Job, That's interesting, thanks for replying. If you are right, then my wife has been in a midlife crisis for almost three years and maybe she is almost done with it. Very interesting. As I said before, she is the one who left and she is the one who needs to put 100% of the effort in restoring the relationship, not me. I will be very polite with her and give her as much time as she needs. I do feel a lot of compassion toward her, she had a rough life and she has been a great mother all the time. Every time I look at her, she starts crying, so she tries to avoid eye contact. Maybe she is in the depression stage of the MLC, no idea. I hope we can restore the relationship as soon as possible in order to avoid trauma to the kids and hopefully it will be a lot better than what we had before. The divorce is good, it's the cure. The problem was the marriage which is a legal and financial contract that has nothing to do with love. I am happy about the divorce. Having said that I will always be committed to the family until death do us part.
As I said before, she is the one who left and she is the one who needs to put 100% of the effort in restoring the relationship, not me.
All marriages take two people…to make and to break IMO. You would do good to look at your role in this (it could be small, could be big) and work on those things…not for HER but for YOU.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
She may have been in MLC for three years, but that's not a guarantee that she's even halfway through replay. This could very well take off on a full blown scale now that the ink is just about dry on the divorce decree. I don't put stock in the 3-5 years. I put stock in the person who is experiencing the crisis returns to a normal, mature individual. The crisis will take as long as it takes and it could be 3, 5, 7 or even longer. It will depend upon how many times she hits the brick wall and finally steps back and learns the lessons she needs to learn as well as facing her issues. Some remain stuck...I know my little fruit loop is still out there and hasn't faced is issues in the 17 years he's been orbiting earth. He's one of those lucky ones that will remain stuck.
So, do yourself a favor and relying on the 3-5 year target. It's all up to her as to when it's over and I would hate to see you still sitting there 2 years from now still looking out your window to see if she's done.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have no choice, I will wait until death do us part if necessary. This is how I was raised and this is how it's going to be. I told her several times in the past that I will not give up on the family and I will not put another woman in front of the kids. I even told her that in court in front of the judge. The kids love my position and are extremely excited about it because it gives them a sense of security. My wife told the kids a few times that "she doesn't want me to wait" but she also said that "girlfriends are bad" so I think that ultimately she will appreciate me for waiting. I know guys that would have moved to another state or another country to avoid all the hassle and would have started a new life with another woman right after she filed the papers and that would have been a disaster for both her and the kids. I am different, I am a stander and I am committed to the family.
I think you misinterpreted what I posted about the waiting. I did not mean for you to think that I was encouraging you to get involved w/someone else. What I would like to see is that you get involved more w/friends and continue to work on hobbies, as well as spending as much time w/your children. Being a stander doesn't mean that you remain in one spot. It means you continue to life your life to the fullest, get up each day and think positive no matter what. A stander learns to live life and take it one day at a time and at the end of the day, look back on what you've accomplished.
Getting more involved in the business tells me that this is an area of control for you. Maybe it's time to think about a little vacation and possibly see your family at some point. Maybe at some point, you can take the children for a couple of days and visit a nice family friendly resort.
Cld, keep moving forward, it's okay to be a stander, but don't stand in that same spot 3 years from now. Life doesn't stand still and there's so much out there for you to enjoy (and you don't have to have a woman to help you do it).
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am working very hard. I am buying another rental property on Friday and I would like to buy 4 more next year. I am definitely not standing still. I don't have many friends because I work a lot but I have a few business partners that know everything about me and they are like family. And of course I have both my parents, especially my dad who is a rock like me, a very successful entrepreneur who never gave up when it came to business and to family.
I told her several times in the past that I will not give up on the family and I will not put another woman in front of the kids. I even told her that in court in front of the judge.
My opinion is you should stop telling her in words this information. Speak with your ACTIONS, be a little mysterious. I am NOT telling you to date or try to change your viewpoint. Standing is not waiting it is NOT STILL. If you are going to be holding her position open for the rest of your life then you need to figure out how that life is going to look. Their are lots of people that never marry or get involved with others after a first marriage. They keep living their life though.
Originally Posted By: Cld
My wife told the kids a few times that "she doesn't want me to wait" but she also said that "girlfriends are bad" so I think that ultimately she will appreciate me for waiting.
She says that she doesn't want you waiting, two parts to this statement. #1 - IF she is in MLC do not believe anything she says. #2 - She wants you to be the bad guy and be the reason the marriage broke up, because she is already totally sure of her decision that she is DONE with the marriage. This may or may not be true however it is the way she feels right now.
