What should I be doing (too little too late?)

[Coconut]

Ok, offer was signed and sent... She didn't even have the decency to tell me, I had to text the realtor and ask.. Lol, she never ceases to amaze me, you think she would have mentioned it

[sandi2]

No OM and transparency is an absolute must, if there is a real MR after the kind of deception she gave. It is certainly not unreasonable to expect fedility and proof to back it up. She was a cheater and a liar. She would be very lucky if that's all that was required from her.

Look, this is dropping the rope. She knows he means business, b/c just like all WW's, she can tell if it's a gimmic or the real deal. Now she's getting nervous and sees he's not going to plead with her to give him another chance. If she goes to him, willing to do what he wants.......then he has the option of making that decision. But if he backs down just b/c her BFF put a bug in his ear..........it will won't last.

I am still hoping, Coconut. LBS's who enforce boundaries can be so close to the edge of things turning around.......if they'll not let the fear get ahold. IDK, maybe your WW was doing what BFF claimed. Although, it's a little hard to think BFF could talk WW into giving up FF. That may be BFF just telling you what she thinks you want to hear.

It's hard to swallow stubborn pride, but that is what the WW has to do.......if she is serious about wanting her M. She has to be the one to make the step toward you.

[Coconut]

I completely agree Sandi2, the first time I just wanted it to work, so I layed out the red carpet and made it as easy I could for her "to come back to me". The problem was, she came back for the wrong reasons, because it's what she was supposed to do, because it would make life easier for us and son, etc... But her heart wasn't in it, she really didn't regret what she did, she just regretted that it hurt me. Maybe she was hoping she would fall for me again, but I don't believe she wanted it bad enough to work for it.

It's amazing how clear it all is now, when I just didn't understand before. I'm actually kind of glad that she signed to sell the house, because I don't know that I would have trusted her motives if she hadn't, I woulda been afraid her decision was based on not wanting to move son, not because she was committed to me.

I also understand why me moving impeads opportunity for me to save my M, I am really considering staying local for a bit to see where things go, but I haven't fully decided yet. I really want to go, for me, but it would put me in a better place financially to stay local for a bit, live cheap, save up some money and then decide.. I know that's the right thing to do, but it's not what I want to do, I've got some real thinking to do this weekend..

I have dropped the rope, my decision will be based on me, do I do what I want and be a WAH or do I stay to keep a path back to M?

[JRuss]

I'm not sure you can't have both, C-Nut. Go where you want and keep the path open. There are airplanes and any other number of methods of transportation available to us in this day and age. The internet is highly functional,as are phones. If she ends up truly remorseful and wants to make it work with you, she can find you. And you'll know when/if it's real. She might miss the boat; you might love it where you're going and, eventually, find a better match, but that's her problem. You're going to be fine.

[Coconut]

ok, quick update... I emailed the company I applied for (I'm pretty sure they were going to select me) and asked them to remove me from consideration. I just want to slow down a little bit, and having to move up there in 3 weeks would have just been a little much. I'm still going to look to move, but would like to make it two or three months down the road.

WW BFF text me today, says:

BFF - She just deleted me as a friend. We are no longer friends.
Me - Stop doing that... You two will work it out again, but you can't harass her (if you are) you know she's stubborn. But she needs you, your her best friend... I'm not saying you need to support it, just don't bash it, your the link to the old WW, she needs your light to find her way back... She NEEDS you in her life

BFF - she deleted me off of FB, I think she blocked my texts too because she's not responding

Me - LOL, oh so it's really serious now if it was a FB delete.. Give it time, but I hope you don't give up on her, she didn't do it to you, find a way to forgive her, I did and it's amazing the difference it has had on me.

Me - I really appreciate your support, it means the world to me

Me - But understand the guilt she feel right now is overbearing on her, just try not to add to that, your her friend, just be there for her to lean on... Hopefully she will find her way back to the old WW

BFF - I always was your favorite friend!! :-)

Me - Without question one of, scratch that, not one of but THE most fun friends ever.

[RDS]

If they're BFF why would your W delete her? Was it because she thought her BFF was taking sides with you?

[Coconut]

Yep, her BFF is pissed at what WW did & is doing.. Standard WW action, isolate from those who don't agree with actions and surround self with only supporters..

I should add WW has been BFFs for 25 years and is godmother to one of BFFs daughters... What I find most ironic is that WW had a hissy fit when I told her she needed to unfriend OM when we were "piecing", said its just FB and doesn't mean anything, but she deleted some of my family who posted generic comments referencing her actions and now BFF... Actions truly speak volumes, we know what they mean when we see them, we just don't want to believe them

[hawker]

My WW is doing the same thing...Isolating herself from her BFF's that she grew up with since grade school...surrounding herself with supporting friends at her employment. I think that is common for most WS...

[Coconut]

Sandi2 / Wonka,

If you see this, can you stop by lostaf's thread and make sure I'm on the right track with my advice?

[Ginger1]

I know I'm mind reading here, but do you think it's possible that your wife's BFF might have embellished in what your W was telling her, she got wind, found out and got mad at her?

She may be trying to play matchmaker and it backfired on her.