Focus on Me and my Boys 8

[Ginger1]

Jim, don't get me wrong, you are navigating these choppy waters better than can be expected.

I do detect a bit of wanting to please W..... But I do admire you wanting to try to keep th connection between her and the kids. It that is not fully on you, although you should not hinder it, of course.

Painter made an excellent suggestion. Video chatting works on their level. They can put the voice to the face and interact.

Like I had said, when my D9 is occupied, she rarely "misses" the other parent anymore. She engaged in that part of her life. Which is healthy. Your kids are in school with their peers and pretty occupied.

Just like us. When we GAL we don't think of those we miss as much. However, it doesn't mean we forget them or don't love them.

[J5K]

Painter,

STBX did ask about facetiming with the boys when she and I had a brief talk labor day weekend. She has not brought it up since. We used to do that in the past. I have no issue with them video chatting, STBX just needs to request how many times per week she would like to and what time.

Ginger,

Yes, there is a little bit of still wanting to please. Not sure how to be friends with her, but with everything I have experienced she still has a tone of no respect for me so I guess I just need to let it go.


I took the boys to another festival today and they had a blast. We came home about 7 pm and had dinner at 7:30. STBX calls out of the blue and asks to speak with the boys. I could hear background noise and it sounded like she was at a restaurant. I answered the phone in a happy cheerful voice and of course she sounded like she was sulking. She spoke to all 5 longer than normal, even told them she is coming this week to visit with them to celebrate S7 and S8's birthdays. When the last boy was done speaking with her I just hung up the phone.

S8 did tell her that I made homemade breakfast burrito's. I chuckled when I heard him tell her. I have never done that before and want them to have a breakfast they can take in the car if we are ever running behind for school. I put eggs, bacon, red peppers and Mexican mix cheese in them. S8 even told her that I made one for S2 with no eggs since he is allergic to eggs.

Overall the weekend was fun with the boys and this week should be fairly routine.

I hope everyone has a great start to their week.

[J5K]

Sleeping pattern has changed again. Waking up in the middle of the night, this morning it was 2 am so I decided to journal a bit.

Boys loved the breakfast sandwiches I made. I had a decent day at work and a nice evening with the kids, not a whole lot of fuss today with them which was nice.

As I was tucking them into bed, S4 gave me extra long hugs. I then went to hug S6. S4 starts to rehash the past, he talked about how mommy was unhappy because I wasn't nice to her and she wants a D. He also described how she broke my heart by leaving me and that she broke my heart in two and how I was sad and crying a lot and that mommy did not like that I cried a lot, and on and on and on.

I was so amazed at how much information he was sharing. I redirected a bit and said that daddy is no longer sad and that he still loves mommy and that both mommy and daddy love him and his brothers. I told him that everything will be fine and that he should not worry about mommy and daddy. I gave him another hug and kissed him goodnight.

I love these boys! Our relationship and bond is growing between the 6 of us and I am loving every minute of it.

Not trying to go negative here at the end of this post, but I was told that trial would cost anywhere from $40 to 60K. I do not think STBX realizes that she would be crippling the family if she pushes this to trial. I pray every night that someone or something will somehow be able to communicate to her the financial impact this will have on her and our family. I continue to pray that her L stating she will have a conversation with her about the reality of things or that mediation will be the wake up call.

[J5K]

STBX calls yesterday at 6:30 to speak with the boys. They were on the playground but they all spoke with her. When I answered the phone I was happy and had a soft voice like I was glad that she called. I could sense resentment still on her end and that she was not feeling well. She just said can I speak to my boys please. After the last one was done speaking with her, her voice sounded much more calm. She thanked me and I wished her a good evening and hung up.

This morning she sends a text asking if I would meet MIL halfway so she can spend time with the boys. She stated she has a bladder infection that is affecting her J Pouch and cannot come to do her parenting time in Michigan. I have not responded yet until I speak with my L, but I cannot meet halfway because I have my sister's engagement party Friday so MIL will have to come here. STBX also would like her family to celebrate S7 and S8s birthdays this weekend. Her parenting time is supposed to be here and I agreed with the her L also that I would pay for the hotel. This woman is stubborn! Her monkeys her circus.

[bigybiz]

One word - GreyHound.

[Painter]

You could always ask for a doctor's confirmation about the bladder infection. She has lied to you so much, you can't trust her word.

It is important that you show cooperation and willingness to give the kids access to immediate and extended family. As a rule, courts award custody to the parent who is best able to give the kids access to the other parent and family, because they see that person as the best facilitator who should be in charge.

But your reference indicates that she has battled severe health issues for a long time? There are nutritional issues that can come up in connection with digestive disorders that can impact the emotional balance, and not all doctors are good at understanding how critical these nutrients are and how they can be supplemented...

[J5K]

Painter,

As always you are a wealth of knowledge. Technically STBX should be getting her J pouched checked out once a year. She has not done it since I have known her. I do not know if she is eating well or eating at all. She is a healthy person overall.

I spoke with my L and she thinks STBX is lying. I do not believe STBX either. My MIL can drive STBX down if required and they can stay in the hotel that I agreed to pay for based on the two L's agreement last week. The referee in court clearly stated STBX needs to come here to co-parent. My L also said that if she does have a bladder infection she should be on antibiotics and not knowing when this started a couple of days should cure the issue.

Yes I can ask for a doctor's confirmation but I know she will not provide that to me.

[J5K]

Todays text with STBX:

STBX: Hi Jim, I was supposed to come down this weekend to see the kids but I have a severe bladder infection and now the antibiotics are making my jpouch inflamed. I haven't seen them in almost a month. Can we please meet halfway (my mom can pick them up) so that they can be here with me. My family also wanted to celebrate S7's' and S8's birthdays too.

Me: Hi STBX. Sorry your J pouch is getting inflamed by the antibiotics, I hope you feel better soon. I already have commitments that cannot be changed and cannot meet halfway.

STBX: That's extremely disappointing but not at all surprising.

Me: I can understand your disappointment. Please check with your lawyer on what the agreement was for this weekend. I would suggest that your mom drive you here so you can spend time with the boys.

STBX: Well I'd like to have the kids come to visit then the weekend of October 7. I'll be in MI for the trial. So I'd like to then bring them back to Canada as it is our thanksgiving that Monday (October 10). We can meet halfway on that Monday to do the exchange after you're done work.

Me: I suggest we discuss this at mediation.

We continue to be at a standstill with every texting conversation. Unreal!

So I text my youngest sister tonight and tell her that I will have the boys and asked if she has room for a table for the 6 of us at her engagement party tomorrow night. She freaks out crying and is upset and says my mother is upset also. I stated I am not coming without my boys and do not plan on hiring a babysitter as she suggested. I offered to come after dinner with the boys which she did not like. She stated dinner would not be done until 9:45 pm or 10pm. I said no problem, will have the boys take a nap and get ready to be there by 10pm so they can have some fun.

This is the same sister that just quit her job and has been living off my father for many years. There were times I asked if she could watch my boys so STBX and I could have a date night when we were going through rough patches, granted it was last minute some of the times I asked but my sister always had an excuse on why she could not watch my kids.

Seriously too much drama for me. I don't hold grudges. I tried to offer an alternative solution that still had me present at her party.

[Coconut]

Jim,

I always read your sitch, but don't think I've ever posted... Just wanted to let you know I am here, and envy your strength and your love for your kids. You are right, your sister should recognize the importance of your children to you, and make allowances for their presence to be there with you. Don't hold it against her if she doesn't, she's your sister and you will always love her, but your children come first.

[Rose888]

OK, this might be a gender thing, but many, many brides would freak at being asked to add 5 young boys to a sit-down engagement party with what ... 24 hours notice? 48?

Are there going to be any other kids there? Were your boys even invited?

Many many healthy loving families leave kids home for engagement parties. It's your choice to go or not, but I don't think not being able to add the boys says anything about your sister's character.

As for the exchange with your wife, I like the way you handled it. Great job!

(You might want to address Canadian Thanksgiving as well as Canada Day specifically in your custody agreement, along with US holidays, because I can see this being an issue every year.)