What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[bigybiz]

Coconut: Was it on your thread where I read how not to give your wife permission to date? I saw it once and I can't find it. Sorry for hijacking your thread.

[Coconut]

Bigy, it took me a minute to remember who I posted that to, but here's a link to the page.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...750#Post2697750

[Coconut]

Haven't had much to post, W and I barely speak, generally in different rooms or not home at the same time. When we are in the same room, it's really awkward, the anger is almost gone but it's really awkward. I mentioned that to my ic, because I feel like I want to be somewhat friendly to her, but it's so awkward that I find it hard to genuinely be friendly so I opt to just avoid. My ic suggested that I'm living a lie, that I live in a house with my legal wife, but there is no actual MR, so I'm probably having a hard time figuring out the best way to deal with a life that's not real.

So, funny thing just happened. We have our first couple of showings tomorrow, so by coincidence someone left a note on our front door offering house cleaning services. WW asks if she should call and get house cleaning before the showings, but she had FF activities today so she couldn't be here when she came, I say no prob, I got no plans...

Well, the house cleaner shows up with the previous owner of the house, turns out they live together at a neighbors house. When we bought the house, we bought it from a couple divorcing after 30 yrs of M, the W had already moved out and the H was still living here. After the closing, the H moved across the street to be roommates with the neighbor. Well, when they came over his live in girlfriend mentioned that she's cleaned the house before, so she doesn't need to look around to price it... Hmm, his live in girlfriend has cleaned house before he sold it? I'm thinking that he may have been a bit unfaithful with the housekeeper, thus the D and us moving in...

Me and W were completely happy before moving in this house, I'm now wondering if this house is cursed... Beware those who enter, immense pain will befall you and D will soon follow.. Hah

[Coconut]

Sitting here a bit sadly... House went live on MLS and realtor got so many calls, there are now showings all day tomorrow, I've always felt the house would sell quickly but the reality is that as bad as I want to get out from under it it kills me to lose the dreams of the future I had when we bought it 3 years ago. It's a 30 year old house, and needs some work, so it still may take some time to find someone willing to put a little work into it, but overall it's a great house on a huge lot and a optimal location. We are asking 365k, but most of the houses in our neighborhood go for 500 to over 2 million, it's the coveted cheapest house in the most expensive neighborhood.

On top of that I saw that I had a voicemail from yesterday, it was from one of the jobs I applied for out of state looking to set up an interview next week... Just more realization that this is really happening.

I'm ok with losing my W, I don't like who she's become and I don't know if she could change enough for me to want her back, but the thought of not living with my son is tearing me up. His biological father came to pick him up today while I was straightening up the garage, he came in the garage to give me a hug on his way out, that is not something he does often (maybe 5 times in the last 5 years), so it made me a teary when he left.

I will be alright, the pain and hurt I feel now is a healthy amount, not the total devastation I was going through when all of this started, but it is still sadness.

[Coconut]

Going back to the mountains next month . My 8yr anniversary is coming up on 10/17, so decided I was going to do something I love and decided to head back up to the mountains. Asked family if anyone felt like joining, so I booked a place on vacation rentals by owner and will be spending a week. Fall colors should be in full swing, looking forward to it as always

[sandi2]

October is a very pretty month. I love that time of year. Glad you are making plans to get out. Hope you enjoy it.

Let us know about the job interview. Is it in Tennessee?

[Coconut]

Hi Sandi2,

My mother and brother have confirmed for the trip, and my in laws are still in their place up there so we may go see them one day. Being from FL all my life, I've only seen the fall colors once, and that was early in the season so not too much color, hopefully NC gets some cold air before we go.

Yes, the job that I will be doing a phone interview for is in TN, place called Oak Ridge (just west of Knoxville), it'll be a pay cut but the cost of living is less and once I'm in the company I can immediately apply for higher paying positions (they open those to company employees only), and my experience will give me a good shot at those.

[Coconut]

First day of showings brought first offer for the house, 15k less than asking price, now to consider counter offering or to accept but not be willing to contribute to anything found in inspection... Decisions decisions.

[RSG]

Hi Sandi2,

My mother and brother have confirmed for the trip, and my in laws are still in their place up there so we may go see them one day. Being from FL all my life, I've only seen the fall colors once, and that was early in the season so not too much color, hopefully NC gets some cold air before we go.

Yes, the job that I will be doing a phone interview for is in TN, place called Oak Ridge (just west of Knoxville), it'll be a pay cut but the cost of living is less and once I'm in the company I can immediately apply for higher paying positions (they open those to company employees only), and my experience will give me a good shot at those.

Cool, it's amazing up there!! Really sorry to hear about your sadness about moving. All I can tell you is enjoy every moment, which I know you are. The good thing, as you've said, is he's on his way to college soon so it's not like you're leaving a little kid.


Good luck with the interview!!

[Coconut]

For all you doubters, thinking coco could never get over himself and find peace within himself and lose the anger, I have a couple of examples of my new found peace to share.

Saturday I woke up early, at like 6 am, and WW gets up and in shower at like 7, unusual since she usually sleeps till like 11, then on the way out says I have some color guard FF activities, bye... Don't think much of it, go about my day... That night, Went out to watch the UFC fight, got home at 1:00am and WW still not home. Was a bit concerned for her safety, so text asking if everything ok? No response, so I go to bed. Sun morning, still not home, so at 9am, I text "You still alive?"... About an hour and a half later she says sry, had FF color guard event in keys, stayed with female FF since she was down too.. Truth is, I really didn't care what she was doing, I was only concerned for her safety as it would seriously affect my S, but I didn't care for me. I was kinda shocked that she wouldn't think to text that she wouldn't be home since it is unusual thing for her to do.

Today, I checked OM W Facebook page, and saw that she had video of the color guard activity in the Keys. turns out OM is on the color guard, which seems to be only like 5 people. Well, W was talking about joining the color guard while we were supposed to be "piecing"... Just goes to show that she never took piecing seriously.. But the part that matters is that I don't care... Sure I recognize the irony, am sad that she doesn't/didn't recognize how wrong that was, but no anger, coco is fine