It has been a while since I have been on here, as I have been busy and am still depressed over the situation. I know people say "you'll get over it. It takes a couple years", but I am still not over it and still do not know what my future looks like.
I went to the court-ordered mediation, which is a requirement since modification of custody is on the table. She didn't show. When I notified my attorney's office, I was told that she could be admonished and it even says on the instructions that a no-show could result in a $1500 fine. We went to court a few weeks later and my attorney said that most likely, nothing would happen to her unless she did it again. We could not go in front of the judge because we had not gone to mediation, so it had to be moved back to Nov 2. I am absolutely certain her attorney advised her not to show up so this would happen. She is too careful to just ignore the order.
She has stated in her declaration that she was a stay-at-home mom through the entire marriage and that she gave me "unwavering support" for the jobs I held while we were together. I took a job on the other side of the country after being out of work for 5 months and was there for 14 months and she would not go with me. I also turned down a very lucrative job with a very unique, but well-known company 7 hours away from home because she said she thought I should take it and then said "you can go, but I'm not moving the kids up there". This is what she calls "unwavering support". She is also stated " I thought the spousal support would be a few years". She still refuses to work.
The court is going to order a vocational examination for her. I am going to have to front the money for this, but she is supposed to have to pay for it, but I am doubting the courts will make her reimburse me, as the will probably say she doesn't have the ability to pay. My attorney said this is what we wanted, but I don't see a positive outcome for it.
I have struggled for the last 2 years to keep my head above water so I can keep my house and pay my bills while she does nothing except a ride-share job, which she only does part-time. The amount I am required to pay her is enormous and covers more than 150% of her entire cost of living. I am still in debt from the attorneys and also have to pay the medical. As of last month, I am no longer working full-time, as the job I was working for 11 months was only temporary. It was grueling job where I worked extremely long hours and had to wear steel-toe shoes, which have now increased pain with my back and legs to the point where it is difficult to walk without pain, as I have a history of issues and am rated by the VA at 90%. In all that time, I never got one sick day or one vacation day. She did not hesitate to demand prompt payment during that time.
We do not talk anymore, but the in little bit of e-mail communication we have, she doesn't hesitate to be nasty. She has always been this way, but it is getting worse. I am still going to therapy and am starting to realize the possibility that she never cared one bit about me. Now she thinks I am going to spend the rest of my life being miserable (and I might) paying for her.
I am still heartbroken and depressed over this, but I am very tempted to write her a letter and tell her what an incredibly mean person I think she is. I have hesitated to do this, as I did not want to maker her mad, but I am tired of being bullied. I cannot understand how someone can treat another person this way and tell other people that that person (me) is so bad. I just don't understand what makes people so mean and what makes people treat poorly, the ones who have treated them so well.
I need to call my attorney today to find out what is going to happen regarding the evaluation. I will post more when I have more news. Thanks for your support.
I am very tempted to write her a letter and tell her what an incredibly mean person I think she is. I have hesitated to do this, as I did not want to maker her mad, but I am tired of being bullied.
I dont think you should not send the letter to avoid making her mad.
I think you should not send the letter, because there is no point. It isnt like she is going to listen to you or change how she treats you.
Don't send that letter. Write it, because it will be cathartic to get out some of what you're feeling, but if you send it to her, you have to assume it goes straight into the divorce court record.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
I am in the process of writing the letter, but like both of you have stated, there is no point in sending it, as it will just fuel the flames. If she were being more logical and rational, these things would not be happening. I am not worried about it going into the court records, as there is nothing disparaging (it would actually make her look bad), but again, there is no point. Just since this last post she sent me another nasty and demanding e-mail. It is like kicking someone while he is down and it never stops. I do not understand it. She keeps getting meaner and just when I think it isn't possible for her to come up with more, she does.
As far as GAL, that is something I do not understand. I am still supporting her and have nothing left after paying her, as I still have debts from the divorce. I also have nothing for my future, as she literally got everything. I am also battling depression, which never occurred before the split. It goes up and down, but I really do not know what to do with my life.
breathe brother. Breathe. You are not alone here. We are in your corner and we are all rooting for you.
Now is the time to take care of yourself and let your W go and let the higher powers take care of her.
Do you feel you have adequate and competent legal representation? I feel (and I could be dead wrong) that you could do better with better legal representation. I think your W needs a dose of reality ASAP.
Stay strong brother, and if you need to vent, we're here for you.
Do you feel you have adequate and competent legal representation? I feel (and I could be dead wrong) that you could do better with better legal representation. I think your W needs a dose of reality ASAP.
V
I do have legal representation. I had to hire an attorney, as it has been two years since the split and she will not get a job. She said she thought she would have been given a few years. I wasn't really happy with the lawyer I had for the divorce, as I think she let me get screwed (not intentionally though), but this one says he is really aggressive. I am still not sure I am comfortable because the attorneys all know each other and I don't feel like he is listening. I am going to tell him when we go into court that I am not leaving without talking to the judge. There is a lot the judge needs to hear, but I am still not sure I will get the chance.
She is used to getting her way with everything she does and I am afraid the court will just look the other way. We are supposed to go to court on November 2, but she is supposed to have a vocational evaluation first since she claims she is not qualified to get a job.
She is really good with the crazy-making behaviors and I keep having to remind myself that I am not the bad person she says I am and that she is being irrational. I don't think most people who divorce fight the way she does. I don't even prompt her, but the one thing that really seems to tick her off is when I ignore her. She is a bully and I am so used to taking the bait. Now I bite my tongue and ignore her and it really makes her mad.
I am trying to see if there is a bright side, but it is a struggle. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for the support.
Clay, I did realize you had a lawyer, my question was if you were happy with his activities and actions. I feel that you might deem him less than adequate to represent you. If you are not 100% happy, then I would shop around, use word of mouth recommendation and get someone that I was OK with.
Again I am so sorry for the crazy situation you are in. Stay strong brother...
Thanks again for everyone's support. I'm sure I am repeating myself here, but I just don't understand why some people like to fight like this. To me, it feels much better to get along and try to be happy together.
