3) I'm happy with where I am right now. I've finally started to find the person I should have been all along, and feel that I'm going to lose some of that if we were to decide to try and reconcile, fall into old habits, etc. Similar to the addiction that our spouses are in, I feel I've been "addicted" to the behaviors that contributed to us getting to this point, and returning to the thing that is the source of that addiction would be a bad thing in the end.
Are you familiar with the expression "No matter where you go, there you are?". Your habits had nothing to do with your wife, and aren't going to go away just because you go somewhere else. Your habits and actions are in you, so no matter where you go, they will be there unless you change them. I completely agree that some habits are hard to break, I struggle with that myself. But I don't think it has anything to do with who's around me, I believe it has to do with my drive, emotional well being, excitement of life, etc..
I want to be clear, I'm not arguing your points or telling you what you should do, just trying to point out some things I have learned (and am learning) along this path, it's the main reason I still come on this site, to share my experiences to help others.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I appreciate that coconut and understand what your saying and do agree that the changes I make need to come from within. My point was that by walking away at this point, I feel less likely to slip into common behaviors that have been there for a long time. Once divorced and living separately, it will be outside my comfort zone because I've lived with her for so long, making it less likely for me to slip back into the behaviors I'm trying to break.
Those behaviors have nothing to do with my W, it's just expressing that it's easy to get comfortable and slip into old behaviors, just like being around an addiction that you are trying to heal from can cause you to slip into those old patterns and behaviors.
Thanks!
_____________________ Me:44 W:44 Together 22 Married 21 S 19 D 17, 15, 15. 7 EA/PA suspected 3/30/2016 EA/PA confirmed 4/5/2016 ILYBINILWY 4/5/2016 WW asked for Divorce 5/8/2016 (WW has backtracked)
No real updates to provide. Did have a conversation about the D with STBX over the weekend, trying to get her to think about things like splitting off bills, and that type of thing. She was receptive to what I was saying, no arguments, and feel like we're generally on the same page as far as what is coming.
The thing that struck me during that conversation is that she made a comment that I've been different since I came back from the business trip, which I have been. I've finally let go and and I think she's picking up on that. I also feel truly happy for the first time in a long, long time, so I think she's picking up on that as well. I responded thanks and that I feel like I've found my old self again. She responded with something along the lines of you'll be the person I fell in love with after it's too late. Not really sure what to make of that if anything. I'm not really worried about it as I'm moving on with my life.
I still don't think she really gets what is happening, she's too wrapped up in her fog to understand, but if you've read my threads, you'll see that she hasn't been the typical WW either. She's never changed her behavior towards the kids or skirted on any of her repsonsibilities. Most of the time she's her usual self, she just disaapears from time to time to call OM, text OM, or leaves to see OM.
I'm sure she'll figure out what exactly she's done at some point, but time will tell.
_____________________ Me:44 W:44 Together 22 Married 21 S 19 D 17, 15, 15. 7 EA/PA suspected 3/30/2016 EA/PA confirmed 4/5/2016 ILYBINILWY 4/5/2016 WW asked for Divorce 5/8/2016 (WW has backtracked)
Hi all, it's been a while since I've been on the board, and apologize for that. Things have been crazy busy...
Things are progressing slowly with the divorce, although I find myself questioning if that's right decision today. Not sure why I feel down, just am.
As far as the new house, it's been great. I really like where it's at, the views from the house in all directions are amazing - lots of open farm land and a couple of lakes in the view... I will be sad to have to turn around and sell it as we progress with the divorce.
STBX is still in her fog, still seeing the OM so no updates there.
For newer members to the board I do need to say I mad a very, very big mistake about a month and a half ago. I got involved with another woman... Saw her for about a month before breaking it off. I realized that I still have pretty strong feelings for my STBX and that it wasn't fair to her to not be able to be fully committed to a relationship that I wasn't ready for. It hurt her pretty badly as she was developing feelings for me, but I was also very honest and up front about my situation and that I may not be ready to move on. She admits she knew what she was getting herself into, but doesn't mean that it hurts any less.
My advice to any of you thinking about moving on before everything is settled in your prior relationship is don't do it. You're just setting yourself and the other person up for a lot of heartbreak. I know there's other advice along those lines on the board here, so please listen to it. I let myself fall into the trap of enjoying the fact that someone was paying attention to me and wanting to be with me, which I've missed for some time, but I wasn't ready for it.
Anyway hope everyone is doing well, I've got a lot of catching up to do, and will try to get caught up over the next couple of days.
_____________________ Me:44 W:44 Together 22 Married 21 S 19 D 17, 15, 15. 7 EA/PA suspected 3/30/2016 EA/PA confirmed 4/5/2016 ILYBINILWY 4/5/2016 WW asked for Divorce 5/8/2016 (WW has backtracked)
