Wonka has dropped some very sage advice and thoughts. Ponder on them and step back. You are a tenacious in all that you do But here, stepping back for a moment will benefit you greatly no matter what the future brings. Just take it one day at a time.
And to you Wonka, I love your style of sharing here....Arching eyebrows and cocked head...Makes me picture "The Rock" of the WWE.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
You're right Wonka. I guess it comes down to me just getting fed up with WH's cycle, remorse followed by pining over OW. I had already put a boundary that I could not listen to his feelings of loss around OW, so when he started going down that road I became exasperated. I was like, Seriously? This again? It's not so much detachment as me not really caring about WH's feelings anymore. Divorce is beginning to look like a relief compared to hearing my WH tell me daily how he isn't in love with me, how OW was "the one." It doesn't hurt but it does frustrate me to hear him babble on like a lovesick teenager.
I do think WH has the cheater's mentality, he still is deflecting the blame onto me instead of looking within and finding out why he has such poor boundaries. I can't feel safe with him as long as he does not take ownership of his actions. It wasn't about me being a higher moral ground, it was about my significant concerns about considering staying married to someone who still hasn't dug into what led him to cheat. If he doesn't conquer his demons it's simply a matter of time before he cheats again.
Last night we got into a heated argument after he started getting sarcastic and mean. He said it would probably be better of we divorce and began talking about how "we" would proceed. I made it clear that I would not be his friend after divorce, I can't be friends with someone who would do what he did to his children and wife and then refuse to do the work necessary to fix it. He actually seemed stunned that we wouldn't be BFFs after divorce. He suddenly backed off the divorce topic and was apologizing for being so disrespectful during the convo. I told him I was wearing out, that my endurance to wait for him to "come 'round" was just about done.
He will be calling in a few minutes to talk and I don't even have a strategy for tonight's conversation. I kind of just want to go completely dark but at the same time I feel like I have to keep trying at DBing for my kid's sake. I did make sure to fix myself up nice before we Facetime, for no other reason than to make myself feel okay. I am functioning on very little sleep and frankly need any perk to keep my chin up.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Maybe you can ask him for some time? Take a break from the conversations about R and just catch up on day to day stuff? It sounds like fatigue on your part.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I just had to pop in. I have been keeping up with your thread because I see some of my firecracker feistiness in you. You are, of course, a much younger, sexier and hardier version of me.
You and your H are reacting in anger and out of exhaustion.
Ditto whatever Wonka has said. But it's not just a DB marathon, it's a DB tango marathon. It will be a few steps forward and equal or more steps backward for a long time.
There are many positives in your sitch. Which is why I would hate for all of it to go to waste.
It may seem torturous now and neverending. But let me tell you this, what is never-ending is divorce. For the rest of your life, you will be bound to your H either through divorce or M.
If you have a chance to make it M instead of D, I would seriously advise you to choose M. Because it really does seem that you have a fighting chance.
Sara, Pull back and ask for a timeout.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
WE talked on the phone twice yesterday and it was awkward and strained. He was obviously distracted and kind of rude to me. So I told him good night and went to bed.
Today none of the usual texts or calls from him. And funnily enough I just don't care. It's actually a relief not to communicate with him. If he tries to call or text I'll probably tell him we'll chat some other time. Frankly I am at the point where I don't really want to communicate with him for the rest of the time he's out of state, so until October.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Ugh.. I'm sorry you're going through all this again. And once again, the push pull of the wh is so unbelievably similar to mine.
I'm just going to echo what a lot of the wise do-ers have said. Take a little time and put the focus back on you, if he is really genuinely wanting this to work, then he will try to. But he really does need to dig into himself and identify where his problems are.
You are so unbelievably strong, so you've got it in you to carry on going. Sending lots of love.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, I wish your sitch wasn't so similar to mine. I wish your WH had a light bulb moment and realized what a complete dumb@ss he is being.
WH just texted me about a half hour ago, "All is well?" I haven't responded as I think I've been too available to him and he is taking me for granted. So I will wait until after the kids go to sleep and then text him we are fine and good night. I need space and I find I am more at peace when I don't think or worry about his thoughts, words, etc.,
I spent yesterday evening assembling the baby's new crib and helping the older kids with homework. I could a very good single parent with all this practice. I also have been looking up some local botox providers, I think I am ready for a touch up and also thinking about getting some hair streaks again. (I wear hijab but I like to look nice at home)
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
No because I do let him know the kids are okay regardless of what is going on between us. That's one thing I will never keep from him.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
