Feeling lost 2

[srt]

last post of old thread

I should say I recently discovered my wife had started this blog


it scream MLC to me, and is something she started to do around the time I noticed changes.
Later photos do not have her wedding ring either, something she lied to me about at the time.

I know I need to detach, but felt this was a decent enough chunk of information that would help me determine if in an MLC or not.

link to old thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2658107#Post2658107

[srt]

right very confused again about W behaviour and recent interactions

we agreed to go a walk to about stuff the other night - spent half the walk just chatting about all sorts of stuff, family, friends, kids etc.
Then she shift chat onto more serious stuff. She still says she does not know what she wants. Doesn't want a D, but doesn't want R either. Thinks the current situation is OK and doesn't acknowledge effect of separation on children - thinks because she sees them happy they are ok.
Still has "dream" of living in city and working at museum. Is getting worried she's turning 35 this year. Doesn't think she's in MLC. Says she is happier now, but also talked in detail about what was wrong - apparently didn't feel loved enough, and I never "chased" her - seemed strange to me as it's not how I remembered it.
I validated all this as best I could but probably pursued too much too.
Then discussing finances, she said wants nothing!
Only sticking point is kids and access - still wanting me to pick them up in the week to suit her work arrangements (I'm full time she is not). This seems cake eating, she is also refusing 50/50 care, which is what I want since still feel kids and family has been ripped from me.
Very confused about the whole chat, she says she has no resentment now, but equally I see no desire to revive R, and at the same time she seems to indicate current sitch is ok which it is not as it doesn't allow me to move on.
To top it all off she asked if I wanted to go on hols with her M&D and kids during summer, I simply said I don't think that would be appropriate.

HELP!

[J5K]

[quote=srt]Doesn't think she's in MLC. Says she is happier now, but also talked in detail about what was wrong - apparently didn't feel loved enough, and I never "chased" her - seemed strange to me as it's not how I remembered it.
I validated all this as best I could but probably pursued too much too./quote]

srt,

My WW doesn't think she is MLC either. Mine says the same thing, I never pursued. You did the best you could in the conversation.

[quote=srt]
Only sticking point is kids and access - still wanting me to pick them up in the week to suit her work arrangements (I'm full time she is not). This seems cake eating, she is also refusing 50/50 care, which is what I want since still feel kids and family has been ripped from me.
Very confused about the whole chat, she says she has no resentment now, but equally I see no desire to revive R, and at the same time she seems to indicate current sitch is ok which it is not as it doesn't allow me to move on.
/quote]

She is cake eating. My WW wants to move our 5 boys to another country and expects me to move there also. Protect yourself and your kids. Although I want the family to stay together, I cannot control WW and have to accept the path to a D.

[srt]

Hi JimKao, my thoughts exactly.

If she doesn't want to be my W, why would I want to pick up the kids and watch them for her? I'd much rather have them on times that suit me. This seems totally lost on her.

In other news D(now 8!) is not too well, W is freaking out about this and reaching out a bit for support. I'm trying to validate and do this but not get too involved with W. W also seems to blame herself that this has happened due to her actions - she was crying thinking the kid had cancer.
Will be getting tests done, just gonna try and be there for D & S and validate like hell to the W, hopefully she will realise there is a reason marriage is an institution as it provides support to each other at these times.

[Rose888]

Sorry to hear that your daughter isn't feeling well. I hope the tests aren't painful and that you get good news soon.

[srt]

Checking in again

2 recent interactions just highlighting to me how bloody batsh!t crazy W is (that is the only way I'm coping with this - to me she is mentally ill!)

first one was drop off at weekend, where W came in (late) distressed, and wanted to ask me something but then said it did not matter. Ended up she told me - she needed someone to watch kids a weekday night and a school day since she had work commitments. I said I thought you didn't want me to have kids weekdays and you didnt want my folks to watch kids during the day, since she had previously refused. She ended up upsetting herself and stormed off, returning 2 mins later to sulk in the MH. When she returned she shouted at me and I said I'm not speaking to anyone who treats me like that. After 10 mins of her waiting, whilst I was playing outside with kids, she came out and apologised and wanted to talk. She was worried about daughter and soem other stuff which was consequential of our separation (can't remember exact details). She also started moaning about her mail. I've collected this for her since she moved out but she still wanted to blame me for not giving it to her. I simply said I put it in a bag as we had agreed and reminded her it's there for her when she wants to collect it. She was also very upset since daughters medical letter had not been sent to MH, instead to her apartment. I validated what I could and was very careful not to step in and try and solve it for her or comfort her.

Fast forward to today, W arrived late (again) and was complaining of feeling ill. Sore stomach, ears, teeth, and feeling under weather (seems to be a pattern). When leaving was complimenting me about things, and generally seemed a world apart from the monster on previous encounter. Again she offered to do ironing for me to which I agreed.

In other news I've been doing slightly better with GAL. Still having down moments though, and struggling with the lack of intimacy. Again feel like I should be doing more or spotting a sign but then realise I can only work on me.
I previously posted a blog my W had been working on and it seemed full blown MLC to me. I have the link for anyone who would like to give me their opinion.

[Rose888]

I checked out the blog briefly when you posted the link earlier. It didn't strike me as evidence of a MLC. Can you elaborate on what you see in the blog that makes you think MLC?

[srt]

It was many things, the illusion of trying to be youthful, shots and comments about getting old, constant photos of self/comparisons, and the quotes of random stuff such as what people should or should not be able to do.

[Rose888]

It was many things, the illusion of trying to be youthful, shots and comments about getting old, constant photos of self/comparisons, and the quotes of random stuff such as what people should or should not be able to do.

Many women have blogs that are focused on outfits and what to wear. In that context, her blog did not seem unusual, at least not in the brief time I spent poking around.

[srt]

Having another tough couple of days.
After our long walk been thinking over many things she had said - didn't feel I paid her enough attention, she said she just wanted me to grab her ass or something!

Starting to worry now that the detachment and NC (I've not initiated anything) are counterproductive? She was receptive to the long walk, and did say we could do it again sometime, but I've been leaving it to her and she has so far not mentioned it yet (1 week ago now).

Also I feel I need to get a better stand legally and with the kids. At the moment life is tough since I feel I don't see them enough. Also going to see what financial safeguards I can get put in place to protect me if the [censored] hits the fan.