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Masculinity is not degrading and insulting others.

A real man is open-minded, respectful, strong, and treats others with compassion and kindness. That's what masculinity is.

That's what women are attracted to.

Your definition of masculinity has women to running in the other direction and get restraining orders.

You will see.

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So ...

Wife and kids moving out today, kids first day at new school district. Trying to work right now, having a hard time focusing.

I'm totally gutted, the s***s real now. It all just seems so surreal, I still don't understand why we couldn't fix this.


Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs
D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs
BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16

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The D might as well already be finalized. Haven't felt this bad in weeks.


Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs
D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs
BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16

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QT, I know it feels as if you lost so much and the changes in your life could be so overwhelming and you don't know how to redefine your identity.

You are still you. You are still a dad, you still have a career. Money will change, housing will change, but it is all adaptable. And I am sure you will adapt and will enjoy life again. Living one day at a time, going step by step and not living too far into the future really helped me.

Life is good for me, I, as a single mom, is trying to buy my own place in stead of renting, finally, I have a good full time job, I am furthering my degree, and raising my daughter. I've got a great circle of friends. I've reconnected with some lost ones and picked up new ones along the way. I've done this alone, and in no major or long term relationships along the way.

It'll come together. You just got to give it time.

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Thanks. You guys have been there - I'm just at the point where words like 'just give it time' are almost meaningless.


Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs
D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs
BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16

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Originally Posted By: qt4x11
So ...

Wife and kids moving out today, kids first day at new school district. Trying to work right now, having a hard time focusing.

I'm totally gutted, the s***s real now. It all just seems so surreal, I still don't understand why we couldn't fix this.


One day at a time Q....

One step at a time....

This is a process, and it takes time...

Nothing will be resolved today, and nothing will end today....

It's just a step in the process..

Find something for YOU today, however big, or however small that makes you smile...

I feel for ya buddy...

Chin up...

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I mean, it's a process to get to ... what. A point where I'm not going out of my mind with sadness. Ok. God the pain is so great.

I guess this is point where I allow myself to feel the grief. Today is literally the day where two kids lives are changed forever.


Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs
D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs
BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16

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Originally Posted By: Cld
Rose,

Believe it or not, but women like masculine men and that's exactly the way I am acting. My wife will come back because of that.
She might not like it sometimes but at the end of the day she would much rather have a man like me than a mangina.
You will see.


I am a woman. I have lots of female friends and relatives. None of us are attracted to the attitude you are displaying in this thread.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 879
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Originally Posted By: qt4x11
I mean, it's a process to get to ... what. A point where I'm not going out of my mind with sadness. Ok. God the pain is so great.

I guess this is point where I allow myself to feel the grief. Today is literally the day where two kids lives are changed forever.


QT, words seem so inadequate in the face of your pain.

Feel the grief today, but trust those who have been down this road before and who tell you that there is goodness waiting for you. Something much more than the absence of pain.

You are still your kids' father, and they need you! Your attitude can greatly affect how well they come through this.

You've got this.


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,694
Likes: 244
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Originally Posted By: qt4x11
I mean, it's a process to get to ... what. A point where I'm not going out of my mind with sadness. Ok. God the pain is so great.

I guess this is point where I allow myself to feel the grief. Today is literally the day where two kids lives are changed forever.




Possibly, but you don't know what the future holds Q. You really don't...


Yes, things are going to change, but YOU have a say in HOW they change when it comes to those two children...

Kids are resilient ONLY when they are taught to be resilient...

HOW you go through this, will shape their lives forever...

So your choice right now, over the only thing that you can control today....

You choose to guide them, and show them the way through...

Or, you choose to handle it poorly....

Feel all of today, let it burn deep into you, and process it.

Then let it the F go....

Use it for fuel when your tank gets empty...

Find something, anything, for you today....

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