A miracle day! This morning I sent her a text message saying that “I will be there at Burger King to get the kids at 10:00 am” and she replied in a friendly way. At 10:00am we exchanged the children in the parking lot, she let them walk to me from her car and that scared me a bit even tho there were no cars coming. It was the first time that we exchanged the children without intermediary in 8 months. It was also the first time that I was able to take my daughter home with me in 8 months and that was fantastic. Before I was allowed to see her only for one hour a week under supervised visitation. We spent a nice day with the children at the park and we skyped with my parents in Italy who haven’t seen my daughter also in the past 8 months. I made pizza and burritos at home and we had ice cream, and before bringing my daughter back at 6:00 pm we went to eat at Chipotle. It was nice to spend 8 hours with my daughter, I really missed her. Her mother sent me a few friendly emails saying that if I want to have her on Saturdays sometimes to just let me know, also she was going to allow her to skype with me whenever she wants using her tablet and I couldn’t believe my ears. She also gave me a new car seat for my daughter saying that it was a newer model and it would work better for her. That night at 8:00 pm I skyped with my daughter and I read her a book before going to bed also via Skype, she really much liked it. My son is still with me and I am going to bring him back to her tomorrow at 6:00 pm, so basically the schedule right now is my daugher every Sunday from 10:00 am until 6:00 pm and my son every Sunday from 10:00 am until Monday 6:00 pm. The mother of my children was very friendly all day and I saw her old personality reappearing. I was very friendly to her as well and partially shocked that she became so friendly all of a sudden. That night I dreamed about hugging her and making love to her. I miss her tremendously and I can’t wait for this nightmare to end. For now it doesn’t look like there is another man, she still has a picture of us together on Facebook and the kids know that I love mommy and that I will always love her no matter what. Any thoughts?
Hi Cld, I'm glad the exchange went smoothly and things were pleasant - that's great for the kids.
As for you and she, I would have no expectations and keep moving forward. She may be pleasant this time and off the next - we just don't know. And if you get sucked in by pleasant then chucked out by unpleasant, we're on the roller coaster again before we know it.
Just be pleasant in return, observe, note and move forward with your own stuff. Keep GAL and working on your own stuff...
Take care my friend
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm glad things went well with the child exchange and you enjoyed your time w/the children. It's never easy when there are children involved.
Actually, I'm not at all surprised that your xw was friendly w/you. The pressure was off and the divorce was finalized and she now feels that she has regained control over her life. As long as you do not attempt to control and/or manipulate her, she'll remain friendly. Keep in mind, she's not out of the woods yet and what you witnessed very well could be a touch and go. Tread lightly for she is still fragile and will need to see that you are not a threat to her, i.e., trying to tell her what to do.
You will now have to dig deeper for patience and do not attempt to rush the process. You and your xw will need to start out as friends and hopefully things will work out and a reconciliation take place at a later date. Both of you have some work to do. She will need to do the necessary hard work to earn back your trust and you will need to work on any issues that she claimed you had, i.e., control.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You have asked me not to post on your thread. I am respecting your wishes. If you would like my response let me know and I will chime in.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
This is a brand new thread and I would like to see posters getting along or should I say agree, but disagree w/thoughts, advice, etc., without the name calling and insults being flung out there for all to read.
By requesting that certain posters not post on your thread, you are hindering your process of understanding and healing as well as the viewpoints being available for others to read. Those viewpoints may be just what someone else needs to read to better understand what is going on in their particular situation. As I've said before, take from the postings what you can use and toss the rest aside. Yes, we can be very direct and sometimes that is what we need to make us open our eyes to what our situations look like on the other side. Sometimes the advice and/or comments strike a nerve, but maybe the advice/comments actually hit home on what we need to work on.
I want to close this posting on this note: In order to get respect, we have to earn it and we have to give respect to others. Sometimes we have to be the bigger person and apologize even though we may not think we need to do so. Respect is a two way street.
Job, Wonka, Urworthy, Cat04, Mach, Jack, Eric, Cadet, MRBond just to name a few.
I've been posting here for over 5 years and I'll admit that a lot of times I didn't like what some had to say. To be honest, some of it p!ssed me off but....I LISTENED to them and still welcomed their comments. I received truckloads of 2x4s but I still LISTENED.
I made mistakes...lots of them, but I always listened to the posters on my threads.
It's good advice. They've all been where you are. I've been there and I know it sux....it sux bad, but you have to listen to them or you won't get anywhere. PLEASE take their advice.
Read other threads too.
Unfortunately, my marriage wasn't saved, but I was.
Take care.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
All I can say is amen. New day, new page in the book of Life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
