my marriage (now individual) counselor. My IC wants me to act on the divorce and help my wife fill out the paper work to expedite the process. She thinks it’s a good deal and I need to act on it. My IC thinks it’s not worth saving the marriage based on what I’ve told her about my wife. I know DB and “5 Languages of Love Book” believe all marriages can be saved. I’m leaning towards ignoring my IC’s advice on this one. Its free will at this point guys…

[MrBond]

Why did your IC believe it's not worth saving? Did you read DBYet?

[Brian99]

Why did your IC believe it's not worth saving? Did you read DBYet?

My IC thinks the wife has something called BPD Borderline Personality Disorder. I never heard of it. Looked it up and yes she meets some of the traits. and does explain some things about her being overly sensitive.

[MrBond]

Unless your IC is specifically your W's IC, then I would take that with a grain of salt. He can only diagnose if he actually had her as a patient one on one. In any event, does the IC believe in MLC?