It's not boring at all; it's real life! I like how you handled the co-worker. Sounds like she's a real pain with no life if she has to question yours! (Tell her: I'm okay with the whole straight thing, but could you keep your opinions to yourself?)
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal she is a real pain! She's just bored and one of those chronically displeased people who will never be happy no matter what you do. It was a bit difficult to remain calm with her during that situation and since then our interactions have been strained to say the least.
Nothing new going on over here. I'll be heading to my hometown this weekend. My grandma is celebrating her 90th birthday tomorrow so we are throwing her a big party. It will be the first time I see my family since BD not really looking forward to it. They are a very religious bunch who really tried to open their hearts to my W even though they disagree with same-sex relationships they loved me enough to make the effort. I'm curious to see what their reactions will be. Part of me doesn't even want to attend, I just don't want pity but I want to go for my gramma, she's getting up there and who knows how many more birthdays there will be.
Have resumed planning a trip for over Thanksgiving this year. W and I had planned to go to Florida for a week and see one of my best friends and when everything happened I cancelled the trip because I didn't think I could afford it on my own. I decided if I tried to plan it and nothing was going as planned then that was a sign I should go but I have the time off work approved and have a plan for my parents to take care of my dogs, everything is just kind of falling into place easily so it seems like the best thing.
Planning another trip for over Christmas time. Maybe to Tahoe to see my brothers? Maybe I'll just have a staycation and cuddle up and watch movies. We will see what happens.
I'm really excited. I've always loved travelling and when all of this started I kind of crushed my own trip dreams. But now that I'm back on my feet and doing good financially I see no reason not to make these trips on my own.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Had a really great weekend. Saw my family for my gramma's birthday, nothing too exciting there.
Yesterday spent time with my SIL a nieces. We went to the small zoo that's near my house and the mall and then had dinner together. SIL did talk about my W a little bit. My nieces birthday is coming up and my W and I are both invited, she also told me she wasn't sure if my W would bring ow to my nieces party... I feel that would be rude not just to me but to her family but if she is there I'll suck it up and be polite because I'm focused on being the best me I can be. I told her I wouldn't make it to Thanksgiving this year since I was going to be in Florida and she told me that means I have to come to Christmas. She told me my W is being a real sh!thead. (her words not mine).
I guess a few weeks ago when my other SIL was in town my IL's minus my W went out and ended up talking about how much they miss me.
SIL still thinks that there's a chance my W is going to change her mind and she said she knows that my W has been feeling super overwhelmed and is really struggling.
IDK, I guess I can understand why SIL thinks that there's still hope and at the same time I don't really feel like I care at this point.
A few weeks ago my BIL expressed concern that maybe I should have no contact at all with their family because it would make it harder for me to move on and be happy. SIL said he's pretty much over that now. I did tell SIL that all things considered I am actually very happy with my life right now and I don't feel that being in contact with them has made moving forward and focusing on me any harder.
I was actually surprised. I didn't bring up my W at all, everything we talked about mostly came from SIL. The only thing that killed me inside a little was my older niece asked me "where's aunt xx. why isn't she here?" and I just told her "aunt xx was busy today and she couldn't come." and my niece then said "I miss her, I haven't seen her in a long time" and it just killed me, like literally I felt my heart break for this kid.
Work this week is going to be rough! so much to do and so little time!
Hope every one else's weekend went well!
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Sounds like you are doing good as well!! Its so sad for the kids, they don't understand it yet. I texted my SIL and MIL because both of them had birthdays...they said they both love me and hope that I am doing ok...and don't know what my W is doing but whatever...
We have to keep going forward!!! Have a great day!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Nothing new to report here really. Been super swamped at work.
The department I work in keeps taking on more and more projects and we just don't have the time or man power to take on as much as we have. I'm struggling with the conundrum of how do I have time to get my work down when I have to be in meetings all day every day!?!? and then more and more projects just keep getting piled onto my plate and I'll never catch up.
Our section is going to be hiring a performance analyst and I think I might talk with my manager about me possibly applying for it. It is a step up in position for me and I have the education and some experience but I want to talk to her about it beforehand to know if it would even be worth my while and if they would consider me.
Other than that, my dog keeps getting stuck under the couch...
That's about all for me.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Haha I'm not sure why he keeps going under there I feel like by now he should know he's going to get stuck!
Still not much happening over here. Work has been super stressful as I mentioned. I work in a position where I am required to be extroverted and a "people person" pretty much at all times but naturally I'm quite introverted. While I love my job and the work I do sometimes I just need a break from all interaction. So last night I canceled some dinner plans with FA and set my phone to do not disturb mode and relaxed. FA being FA and knowing me so well did come by and sit with me but we didn't really talk at all we just sat there and watched movies. She gets me lol.
Rescheduled dinner for tomorrow night.
I found that in the beginning I made some 180s and behavior changes that just didn't work for me so I have stopped doing those. I do what feels right for me. I don't want to make changes that are not something I'm happy with doing for the rest of my life.
I've been working with my IC on stuff around my family still and sometimes that's exhausting... it's a lot of stuff to dig up and trudge through and try to deal with but I know it needs to be done.
Overall, I'm doing really really well. Like I said I love my job and most days look forward to going to work. I have kept the GAL activities that are things I love to do and cut the rest that were just filler activities. I've lost the feeling that I need to be doing something at all times in order to not think about my situation and even when I'm home alone I don't find myself thinking about it really at all.
I'm still 100% focused on me and have really made myself my top priority. Last night proved that to me. Normally I'm that person that hates canceling plans and would have gone to dinner anyways and been a little on edge and irritated the entire time but instead I recognized that I needed space and I took it for myself.
It's odd but writing this made me think about what my top priorities are and I can honestly say that my W didn't even make the list. In some ways that does hurt but in other ways it feels kind of liberating and gives me an overall sense of freedom because I'm putting all of this behind me. I'm on my own journey and I feel like I've reached a stage of acceptance over all of this and it just is what it is. I don't feel the need to try to manipulate or control the outcome. I'm turning into a better version of myself. I can see it and feel it on a daily basis and I am someone only a fool would leave.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Still over here. Still DB-ing (I think). Still focused on me.
Work is still stressful..so much to do, so little time!
There's a lot of stuff coming up in the next few weeks. Today is W's birthday - which I do not plan to acknowledge Thursday - mediation next week my nieces birthday party (which we are both invited to) I plan to attend but not sure if W will be there or not. And then a couple days after that my bday. The day after that our first court date A couple weeks after that our last court date at which point I assume D will be finalized? Not sure how that works really. So all that takes place in the next 30 days...
Like I said haven't really talked to her much in the last couple of weeks. She had been contacting me nearly everyday and then she just kind of stopped, which I'm fine with.
Our most recent convo was Friday. She texted me to ask if it was okay for her to stop by the house and drop something off for me (which I thought was her FINALLY respecting my boundary of not entering my home without giving me warning). I said "sure, I won't be home" since the time she choose is when she knows I'm still at work. To which she responded again with "is that okay? Or would you prefer for me to stop by when you are home." I just said up to you. As this particular time I did not care if I was home or not since she was just dropping something off. She texted me again and said she would have to wait because she didn't have her house keys with her. Which I didn't respond to because I felt that made the entire convo pointless...She knew I would still be at work at that time and was planning on stopping by so what was her original plan of getting into the house if she didn't have keys??? It was stupid. Whatever.
Had a nice relaxing weekend again. Back at it today with trying to catch up on work between my many meetings.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
I found that in the beginning I made some 180s and behavior changes that just didn't work for me so I have stopped doing those. I do what feels right for me. I don't want to make changes that are not something I'm happy with doing for the rest of my life.
Theres a user named CaliGuy that recommended the following:
Make three lists of 10 - List 1 is things you like about yourself List 2 is 10 things you dont like about yourself (be it things your W didnt like or you dont like) List 3 is 10 things you admire in other women
Then your 180s should focus on moving things from lists 2 and 3 into list 1. That way you can give yourself some direction in how you want to improve.
Its so sad for the kids, they don't understand it yet. I texted my SIL and MIL because both of them had birthdays...they said they both love me and hope that I am doing ok...and don't know what my W is doing but whatever...