Yes, I think there's no harm in initiating occasional warm gestures as long as you can do so without expectation. Maybe sending a pic of the kids if they are doing something nice - or passing on something you think might be of interest to her.
With things like this, only do them if you can truly shrug at the response and not be annoyed, or devastated or thrilled - just notice it and move forward.
If you do send a little something and you get a terse reply - you can always go back to minimal, pleasant, business and reassess at some future point.
Hope your week is going better than you thought it might my friend :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
No, it's going from bad to worse! The last photos I sent she replied a day or two later and was happy to see them, so I texted back to say 'glad you liked them'.
Just an aside for Jack, my W is still paying for me to be on her car insurance, and we still pay for a joint life insurance policy. More connections still tangled up.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi huddy. I missed your jump here from newcomers.I'all catch up when I can. Good to see you posting again. I have contemplated coming here too.
Best wishes mate
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
No, bad to worse for a work week. Anyways, finished up for the weekend and have rewarded myself with a bottle of pear cider.
Unfortunately, due to stress, I have acquired a couple of sores on my back. These only come out when I'm stressed and they are a bit sore!
I've had a funny feeling today. I'm not religious, but it felt like someone had lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel the calmest I've felt since BD. I'm quite relaxed tonight and have got things planned for tomorrow. I've got to get my eyes tested (in my job, I have to get my eyes tested every two years) and as I've got older, my short sightedness has got better, to the detriment of my reading vision. I tried varifocals, but they made me look about 150 years old!
I've got to get new work shoes (a task I hate as I have huge size 11 - don't know what size this equates to in US/EU sizes, feet) and, again, for work, they have to be anti slip and safety tipped. Clarks in the UK do really good shoes, but they are expensive. I got my last pair in July 2015, but they are starting to wear. I have tried boots, but I just can't get use to them and I get terrible blisters.
I have to go and sign the extension to my lease, which started in May. For some reason, they have only got to me today to get me to come in and sign. I've also got to buy a bit of food and just recharge generally.
I had a number of serious problems at work this week, and it's at times like these I miss talking to W, which is what we had to do. Anyway, I've pulled myself through it and faced another stressful week. Onwards!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
That pear cider kept me up most of the night with heartburn!
Got my eyes tested and one eye has degenerated a bit. So I now need reading glasses as well as distance. Treated myself to some really nice ones and pick them up on Wednesday.
Got some safety shoes and decided to buy some bacon and delicious submarine rolls from Marks and Spencer for my tea. Yum!
Those sores on my back and hurting tonight. I have to watch, because we went to Florida on holiday in 2004 and I got burnt, which resulted in two small skin cancers. Since then, I'm really protective of my back and W used to do regular checks. It's not so easy trying to do this on your own. I also had a cyst removed in 2004, so I also have an itchy scar which also gives my pain when it gets hot.
It's the anniversary of 9/11, so I'm watching United 93 on TV tonight. My thoughts go out to my American friends.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
My W brought the kids over for tea today. Unusually pleasant, she brought some paperwork for her PPI claim fetish that she wanted me to fill in. I never got PPI with any financial product we got, but I'll play along. SD also came, and I passed her some stuff that she needed for college.
Again, D wanted to take something out of the flat and W stopped her and made her put it back. It's her jewellery case, so, it's rightfully hers (even though she's only 6, it was bought for her as a birth present) but W won't let her take anything from here.
W also sat in the car park for a number of minutes before she left, after dropping the kids off, which is unusual, and she was staring at the flat windows. I noticed this (I was doing the dishes),but moved away when I saw she was looking, as I didn't want to seem clingy.
In the usual MLC way, she appears happy and content with her lot. She made especially sure I noticed my S's new haircut and asked me 'well Dad, doesn't he look handsome? They didn't recognise him at school'. It's the kind of thing we would talk and joke about when we lived together and it all seemed oddly familiar.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Yes, I've been to her place. She declared homelessness, so in the UK she has to take the first place offered to her. Initially this was a B&B, but because of my S's autism, she was given a beat up old flat within two days. After a month, she got moved to a small house, but quite some distance away. It's clean, but in need of attention, but W can't do anything as she isn't the tenant, as such.
When she first started down this path, she did show signs of abandonment towards the kids. Take this summers' tummy tuck; she just off and left the kids with SD, knowing that SD would tell me so I would get the kids, regardless of how it affected me. Usual stuff about 'kids will get used to it' etc.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
