Part 3 Still recovering from my emergency surgery, returning to work. DB activities, dealing with some divorce related legal processes. I lose all hope in reconciliation - major sadness and depression. At the end of the thread I get flamed by people on the board for wanting to go out and date again. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2691342#Post2691342
Part 4 Me getting on with life, really trying to take care of myself. I start to really GAL and make some positive changes. Guest stars take the stage to debate various political and gender issues. At the end of the thread I get hit by the dreaded Moving Day. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=11&page=1
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
This is my new thread. Everyone's welcome to post whatever and argue about whatever. At this point I welcome any and all points of views and distractions. It's not really about me 'trying to DB my wife' anymore, that ship has sailed. My W was done probably even before I arrived at this forum. I'm just writing to have a record of this difficult time for myself, as a way of sorting out my feelings, and as a way to remind myself to make good choices going forward.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
DB is about preventing divorce. If DB were purely as self improvement coaching program for separated people I doubt MW would even be in business, because there are much better sources online for self improvement information.
Flame me all you want that's how I see it. Nothing anyone says about what are basically semantics for the sake of marketing will change my sitch anyways.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
It's a common phrase. I'm no fan of the guy, but people have complained about so much that anytime something goes wrong....Thanks Obama became kind of a joke.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Qt, The pain is absolutely real. It stinks so bad. Before I came here my first time around my W had already moved out and put the house up for sale. As matter of fact she filed the same day she told me she wanted a divorce. She said there was zero chance of reconciliation, etc, etc It was a couple months later that I found this site. What I learned is that DBing is very much about you. It's about being the best you possible. When you do that you may have a chance to save your marriage. I said, "may" Sometimes that's ship has sailed and there is nothing you can do about it But I promise you if you follow the things that MWD outlines in DR you will become a better person. Maybe it won't save your current marriage, but it will make you a better person for future relationship. I realize these are things you might not want to here right now, but change doesn't always mean for the worse. Sorry you are having to go through this. It's a long journey, but you can be rewarded
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I can’t talk to anyone, I feel very alone which makes it more difficult for me. Words don’t help very much anyway. People generally fall into one of several categories:
-'Get over it' (Thanks pal, and yeah I’m trying. Next time your world comes crashing down I’ll make sure to give you the same advice) -'Just give it time' (I’m so deep in it right now, this advice is almost meaningless) -‘I’m sorry’ (Followed by uncomfortable silence)
Sometimes I talk to other people in the same situation. They’re basically not listening, or they give me one of the above lines. Or they start talking about their own situation, which tends to make me feel bad too - and then I parrot back one of the above lines to them.
There are also a few friends and family who I can talk to this stuff about, but I feel sorry for them and I feel like I am leaning too much on them.
So that’s why I feel like I’m not fit to be around people right now, and I’m going through a phase where I’m burying myself in my work.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
As a stander I am telling my wife and my kids: 1. I am not accepting this, this is not what we agreed upon. 2. I am not going to allow the kids to become mentally ill from all of this. 3. She did it all by herself, and the consequences are going to be 100% her fault. 4. I will always be there for her and for the kids in good and bad health because I am not going to break my vows.
I do understand what you are saying about other people. They want to see us move on, get over it and start to live again. Why? Because they don't want to see us hurting and yes, they get sick and tired of us talking about the situation. Of course, if the shoe was on the other foot, they would be doing the same thing.
People do not understand that when a divorce takes place, it is the death of a relationship, i.e, the relationship has died. They only think of death as taking place when a person crosses over. But you have to go through the same process in both cases, i.e., grieve for what has been lost. It takes time and yes, there will be good days as well as bad days.
If you need to talk to some, maybe it's time to think about an IC or a divorce group. Both are good sources in the real world to voice your concerns, vent and hopefully help you through the grieving process. Of course, you know you can come here and do the same, but sometimes, it helps to talk to a person face to face.
The phase you are in right now is very typical...but don't make it your permanent stop over. Eventually you will need to come out of hiding w/the work and start living again...but that will be in due time.
qt, it's okay to grieve. It's okay to show your emotions and don't allow others to tempt you into pushing through the process. It's one day at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
