Maybs, it's weird isn't it. Whilst it's still not what I want, I can't say I want a r with who he is right now. I can't deal with the ignoring me anymore, disrespect, I want to feel loved and valued. And although I can't see me with another person, which makes me feel a bit sad. And I'm sad that he has taken away my belief in m and growing old together and raising our children.
I never thought I would get to the stage that I'm a bit too exhausted to carry on. But for me, I significantly lost hope when he filed. Especially for someone so careful with money, that he could rush straight through it and throw money at L's.
Grl, yeah I won't be pressured. I want to make sure I don't miss a trick or end up hard done by. I will not be bullied. Although I feel I've been pushed into a situation I don't want, I will control whatever is in my hands.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
The "talk" we apparently needed to have still hasn't happened. There's been a good few hours of the day we have been at home. I eventually asked him, he said he was about to go out.
Still just feeling quite fed up. Spent a day being sick and struggling to hold even fluid down so eating ice cubes like there's no tomorrow. I guess I'm fairly wrapped up in feeling unwell today that it's just making me a bit down and fed up of the situation with him. Still, I kept my distance and I think this shall be my stance. He's out this evening (surprise). But I kinda feel calmer. No spew opportunities. But I do hate when any one says to me, "I need to tell you something, but not now". Regardless of who it is, I usually react in panic mode. Constant worrying, this has been a trait for as long as I can remember. I'm kinda getting better at this. Telling myself, it's out of my control. So this is another of my behaviours that I'm trying to mend. I might not have saved my m, but I think I'm saving myself.
My ex before wh was verbally very abussive. It came to a stage that nothing I did was right, and I never knew what would set him of. I remember making him a cup of tea once and erupted that I put the milk in the cup first. It led to a violent rage and throwing the cup. He made a confident woman turn into a nervous wreck. It took me a long time to walk. But I did (and he wouldn't leave me alone wanting me back). In a matter of a few months (maybe 2) I got with wh. And he was amazing and so caring, I felt protected from him. The thing is, my ex did a lot of damage to me, I was a broken woman, and I don't think I started to build myself back up until bd1 in 2015. So I think now, I'm fully trying to identify these issues within myself and build me back fully into the woman I was.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I remember making him a cup of tea once and erupted that I put the milk in the cup first. It led to a violent rage and throwing the cup. He made a confident woman turn into a nervous wreck.
But ... But ... That's the "right" way to make a proper cuppa.
Cherry - I know I'm imposing on you but we have a new member Zanadoo to our little family. A young lady who used to be what she describes as a "firecracker" and now describes herself as a "mouse". I've suggested she come over here for a visit but if you don't mind doing a quick flyby you might make a great difference for a troubled and lost young lady who I think could use a friend other than the kindly grandfather type like me.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Pay no mind to this - the talk. It's just a bunch of words. It may happen it may not. It may not even exist. You have heard much worse than he can possibly deliver. He is playing this out to make you live the roller coaster. You are letting him bully you. You know this but you, regardless, are riding it. Get off. Go sit on a deck chair and look at the sea instead - better still go surfing! Let him ride the roller coaster alone. It's not for you.
Walk away from the drama Cherry.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Hey surfer! Thank you for swinging by, good to see you. Yup he temporarily sucked me in slightly. I have heard the worst, so why drag it out, why repeat it?! Questions none of us can answer so I won't pay no mind!
Having a relaxing evening by myself, relaxing and watching some tv. Enjoyed a lovely cuddle with S before bed. He tapped my belly and said "night baby" still not sure he fully understands, but it's hella cute either way!
Watched a programme on childbirth this eve. Not sure this is a great idea when I've got to do this in a few months, but I'm kinda excited to do it again. Seeing the joy on the parents faces when that baby is born had my tearing up a little. A tad bitter sweet as I remembered me and h and the loving moments as we were handed our son, so happy we were a proper little family now. But I'll still be excited to hold my next child, give he/she a kiss. That rush of love is immense, I get that same rush whenever I see my S, you truly do not understand love until you become a parent.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I remember making him a cup of tea once and erupted that I put the milk in the cup first. It led to a violent rage and throwing the cup. He made a confident woman turn into a nervous wreck.
But ... But ... That's the "right" way to make a proper cuppa.
Cherry - I know I'm imposing on you but we have a new member Zanadoo to our little family. A young lady who used to be what she describes as a "firecracker" and now describes herself as a "mouse". I've suggested she come over here for a visit but if you don't mind doing a quick flyby you might make a great difference for a troubled and lost young lady who I think could use a friend other than the kindly grandfather type like me.
In a matter of a few months (maybe 2) I got with wh. And he was amazing and so caring, I felt protected from him. The thing is, my ex did a lot of damage to me, I was a broken woman, and I don't think I started to build myself back up until bd1 in 2015. So I think now, I'm fully trying to identify these issues within myself and build me back fully into the woman I was.
I find it interesting that several of us here seem to have met our spouses at a really low time in our lives, where we had little confidence and possibly just out of a bad R. Maybe we married rescuers who aren't comfortable with us finding our strength and confidence.
I know that WH wants someone 'small' - someone who doesn't have her own life or needs or purpose besides fulfilling his needs.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Painter, I've been pondering this too. The 2 ow that have been involved during this time have both been much needier women, full of issues, needy, and both had daddy issues (dad walked out on them). They have also been manipulative but that's another story. Basically, they've been the polar opposite of me. I'm feisty, independent and I'm successful in my own right. They're the type that want men to constantly splash out. My papi raised me to be strong and have a career in my own right, and I've always thought that I would rather have nothing than have a man tell me that I only have *insert thing* because of him.
Maybe this is my problem!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Strange. I certainly was not short on confidence at all. This happened when BD happened but I am getting back (I will have set backs - we all will, that's grief).
Perhaps they may be 'rescuers' IDK. Perhaps overthinking.
You will never understand. Stop trying, I think if you can let go (i.e. stop caring to some degree) of that fear of losing them (whilst still loving them), then I am sure you will find all the answers you need.
The Fan - De Niro wasn't too impressed with Wesley's view on this (below).
