I am not sure about his wingspan. And as far as the second opinion, X would never listen to me anyway. When I asked him what he planned to do he just said he's going to live out the rest of his life making the best of things. His first goal is to re-connect with his son from his first marriage. His second is to live long enough to see S graduate from high school and lastly he hopes he can live long enough to give D away at her wedding one day (which will hopefully not happen for at least 15-20 years).
Maybe this diagnosis will make him evaluate things and straighten up his relationships with his kids. But more likely he will use it to gain sympathy and expect the kids to cater to him. I think that's why he used it on me. Didn't work.
On another topic, a dear friend of mine is going through almost the exact same thing I went through nearly 5 years ago. Her beloved husband of 16 years decided he was done. Is living with another woman and has filed and wants out. She feels like she has been kicked in the stomach. I am doing my best to be there and to help her "DB" as best as possible. It is hard not only to watch a dear friend go through the agony of what I went through but it is also causing me to go through the emotions of the breakup. Not that I want X back, of course, but just the mourning and loss comes back. It's incredibly sad to go through it yourself, but almost worse when you can only sit back and watch your dear friend endure it.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Well X is still kicking. He filed the paperwork with the court to cease maintenance. Our case doesn't go in front of the court commissioner until November and I am not stressing about it. It's all up to how the commissioner reads things and our divorce agreement specifically states maintenance terminates upon remarriage of the recipient, not cohabitation. It is what it is.
But I wish you all could read the paperwork he submitted to the courts. Basically whining that NG has a boat and a pool and we are remodeling the house (we have re-painted one bedroom since I moved in). Also he noted that NG and I have a substantial savings account which we are using for a new home construction. How he thinks he knows all these details is beyond me.
He also requested that until we appear in court that all funds the child support order holds from his check for maintenance payments be held from me and placed into a "trust". At the end of the proceedings, these funds shall be released to me if I agree to accept them as a final settlement to the property division set forth in the divorce. In other words, if I want that money, he wants me to sign off on the $3,000 I would get if he sold the house.
He is up to something.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I am thinking that XH is using the latest court filing as a backdoor fishing expedition to try and find out about your current financial situation because, I assume, he is experiencing some financial difficulties in his life.
I would want to have a L to work with the court to shut this notion of XH's quickly that he can just hope the Court would open up your financial records to him.
Ohhhh...to be a fly on XH's wall in his out with his banshee of OW screaming into his ear! Maybe she found out XW is no Daddy Warbucks after all.
But if he opens up all the financial records, he has to reveal his financial records as well, doesn't he? It isn't a one way street. AND he is living with someone too. How does that work? Do the courts look into what she makes (nothing) and consider that and how much NG makes and consider that? If he goes through all this rigamarole, I am going to request that child support be evaluated. I am sure he doesn't want his wages revealed. I think he just wants the commissioner to feel sorry for him and let him off the hook.
NG and I are not married. I could walk away tomorrow and have nothing. There is no obligation for him to cover my bills and I am not the recipient of anything if something should happen. So if I lose my maintenance and we never get married then what?
I can't really afford a lawyer since I am still paying off the lawyer from the previous debacle.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
He doesn't want you, so, nobody else should want you either. I smell fish. Don't know about the legal system in the US, but in the UK, once you agree in court, that's it, no going back.
Sleazebucket!!!!!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I agree that he's on a fishing expedition and wants to see just what you have. He doesn't stop to realize that he's in the same boat of having someone living w/him and she is most likely getting some type of social security check because of not being able to work. Also, that home is in his name. I think he figures that you are using the child support to do whatever and not using it for the children. May I suggest that you come up w/a spreadsheet that indicates all expenses for the children, i.e., what comes in and what goes out. What you and your NG brings home is none of his business. The only people he needs to be concerned with are the children.
I'm wondering why he suggested a trust. Does he think that no one will be looking at that trust? Does he think that his name would go on it and then he could come along and take money out whenever he wanted. The kids need the child support now and not later.
If this issue comes up, I would suggest that he lay out all of his financial information too and I wouldn't cough up any info until he's done his as well. BTW, how does he know what you have or don't have?
Don't agree to anything. I think the current way of doing things is working nicely. It's his problem if he's having financial difficulties. Maybe it's time to put Big Momma to work doing something, even if it's answering a telephone for a telemarketer. Maybe he needs to consider selling the money pit he's living in and go from there. Maybe he's thinking about retiring on disability and knows he won't have the funds to meet his child support payments. But again, he created his house of horrors and now he needs to figure things out. Don't give him an inch.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, Job. He isn't contesting child support (yet). This is for spousal support, which he hasn't wanted to pay since day 1. He worked and worked to get out of it, now he thinks the courts will let him off since I live with NG. The courts might and they might not. I haven't been asked to bring anything to court. My guess is they will want to re-evaluate finances. Maybe they won't and make a decision right then and there. But it's been my experience with the courts that they don't make decisions on the spot and there is ALWAYS a secondary hearing.
If anyone has any experience with this please chime in. I have no idea what to expect.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I still think he's on a fishing expedition and is hoping that he can prove that you have a closet full of money. You aren't remarried and like you said, the relationship could go sour and then what? I definitely would fight this one. He's apparently very jealous and vindictive enough to pull this stunt because he doesn't want to pay spousal support and he probably doesn't like it that you are living better than he is.
I do hope that everything works out for you. I knew your xh was going to be a PITA because he just can't let go and he needs to have drama floating around all of the time. Stand your ground.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh I plan to fight it most definitely. I already have notes and NG is getting documentation that his stuff was purchased before I moved in. I am just not sure if I will need to bring financial documentation to the initial hearing and how does that work if I share bills with NG?
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH - I would not be penny-wise and pound-foolish on this - get a lawyer.
I suspect a judge would want to know how your living expenses have changed since moving in with the boyfriend. For instance, do you pay him rent? If so, how much and how does it compare to your previous rent? Utilities?
Really, it seems that these are the only expenses that would be different since moving in with him. If you're not paying rent, then the courts might decide that your expenses are that much lower and might possibly decide that your alimony could be reduced by that much. But I would imagine that this varies a lot by state and only a lawyer could help you know how best to attack this.
I DO think that this is an opportunity to have child support recalculated based on his current income. That counter-punch might also cause him to reconsider the whole fight. But again, I think you really need to consult an attorney to find out how best to proceed.
