I will leave the thread as it is for now. If you decide you want it locked, I'll be happy to do so.
I do want you to know that we do care and want to help you navigate the path you are on at the moment. It's no picnic trying to do it solo.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I thought I'd bring over your posting from Huddy's thread and paste it here rather than to continue hijacking another poster's thread. If you want to bring over Mr. Bond's responses to you, you can do so or they can remain on Huddy's thread. This is an interesting topic and I'd like to see what others think about it.
"Why most women don't seem to understand the pain that they are causing to the children? I would like to hear what women have to say. Women initiate 80% of divorce and in 90% of the cases they receive custody. In most cases they want to limit contact with the father as much as possible that way hurting the kids. What are they thinking?"
"Hi Cid and sorry to high jack your post Huddy, but in my case I'm encline to file because H has hurt me deeply and has clearly moved on with his life and OW, so why should I stay married to someone who doesn't want me? I haven't read your story but maybe your W felt you were done with her, didn't love her so to protect herself if she is no longer associated with you, she might feel that she can have a fresh start. For the custody my H's ex limited his access as a revenge as he left her when their kid was very young. I felt it was pure evil from her part as she wanted her child to see what her father was really like. Now as I'm in the same situation as her, I can understand where she came from, although I always made a point that if we have kids together, we will share custody together. That's what we are doing now. Hope that helps."
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"Rocky, Because you promised to stay married "until death do us part", not until there are problems and I can't take it anymore."
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I thought I'd bring over your posting from Huddy's thread and paste it here rather than to continue hijacking another poster's thread. If you want to bring over Mr. Bond's responses to you, you can do so or they can remain on Huddy's thread. This is an interesting topic and I'd like to see what others think about it.
"Why most women don't seem to understand the pain that they are causing to the children? I would like to hear what women have to say. Women initiate 80% of divorce and in 90% of the cases they receive custody. In most cases they want to limit contact with the father as much as possible that way hurting the kids. What are they thinking?"
There isn't a lot of divorce among my friends and relatives. Of the three divorced I know well enough to comment on, none match your description of what "most" women do.
One divorce was because one of the spouses realized they were gay. One was because the husband had an affair and fathered a child. One was because the woman felt her emotional needs weren't being met and her spouse wouldn't go to counseling.
Only in the first case have the parents tried to punish the other parent.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
This morning while I was I was walking I received an email from my lawyer saying that my child support will stay very low at $135 a month and that the mother of my children went to his office to sign the Divorce Judgement. Basically I am divorced now and absolutely nothing is changing in my mind, I am still 100% committed to the family, to my children and to their future. This is me, but I wonder how this is going to affect the mother of my children. Is she going to date guys, or maybe she already has? Is she going to introduce them to the children? Is she going to be more or less friendly towards me? Only time will tell. For now she still has a picture of all of us together on her Facebook and it has been only 8 months since Bomb Drop, the official start of her midlife crisis. I will do my best to stay like a rock, to be committed and to be patient. This Sunday we will start to see each other in person after 8 months to exchange the kids 3 times a week and I wonder how she is going to act. I still have the restraining order that we amended, and now I am allowed to text her only about exchanging the children and for emergencies. If everything goes well and she doesn’t try to renew it, the restraining order will expire January the 11th 2017.
Your wife's MLC started before the bomb drop. It actually started 18-24 months before the bomb. When the bomb hits, it's already picking up speed.
I'm very sorry that the divorce is going forward. She may have signed the document, but until it's stamped by the court, it's basically not official. I imagine that will happen sometime in the next couple of weeks.
As for what your xw does now...it will be none of your business unless her actions affect the children. She may begin to date and introduce the children to a man that she may be serious about. She may say he's a friend from work or from the gym. Then again, she may wait a while before introducing someone new into their lives. She may even marry very quickly after the divorce is valid. Time wil tell.
She may very well settle down a bit and become a little more civil towards you. But that will also depend upon how you treat her. If you are arrogant or try to tell her what she should or shouldn't do, I can assure you, the communication line will be cut short and she may become cold and businesslike towards you. The first time you meet up w/her for the child swap, I suggest that you speak calmly and follow her lead. The less you say the first time, the better it might go for you and the children.
Whether or not the restraining order is renewed will depend upon your actions.
Your posted this over on Huddy's thread and I have brought it here to avoid any more hijacking of Huddy's thread.
"Job,
Where is his current thread? You are telling me he is out of the woods now and his family is perfect? He hasn't even updated his signature in 5 years, and I should listen to him? I don't think so. I am listening to you, job, to Irish, to qt4, to the guy that came up with the "chaos child" explanation that I am not allowed to name here, to MWD and most importantly I am listening to my instinct."
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I can answer the signature line question. Honestly, I've been so busy helping others on this board and other boards and GALing with the W and kids that I really didnt' pay attention to my signature line. No one has actually called me out on it until now.
Didn't see any reason to update it since once I told people my marriage was restored, they were more interested in learning how I did it rather than why my sig line is not up to date.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You brought up a few weeks ago that people aren't always using the signature line. I pointed out to you that it is the posters' decision as to whether to post a signature line or not.
Now, about Mr. Bond's current thread. Mr. Bond is not required to return here to update his reconciliation w/his wife. That is HIS choice if he wishes to do so. He reconciled back a long time ago and there is not need to come back here and provide an update once everything has gotten back on track. No marriage is perfect and to answer your question about his family being perfect...I don't live w/him. Evidently things are going well or he would have returned to post otherwise.
It is not my place to justify why posters do not return and update their threads. It is not their place to justify to YOU or anyone else as to why they haven't updated their threads and posters are not going to do so just because you want to see their current threads updated.
We are very fortunate to have posters return here and post how things are going, if they choose to do so. However, in many cases, they don't return and they are not REQUIRED to do so. We are just happy to hear from them if they do. Many of us remain here many years later to pay it forward and to help others navigate this difficult time in their lives. Whether or not the posters listen to us, that is their choice.
No, Cld, you've not heard one word I've posted to you since the first day you posted here. If you had, we would have seen some changes in your postings. It would prove beneficial to you to truly listen to what the posters are trying to point out to you...instead of creating dissension on the posters' threads by saying you are only listening to certain posters, etc.
Cld, there are many, many wonderful people here who are going through some tough times and are at various stages of walking life's path. We all want what is best for each and every poster and that's why sometimes it's better to sit back and think before posting. A little knowledge can be a dangerous tool and that's why it's best to educate ourselves on what might be taking place w/our spouses. No one can predict the outcome for any of us as to whether our spouses/partners will return. That's why we say 50/50 and not 100%.
This is all I have to say on the subject of Mr. Bond w/you. I will not return to this thread and address this subject w/you again. I want to see you start focusing on you and your life now that you are divorced.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
