My Wife Walked Out 6

[lt0402]

Thanks RSG. It was a good step for me and im working to build off it. My newly found cooking skill led to some antics tonight but the food was delicious! I'll just tell my WW it was your idea and send her your way. Maybe a WW exchange program so we can all get an up close look at each other's fun!

I shudder at the thought!

[RSG]

Now that's scary LT!
Don't worry about the whining. You just continue doing you. Glad the grub turned out well!!

Had a good day with the little guy. He asked if he could write, and I got his little desk and let him practice writing as long as he wanted. He did numbers and letters for about 90 minutes, it was great. Nap time was tough as usual, but I got him down. After nap, I let him have a little iPad time and then we went to the pool. Of course he loved it, and once again one of the older kids told me he swam well and asked how old he was. The kid was beside himself when I said he'd be 4 next week! Got him to bed, now just rustling up some leftovers for supper.

As for the W, almost no communication today. The "I'll let you know (if I'd like to spend any time with S on a holiday" was for naught. She asked a little after noon what we were up to, then 30 mins later she asked if I'd let her know how is behavior was. After I ate lunch, walked the dog and finished getting S down to nap, I told her he fought at nap but otherwise was doing well. Around 7:30 she said "Tell S I love him and I'll pick him up tomorrow." Around 30 mins later I said ok. That was it.

Disappointed she didn't want to spend any time with him, but we had a great weekend. I'm ecstatic about how much he wanted to practice writing. He's not holding the pencil right, but he's doing ok. The desire is there, which is really the key at this point.

We'll see what tomorrow has in store!

[Jug]

Sounds like you had a great day! Truly detaching is not caring what w is doing. I know it's tough.

[RSG]

See, that's the rub though isn't it? I don't care WHAT she's doing. She could be putting trash between her legs, doing lessons, sitting at the pool. Doesn't matter. It's detrimental for my child when his Mother, who USED to be a helicopter Mom, has zero interest in interacting with him. He talks about her, misses her and loves her. It's just wrong to do this to him, and really bothers me.

So far no chatter for the day. I expect another 2 minute dropoff, although I've had a bad feeling about things the past few days but that could just be latent anger....

[RSG]

Well, I was right about the 2 minute dropoff. I went to get him out of her car, she said "I'll do it" got him out and as he ran to me she ran into her car. Sped off as I buckled him in. I sent a text asking if she had noticed his bear (his best friend for 3 yrs) is literally bursting from the seams. His face is torn open, and it's finally connected with his shoulder tear. She said no.....

Weird. This is the least we've ever communicated, because a slight mention from her of pinching his teacher and my asking about his teddy bear has been it for the day. I can sense the pursuit/distance thing, as it's making me want to reach out and ask about her. Funny thing is, she's distancing herself but I haven't pursued? I'm kinda having a bad feeling about "I think I've decided I want a divorce" is coming....

[Jug]

Rsg-

It [censored] that she doesn't care about your s but that behavior is common for ww's. As for telling you she wants a d, I got that last week - along with stating that she won't stop communication with OM. For what it's worth, I feel more detached than ever now. Hang in there.

[RSG]

It's weird. Out of the blue she started texting me around lunch time (she doesn't take one btw) talking about S. Are you going to his school party? I'll give you his birthday shirt to wear! Laughing at little jokes about him (he's sweet and salty) etc. I wanted to ask "how are you" but figure I'll do that at dropoff if she doesn't run to her car again.

It's always talk about him. Lots of talk. But spends so little time, and doesn't express any remorse about the lack of time with him. I know I couldn't handle being around him as little as she is. I do enjoy all the time we spend together, he's fun and I'm ecstatic at his growth. I can't wait to give him his present this weekend, he's going to really enjoy the little (toddler) computer I got him.

[cbtdad]

Is it weird? Thank about that. Is it really weird for her right now?
She is in a "fog"
She cares very much for your son, but doesn't know what she is really doing right now.
You read through my first situation like you said.
Not sure if you remember when my W disappeared for almost 10 days without seeing son. At that time I completely knew it wasn't the woman I fell I love with.
You know what, she actually brings that up. She says that she never would have done that and looking back on it that it makes her sick.
Its a long road. You just keep doing what you are doing.
Keep up the cooking!!!!
If it doesn't impress your W in the future I guarantee it will impress someone else:)

[RSG]

Is it weird? Thank about that. Is it really weird for her right now?
She is in a "fog"
She cares very much for your son, but doesn't know what she is really doing right now.
You read through my first situation like you said.
Not sure if you remember when my W disappeared for almost 10 days without seeing son. At that time I completely knew it wasn't the woman I fell I love with.
You know what, she actually brings that up. She says that she never would have done that and looking back on it that it makes her sick.
Its a long road. You just keep doing what you are doing.
Keep up the cooking!!!!
If it doesn't impress your W in the future I guarantee it will impress someone else:)

I get what you're saying. I guess I just thought she was out of the fog already. I do remember the 10 days thing now that I think about it. She does care for him, as evidenced by another addition to the weirdness. After days of veritable silence, boom another 15 minute chat at dropoff. She started mainly on the little party we're having at school for him Fri, and seemed pleased I'm planning on coming. She asked me to bring some juice boxes and veggie straws for the kids, and she let him pick out cupcakes. Then she went on about her surgery, noting they haven't told her what day but that the nurse said the sooner the better. If untreated, it could become cancerous w/i a few years. She mentioned having little guy last Fri, when she got lowdown on the procedure, really helped her. I know what that feels like ha.

She kept going on about her insurance, the cost, the size of the tumor, etc. I asked her how she's doing "I feel great..." and told her my folks were thinking about her. "Oh, I guess you can't hate someone if you think they're dying..." She was annoyed the city hasn't gotten back to me about his evaluation, and asked me to call about the status on Friday. She said bye, seemed like she was in a decent mood.

She's going to get him pizza Saturday for his birthday, and take him to a bakery. Her parents will be here too.

So, hot and cold continues.

Pros: Heavily involved w/S birthday
In good spirits re surgery
Spoke to me in a normal way
Seemed very open and honest

Cons: Doesn't want to keep S for his entire birthday, wants to dropoff around 4 as usual. (Def pro for me though!)
Continues w/her story that my parents hate her (I have asked, before she left AND after. They do not. They are cautious, but would prefer us work on our marriage.)
Bought him cupcakes, when she USED to love nothing more than to bake a healthy treat for him and his class.
Still won't thank me for any of my work re therapy for S
Hair was a fresh blue/gray again lol


CBT, I'm def keeping up with the cooking! I'm headed to the store tomorrow, and will grab the stuff I need to make these Chili Lime chicken burgers. The recipe uses guacamole, but I'm not really a fan so I'm going to substitute salsa verde. Looking forward to em! I'm a novice in the kitchen, but I'm enjoying it and getting better every time!!

[RSG]

So, the W and I actually talked a lot today. Of course, it all started with a ring from school when the little guy put a kid in a headlock! We talked about his behavior via phone and text. After we kind of got a plan together about that, things died down. Dropoff was a couple minutes, but we eventually traded texts about his school party tomorrow. Also, we got the notice today from the city that he's getting his evaluation on 9/19 at 12:30. She said she wants to come. I'm definitely going to be there, and if she doesn't come to this one I'm going to have to call her out.

I still notice how much she depends on me when talking about his education, growth and development. Also, one thing that bothered me....I said "I'm really busting my butt to make sure he gets all the help he needs." (Talking about therapy) She said "I know you are, we both are." Well, maybe from her POV but not from an objective one and certainly not from mine. But, I just said I appreciate your hard work and encouragement. I know openly questioning her parenting will push me further from my goals, and she DID give me a compliment.....

Also, did a good job of validating when we talked about his behavior this afternoon. "I'm just really stressed out. Work is stressful, S is stressful, etc (but didn't mention her health)" and I just said "Yeah, I bet it really is tough with everything going on." It's starting to feel more natural, which I know is a definite positive.